0348 07-Feb-09
Sleepless here in my side of the world. Lost in thought and in everything else. Restless. No lullaby can hush up the voices screaming inside my head. I am to yet again find myself in that place inside my mind where I end up whenever the world isn't kind enough to take me in. Less lonely, less sad and a lot less hopeful that I may ever escape from my psychological lock down.
My dreams are getting weirder and weirder every morning that I wake up from it. They kept taking me back to places in time than I suppose I have unfinished businesses. They seem to tell secret message about the present that, maybe, I have to heed for it is, as they say, the key to the subconscious, but dreams, for most of us, are images, visions, memories that fade when you open your eyes. You remember dreaming not remembering what you dreamt about.
I'm nowhere near achieving even a fourth of my plans and dream. Yay for me. I am feeling low again. I'm depressed, upset, disappointed, frustrated, furious.. I am losing ground. I need to throw every last negativity inside me so I can get back on my feet again. But, let me see.. No who to blame.. Is it the people who never kept their promises? Is it the people who never gave me a chance? Is the people who never believed in me? Is it the people always tried to pull me down? Is it me because I let all these people drag me to my knees, beat me up and have me crawling back to my secret hideout to lick my own wounds and take my time healing so I can let them do the same thing over again? Well, I don't know anymore but I do know that they've won. I was never immune to any kind of pain that the world inflicts on me. There are times that I say I've gone numb but it still find a way to crack my protective shell on the outside little by little. Until it completely drills a whole then the water comes in to cut me short of breath and eventually drown me and the darkness can no longer protect me from cruel sunlight.
***
That's just about it for today. This is where I cut the post. I just had to write to write something. I could go on and write some more but... Forget it. I'm sleepy. XP
Good morning, everyone!
Well you go through life
So sure of where you're heading,
And you wind up lost
And it's the best thing that could've happen.
Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It's really just as well.
Cause you find yourself
Thats when you find yourself.
