'lang 'yang buhay 'yan... Wala na namang cable. Nakakasawa ang gan'tong buhay. Sana mayaman na lang ako...
This darn fact makes me freaking sick. I wish I had so much more. I know I will, but why can't I have it now when I want it. Buti, oppotunities present themselves to me so I can somehow get some of the little things I want. My heart is happy but at the same time discontented. I usually get tired of routines and I somehow find to alter the usual things I have to deal with but this one... I can do nothing but wait. I remember a teaching in Buddhism that says something like material wants is what makes people suffer and they are right but I just can't find the heart to deny myself of these wants. It gives us a certain kind of pain when we crave for something but when we get to have it, it somehow becomes a piece of the puzzle that someday, when we get everything we want, makes us complete. I don't know. I just can't help but think how I've been living the same way of life for the last 20 years and how the situations gets more and more dissatisfying every single day. Ok, I'm lucky to be able to eat anything I want, spoil myself sometimes but I just can't get enough. Some people have nothing AT ALL and compared to them, they may think I have everything and more of what they could have wanted but I'm just too self-centered right now to think of other people. And I can't give what I don't have, the satisfaction of having just enough.
Anyway, school's, as always, fine except for Physics which is and always will be a pain in the you-know-what. Chances are coming one after the other, and I hope I'm doing the right thing of making every chance an opportunity. Time's running so fast and in a few weeks, it'll be Christmas break, BAKASYON NA NAMAN!, but of course EXAM MUNA. Wishlist, wishlist. I can have my grandparents to buy me the stuffs I want but.. but... If only I was born a sweet child, that which we call MALAMBING in Filipino, maybe I can have my way. I wasn't born as thick-skinned as my brothers, and not as malambing, sipsip and charing as my cousins. Aw-aw-aw! I wasn't even born to be confident. Nobody taught me that. Kung bibo lang sana ako... Wehehe! parang tanga. Hahaha! Intsek? Intsekure? Hehehe. No way! Naawa lang ako sa sarili ko.
Things could have been so much better and I could have had a lot more...
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