Downpour

It's hard to just stop when you're spinning around.

I have been trying my best the past few days trying to put back together my cluttered brains. It's all over the place. I've been wanting to put my thoughts together and come up with something to write but to no avail. As much as I wanted to stay in one place, I am kind of stranded in a dimension, surrounded by doors that lead to several different worlds. The feeling's like being suspended in midair. I wanted to land, but my feet just won't reach the ground. Let's see what I can get out of this...

* regress * regress *

A thousand more regrets, unraveling

Today, I felt like I'm heading for a breakdown. I was in my usual state wherein a lot is going on inside my head but today's suffocation is more felt than it has ever been feel-able. I was getting choked by my own hands. Days pass and all the more I realize the truth that I've known for the longest time. 1) The people you expect to, cannot always, will not always, and may not at all do for you what you know you can do for them; it's always man for himself. No matter how much resentment you let yourself feel cannot change anything. You are left with no option but take them down with you. Hehehe. And maybe, I will. I just might. Hahaha. 2) Weaklings are always at the bottom of the foodchain. They cannot survive without having to leech on others. And leeching does not always mean having to suck blood. And it seems to be the only way around. But you can't really expect me to beg for your "mercy", not even if my "life" depended on it. I'd rather stay stuck and do everything all over again, even if it meant having to start from scratch. 3) Some people are just too dumb to realize these things.

The flavor of life: a hint of bitterness

Finally saw him again, but only in my dream. I walk up on a lovely Tuesday from a dream of him. I have no memory of the dream but I know it was a good dream or I wouldn't have woken up with a good mood. I was finally able to reach him if only in my head. I've been thinking of him a lot. It's been a more than a month since I last saw him. I feel hopeless as it seems I woke up late again. It's only now that I started to understand the signs, the gestures, the words, everything. But he's gone and chances are, I may not see him ever again. Actually, I have no idea if it's only me or what I think exists between us is real but I'm so ready to make that big step. To think I've done it all before; I've crossed the bridge for someone who rejected me and used friendship as an excuse, stayed by someone's side who seem to have not even noticed I, once, cared for him (fell for one after the other but never for me), and fallen for several others from different times in my life and... Blah-blah. Nevermind. All I want to say is that I just want him to know that I like him a lot, and I miss him badly. All the moments we lost due to inevitable circumstances, the missed chances, all the must-have-beens and could-have-beens... Makita at makausap ko lang sya ulit, sasabihin ko talaga sa kanya. Huwaaah! Sino ba sa inyo may contact kay... Kawaii-ness ko!!! For a moment, nabuhayan ako ng loob ng makita ko yung isa sa iilang taong closest link ko sa kanya. Pero... Aww...

I know you'll always be with me, in the possibility

Our trash may be somebody else's treasure. Same as what is ordinary to us may be something big and important to other people. My point is...? Kamown, think about it.

You're not hardcore unless you live outdoor

Astig talaga ang Born to be Wild. Hindi lang dahil kay Romi Garduce [All hail, Garduch-sama!!!] kundi dahil naaalala ko ang National Geographic Channel kung saan ko nabuo ang pangarap ko na maging isang wildlife researcher. Para tuloy gusto ko na ring maging diver. Ahuhu! Wala syang kinalaman sa kursong kinuha ko, na sa wakas ay malapit ko na rin atang matapos. Passion lang, pare, passion. Hahaha.

Somehow, trying to catch up on everything especially when everybody else has left me behind

Speaking of passion... Nyahaha! Hehe, wala lang. Masaya. So far, Cristobal's been the best climb I've ever had. May kulang kasi mas maraming "sweet memories" sa Pico de Loro, maliban sa gulungan portions namin dun. Hehehe. Set back: I was not prepared for the temperature. Mga 17 degrees Celsius ata or less. Fotek. I literally had brain freeze. We were having talks/ discussion and I couldn't concentrate. My conscious mind was split into several halves. One was into listening into the discussion, one was trying to fight the cold, one was thinking how comfortable it would have been if I just stayed at home, one has finally learned to appreciate the hot weather in the big city. Hirap ng tropical person. Hehehe. I was thankful that it didn't rain though it was really foggy. I love the high winds at the peak and how we would cheer whenever there would be clearing because it was hazy when we went up the summit to take pictures and you can't see the city below. Check na lang th pictures HERE. Basta, it's been fun and I'm only one step further from Induction. Ahaha. Sugoi.

Memories keep you near, Imagined you'd be here

I've been watch Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity  Edition 2, and kinda hooked. One thing, it's entertaining for some inexplicable reason and another, Baron Geisler. Was never a fan of him, not even, from his teenybopper days. I just find him very cute and he reminds me so much of Kawaii Boy, whom I like a lot and miss so badly. Aww... Wala lang. *Hikbi* Nyaow!

You're the calm when my world is crashing, my, heart, my blood, my passion

I've tried takoyaki for the first time yesterday. Hehehe. Someone's selling them outside school. Not sure if it was a real takoyaki but it tastes really good. Yum. Already seen The Golden Compass, and I believe the book's been given justice. Can't wait for the 2nd and 3rd part, hehehe. I've finished Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows, finally. Hahaha. Still haven't bought that new BSB Album. What happens if you put 3 lovesick people into a conversation with one another? Love Rolls. Hahaha. Saka na and details, hindi ko pa rin maarok eh. Hahaha. The chances of making it into the March 08 is getting slighter by the hour. It isn't really much of a big deal but the people can't seem to wait. They're on the rush, giving me so much pressure. Probably expecting too much but only to be disappointed again. I am trying my best to rise up where I've fallen though it may not seem so to most of you but I am. I may seem to take things lightly but I am, actually, just trying to keep myself from falling apart. Everyday survival is a constant struggle. It may not be big, I, too, am making sacrifices. Christmas is just around the corner, so are Christmas parties which mean having to spend for them and also, projects to be finished. How on earth am I going to save up for Induction, my cosplay and my projects? Huwaaah!? I am planning some change of plans but I still haven't made up my mind. I have other time for that. For now, quizzes and exams muna. May nagsasabi mga nagsasabi nga palang I'm losing weight. Hahaha. Gambare masu!

I can see the edge but I can't take the fall