♥___♥ BBC's Merlin is Love.

Levy-pathy.

http://personas.media.mit.edu/personasWeb.html

Out... about... away... isolated... whatever... for the rest of the year... buh-bye... see you when I see you... if I see you... take care... I don't care... bleh XP

So, Christmas is over, now what?

Lookey, lookey here. Look what I found. Wahaha. I'm good. I'm scary good. Who's the stalker? Who's the stalker? That's right, it's me. *working on my evil laugh*

Big Blue Exhibition @ ATC from 4th January to 17th, and Levy-chan will definitely be there too...

This is my December...

Ugh--ain.

I started 'owning' December last year when I met K. Meeting someone you really admire is one of the best things that could happen on a December when you usually wallow in your usual holiday blues, at least, I do. He chased my blues away. The fan girl that I am, it meant a lot, so much, almost everything. This year, I am claiming December as my own again. Why?

I got the coolest art stuffs from the Christmas Party last night, and they loved the dessert I made. They even called it Choco Levy. Haha. We had a raffle last night. Some of the artist gave some of their artworks away. They sold tickets to raise funds for registering Espasyo at SEC. I only bought 2 tickets, and it must be the buena mano luck since I was the first one who bought tickets, that I got the major prize. It was an acrylic tribal painting on canvass by Kuya Jon. I will have it framed once I get to renovate, fix my room. It's pretty cluttered in there and needs to be rearrange to maximized the space. Also, I got a cool pipe made from resin by D [Ate Heidi's cousin, dunno his real name, I just know they call him D] for the exchange gift. And to think I only pulled out one of the old drawings from my collections. Stan tried to teach me how to use it but since the closest I got to smoking is the sheesha, I told him I won't be using the pipe. I am just going to put it on display. The artwork is way too cool to just defile by putting it to use. Haha. Had a hard time main a new one. My hands are not as skillful as they used to be. Anyway, Joycen was also there. We haven't seen her in months.

I guess you can also say you own December when you end the year learning a lot of life lessons. One of which is 'aim high, expect low'. As it turns out, it helps a lot to not keep your hopes up on everything. This way you don't end up disappointed, or frustrated. You fall, you hit the ground, you get tiny cracks but you don't get yourself crushed and eventually get destroyed. It took me years to learn that and I know how hard, painstaking, how long it takes to put yourself together when you're so badly crushed.

'Instead of focusing on what you didn't get, just be thankful of what you already have', which is not much. And that is why I'm stuck at home while everybody else are out and about doing their Christmas thing. Haha. Oh, well. It isn't really something I can do something about. I mean, I can do something but why bother, right? If it's going to happen, it would already have. Oh, well..

I had a very fun night last night. Shiawase-niichan was also there. He's a lot different now, and we're more social now. Hug and beso, panalo. Siguro, if I still had feelings for him, I would have already died of kilig. We're not as close as we used to be now but I am really happy seeing, knowing he's happy now. Merry Christmas, Shiawase ko!

I think it's about time to put Crushie on my memory vault, just like the one I made of Kawaii Boy. I think I already got the confirmation I need. I always knew I never had a chance, I just needed to see concrete evidence. Didn't say I am already giving up. I just need some time off of thinking of him. Funny, my friends were teasing me about being hurt because of something, someone last night but, honestly, I felt nothing. I am so done expecting from people a long time ago, I didn't expect anything from him. I am so used to rejection and unrequited feelings, I don't really expect anything from anyone, anymore. Also, I already have enough bitterness from the past to last me the rest of my life, I don't think I want any more. I told friends that maybe, subconsciously, I've already accepted the fact. I wasn't hurt or anything, or maybe, it just hasn't sunk in. Haha. Whatever it is... WHATEVER! Haha.

Saya pa naman nung Christmas party ng DMS, 'kala pa naman namin... Wahaha.

Merry Christmas, mga kapatid!

Not hurt but probably subconsciously in-denial hahahaha.. merry christmases!

LEiGS ♥s Ü so much, I've been thinking of you since the day we first met and everyday that passed since then made me ♥ you more and more Ü♥♥♥♥Ü

LEiGS ♥ Ü

"The only person you have to answer to is yourself. You make your own rules. Once you figure that out, you're free."

Awesome people. Awesome party. I Love You DLSU-Dasmariñas Mountaineering Society. Will miss you all so much [lalo na si Ü]. Merry Christmas. ♥♥♥

fshoroscope9dec09

Wala akong maisip. Ito na lang...

---

The Bottom Line

You are dreaming of a faraway place. Stop dreaming and figure out how to get there.

In Detail

You like lending a helping hand, but it's time to concentrate on yourself for a change. Don't feel guilty about possessing skills or assets that others only dream of having. As things change, your organized state lets you advance quickly and seamlessly. As long as you can keep your conscience from needlessly clouding over, the weather ahead looks just fine.

---

Di ako may sabi nyan ah. Hahahaha. Aylahvet.

Matutulog na lang ulit ako. *yawn*

Wants an Olympus uTough 8000 for Christmas [and so much more...] Wahahaha!!!

Make my wish come true...

All I want for Christmas is you.

Haha. Okay, so Dan used that song first but I like it. It's cute and catchy, and just the right theme song for me right now. Forgive me, I'm just happy and too darn giddy about today. Nothing big but something special, at least for me.

Before anything else, what happened today could not have been possible without the help of my cousin. She has always been so generous. I'm broke since Thursday and she lent me money so I can go to Dasma for Crushie's birthday. Weeeh!

