Like a monkey swinging from one branch to another, tree to tree, I am finally letting myself climb down the tree trunk and dig up the roots, and pick up the fruits that has fallen from the trees that I helped pollinate, the fruit that fell when I shook the tree, and plant up the seeds from the fruits that picked up and eaten.
I'm not comparing myself to a monkey, okay. Metaphors. Never mind.
Been thinking and being deep and hard at that. I've woken, I'm waking up, I'm putting myself back to sleep, and control my dream while I'm deep in slumber. What I'm trying to say is, I'm digging way down deep to somehow cure the pain, fill up the emptiness, and re-do everything, re-feel everything that I am feeling and forgotten to feel. I've re-traced some of my foot steps, had some time to re-think the things and people I lost, what I got to go through to get where I am, what I gained and never had a chance to get my hands on on my way, on the way I took. Everything. Not really sure where writing these things will get me but I just got to say. Not sure I can put the wrong things and make up for them, make up to the people that became 'casualties' of little twists of fate, not even sure what to write next, after these lines. Hahahaha.
I wish I could write it here. It's about this someone whom I have hurt and lied to more than I did anyone in my life. More lies and promises than I ever made with friends and family. He's one of those people who... I don't know. I just can't tell it here. Too much to take, to much to feel, to much to know... Blah-blah. The point is, I owe him more apology than I owe anyone I ever hurt and lied to in my entire life. Anyway to fix this? I have no idea. I ruined it, hopefully, I, too, can find a way to, if not mend what has been broken, at least, apologize to him for everything. *Sigh* All In due time. *faint smile*
Got nothing else that excites me right now. Well, except for that meeting with K on A Cinco de Deciembre. Eeek. Can't go out 'cause I have no money, still haven't seen Twilight, dunno how I can get to that Fan Party on the 5th, and join the rappelling on the 8th, still have to run for pre-employment thingies, got to grab myself a copy of Paul's LS Mag and HF's 1st issue for the sem, claim my diploma, come up with designs for the 'biz'... And so many other things to get done. Pfft. Not really feeling good vibes right now. I need another push of the cliff so I can get back to moving again. May the heavens and the stars that light it guide me on my way, may the sun make me wise on everything everyday, may the moon and the ocean help my emotion be just, may the earth, fire and wind, drive me to meet the ends that I long for and may the mountains... Hmm... May the mountains let me climb on them, shower from their waterfalls, bathe in their rivers, springs and stream, and eat from the trees within theirs breast.
Hahahaha. Blabbering nonsensical...Uh, nonsense. Never mind, again.
Lookey! 300 now showing on HBO. Gerard Butler, my favorite Scottish sexiness. Eeek.
I'm not comparing myself to a monkey, okay. Metaphors. Never mind.
Been thinking and being deep and hard at that. I've woken, I'm waking up, I'm putting myself back to sleep, and control my dream while I'm deep in slumber. What I'm trying to say is, I'm digging way down deep to somehow cure the pain, fill up the emptiness, and re-do everything, re-feel everything that I am feeling and forgotten to feel. I've re-traced some of my foot steps, had some time to re-think the things and people I lost, what I got to go through to get where I am, what I gained and never had a chance to get my hands on on my way, on the way I took. Everything. Not really sure where writing these things will get me but I just got to say. Not sure I can put the wrong things and make up for them, make up to the people that became 'casualties' of little twists of fate, not even sure what to write next, after these lines. Hahahaha.
I wish I could write it here. It's about this someone whom I have hurt and lied to more than I did anyone in my life. More lies and promises than I ever made with friends and family. He's one of those people who... I don't know. I just can't tell it here. Too much to take, to much to feel, to much to know... Blah-blah. The point is, I owe him more apology than I owe anyone I ever hurt and lied to in my entire life. Anyway to fix this? I have no idea. I ruined it, hopefully, I, too, can find a way to, if not mend what has been broken, at least, apologize to him for everything. *Sigh* All In due time. *faint smile*
Got nothing else that excites me right now. Well, except for that meeting with K on A Cinco de Deciembre. Eeek. Can't go out 'cause I have no money, still haven't seen Twilight, dunno how I can get to that Fan Party on the 5th, and join the rappelling on the 8th, still have to run for pre-employment thingies, got to grab myself a copy of Paul's LS Mag and HF's 1st issue for the sem, claim my diploma, come up with designs for the 'biz'... And so many other things to get done. Pfft. Not really feeling good vibes right now. I need another push of the cliff so I can get back to moving again. May the heavens and the stars that light it guide me on my way, may the sun make me wise on everything everyday, may the moon and the ocean help my emotion be just, may the earth, fire and wind, drive me to meet the ends that I long for and may the mountains... Hmm... May the mountains let me climb on them, shower from their waterfalls, bathe in their rivers, springs and stream, and eat from the trees within theirs breast.
Hahahaha. Blabbering nonsensical...Uh, nonsense. Never mind, again.
Lookey! 300 now showing on HBO. Gerard Butler, my favorite Scottish sexiness. Eeek.
all the pain's going to cure in due time.
ReplyDeleteayt. all in due time.
ReplyDeleteand if you're sorry enough, I'm pretty sure the guy would see the sincerity. :-) kaya natin ito cuz.
ReplyDeletei am now. after all these years, it's only now that i realized how sorry i am. not sure if i can put things back the way they were but i wish i could somehow tell him how sorry i am. i know, or i don't, sorry will never be enough, and can never make up for what i did, for all i did but.. i just want to tell him. somehow, some time, some way, some day. *sigh*
ReplyDeletewell, a personal conversation will always work.
ReplyDeletei hope i see him soon. i happen to not see him and talk to him for two or threee years now. i tried to see him when i went for a visit last november but i didn't see him. maybe it's just wasn't the time yet. i hope the 'time' comes soon enough.
ReplyDeleteit will Levy-chan. wow, 2-3 years is a loong time. you guys should really talk.
ReplyDeletehi levy-sempai! tama ka, talagang may mga times na super messed up ang feeling mo no? ppero i guess all we need to get over that is to do something we really love... tapos mula dun, sisipa na muli yung ideas...:3
ReplyDelete