Torment

As if waking up to a nightmare wasn't bad enough...



I dreamt a dream of having a dream of being killed, stabbed to death. Yes, a dream within a dream. I woke up for a moment because I had a dream that someone murdered me with a sword on my own bed, as I sleep. I woke up drowning in my tears and shaking with fear just to wake up again because I had that dream, or dreams not crying but still surging with fear. I went to school and back home fearing that today will be my last. I avoided every possible place where death may lurk and get me. I never feared anything this much for years. Not that I'm afraid to die, but I prefer painless death. Good enough that prayers can calm and I woke up again after a few more hours after I went back to sleep as if no such mental imagery came over me. Thank God!



I've always loved Science and the discovery of its wonders but Physics is definitely not one of them. It's been torture ever since the class started. The world know I'm mathematically-challenge and I have no idea how I'm ever going to get that 1.00 this term to pass but this morning I took a leap of faith, and took my chance for once. Hehe... I'm not sure what I was doing, whether it's the right way but I tried to do our seatwork without asking my classmates' "help". Well, I know I have to go back to asking "help" [you know what I mean], but atleast even for once in the history of my college Physics I tried to work on my own. Just this once. Haha! I will have to depend on those at the top of the food chain for my survival in this subject or be lag behind again like I did in Trigo [the memories are too painful to remember], which is one of the reasons that forced me to shift to another course. After this school year, I expect no more Math-related subject to make me suffer again and again. And I may be weak in Math but there are a lot more of others things that I'm good at that I do A LOT BETTER THAN YOU!



I was supposed to go to Princess' party today but I didn't make it since I had no one to go with because if they haven't left already, others are went in the after noon, and by that time I was already at home. I guess I'd just apologize to her and promise I'd make it up next time.



I didn't like that Honey-spiced chicken. I'm never buying it again. Heck! Went to Rob Imus this morning to buy a City of Angels VCD but they don't have it so I went home empty-handed. Darn! But there was this dimsum stand that stood beside the video store and I'll be some time next week to try their food. Looks really yummy. I love dimsum! I also saw some of the movies I wanted to buy but will have to wait since i don't have enough money. And these pop-ups are annoying me. I want to kill whoever invented viruses and spywares. One of my cousins stowed away from home with his boyfriend and is still in hiding that I really find dumb. Maybe she just didn't want to be separated because his dad bought a house and she'll have to leave my aunt's, and Lucena and Manila is far too distant, and maybe he loves that guy so much or... Bah! We pilot our own lives and that's the way she chose to go. She may or may not regret it but atleast she made a decision for herself. Though I still think it's dumb. Sorry!



I've been offered to join another band and I turned it down. I'm still not sure if I want to be in a band again but I'll think about it so when he asks me again, if he will, I will have an answer. Ah, choices...



Quote of the Day:

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.

- Buddha



Maybe, we should all think about it.