So, yeah, a friend [Thank you, Mart!] send me an SMS to go to Dasma today at 5pm for Crushie's birthday. Told him, yeah, I know it's his birthday and I greeted him earlier [almost 1 in the morning, but supposed to be at exactly 12am, but I was watching something and I lost track of time]. I was busy with my usual afternoon ritual, which is sleeping. I don't really do much these days, and I'm so bored that I just sleep the boredom away. Anyway, I already thought of my cousin. I've been broke since Thursday and since she has work. She's the only one who can help me, I knew it and she did. Nothing else I can say about that but.. I love you, Cuzzin! She is a great deal of emotional sustenance. Fastforward. We left the house together, her, myself, and another cousin. They went to look for boots and I went my way. When I got to Espasyo, Crushie was out buying something. I went to the bathroom, and when I got out, he was there. Shook his hand, ang gave him a crocodile plushie, I got from the package from Germany. Embarrassing: my hand was wet. I don't think he minded. They finished preparing the food. We sang Happy Birthday. He blew his candle, which is, by the way, a long one. Haha. Then, kainan na. Fastforward ulit. I had fun with the Espasyo people, as usual, and also, the food was very good, as usual. Though I only ate the Lasagna and that Tofu dish that tastes like smoked barbeque 'cause I already ate dinner before I went there. Sayang, I didn't get to eat the cake. Haha, Mocca pa naman. I went home by 10pm because I'm feeling sleepy na. Ironic 'cause I'm still up writing this.

Ayun, I shook his hand, AGAIN, before I left and sent an SMS. Told him, I hope I didn't crash his party. He said it isn't so because he didn't really get to invite people, and he's glad marami kami. Also told him, the food is good and I apologize for not wrapping the gift because I want to Reduce, reuse recycle, but actually, I also want him to not forget the plushie. Hay, ang saya ko. It's official, we're more comfortable talking to each other through SMS. Haha but I could be a lot happier if we can actually talk. Haaayy...

Simpleng-simple lang nangyari ngayong araw pero sobrang saya ko. I get to see him on his birthday. I did get to celebrate with him. I got to steal glances. Haaayy. I think he knows na but I'm glad he tolerates me. He doesn't shun me or avoid me, though I would be happier if I really could talk to him like friends do. Kahit di romantically. Even if romance doesn't grow between us, I'd be glad to know we're good friends.

And because of that... INSPIRED NA NAMAN AKO. Hopefully, ma-execute ko 'yung plano ko for our group show. He will be my Artwork. I can't ask him directly but if I do this right, I know mapapasaya ko s'ya. If he will like my work, ibibigay ko pa sa kanya. Oh, Heavens, help me.

And for that, again, I will attend Misa de Gallo. I could use some more divine intervention.

Conclusion: I missed a lot the past week but tonight... Bawi na silang lahat. NYT!

Malamig ba ang Pasko mo? Mag-jacket ka!

Like to Like Like

I had a dream. Two consecutive nights, same person. Kinda like sequels but the catch is, he's someone I've never even met.

It was a good dream. There was him. There was I. We met we fell in love. The second day, we said goodbye. It was almost real. Kinda like lucid dreaming but I am slowly forgetting. I don't know. He has name, I remember calling him by it but I don't remember it now. And his face, I don't remember his face. It's just weird. I mean, falling in love with someone you've never even met, and just forgetting them. He could be anyone, but I'm sure he's not someone I know. I don't remember his features but I know I don't know him. What if he's someone I'm going to meet in the future? I think that would make a good storyline. I could write a good romance novel out of this. I don't know. I just wish I'd see him again. In dreams or in person, so I'd know if.. Hmm, I don't know. He could be the future love of my life. Hahahaha. Hey, I can dream.

Anyway, I've been thinking, is it time to channel my romantic hopelessness to someone else instead of that-certain-someone-that-you-know-like-so-much-because-I-write-about-him-all-the-time? Well, I still like him so much but he makes me feel like I'm already over-the-edge hopeless with him. We hardly even talk. We converse better through SMS than we do in actual talking. I try my best at small talks but I don't have that much small talk powers with him so my odds with him in conversation is pretty, oh, I don't know, hopeless? And I don't see him often. And I am starting to like this other guy and I feel like I have better chances in being close friends with this one than with him. I don't know. But I had pretty close encounters with him yesterday during our drill while on duty as medical assistants at the CBA Sportsfest. It's like, everything is always changing with him, or is it just me. He could be warm and personable at times, and sometimes he seem so cold and distant. It's like I can't enter his world. Reminds me of that line from Honey and Clover:

In a world you can't enter, there's no distance to that place.

Which is right, right? There is no getting to where no entry is allowed and unless he lets me in like his other friends, I don't think I'll ever be part of his world where I want to be. I still like him so much and he's one of those things and people that I can't get myself to let go. I like him so much that I guess you could say, I already love him. For some reason, I think he already knows but I get this feeling that.. Aw, nevermind. I doubt if he'll ever feel the same way about me but I believe it's safe to say that I am now part of his life just knowing the fact that we know each other. I wonder how he'll feel if he gets to read this.

Okay, about that other guy. Okay, he's also younger than I am. He's so cute and lovable. Makulit in a cute kind of way. Fun to be with. I get to actually talk to him, and get a few laughs. Looking at him makes me smile. Our eyes meet and we smile. It could be nothing or it could mean something. Hahahaha. I like him and I'm starting to like, like him. Ahlahvet.

There are so much more meaningful, more blog-worthy things I could write about but major crushing is so keeping me alive right now. So, yeah, I'm writing about it and you will read more of it when I get back for my next post. Hah!

2AM. Need to Dragon UP! American Dragon Jake Long is up in a few minutes. BYE!

I guess I'll never be part of that world, your world Ü

Will be back on line in a few days, hopefully...