This is my December...

Ugh--ain.

I started 'owning' December last year when I met K. Meeting someone you really admire is one of the best things that could happen on a December when you usually wallow in your usual holiday blues, at least, I do. He chased my blues away. The fan girl that I am, it meant a lot, so much, almost everything. This year, I am claiming December as my own again. Why?

I got the coolest art stuffs from the Christmas Party last night, and they loved the dessert I made. They even called it Choco Levy. Haha. We had a raffle last night. Some of the artist gave some of their artworks away. They sold tickets to raise funds for registering Espasyo at SEC. I only bought 2 tickets, and it must be the buena mano luck since I was the first one who bought tickets, that I got the major prize. It was an acrylic tribal painting on canvass by Kuya Jon. I will have it framed once I get to renovate, fix my room. It's pretty cluttered in there and needs to be rearrange to maximized the space. Also, I got a cool pipe made from resin by D [Ate Heidi's cousin, dunno his real name, I just know they call him D] for the exchange gift. And to think I only pulled out one of the old drawings from my collections. Stan tried to teach me how to use it but since the closest I got to smoking is the sheesha, I told him I won't be using the pipe. I am just going to put it on display. The artwork is way too cool to just defile by putting it to use. Haha. Had a hard time main a new one. My hands are not as skillful as they used to be. Anyway, Joycen was also there. We haven't seen her in months.

I guess you can also say you own December when you end the year learning a lot of life lessons. One of which is 'aim high, expect low'. As it turns out, it helps a lot to not keep your hopes up on everything. This way you don't end up disappointed, or frustrated. You fall, you hit the ground, you get tiny cracks but you don't get yourself crushed and eventually get destroyed. It took me years to learn that and I know how hard, painstaking, how long it takes to put yourself together when you're so badly crushed.

'Instead of focusing on what you didn't get, just be thankful of what you already have', which is not much. And that is why I'm stuck at home while everybody else are out and about doing their Christmas thing. Haha. Oh, well. It isn't really something I can do something about. I mean, I can do something but why bother, right? If it's going to happen, it would already have. Oh, well..

I had a very fun night last night. Shiawase-niichan was also there. He's a lot different now, and we're more social now. Hug and beso, panalo. Siguro, if I still had feelings for him, I would have already died of kilig. We're not as close as we used to be now but I am really happy seeing, knowing he's happy now. Merry Christmas, Shiawase ko!

I think it's about time to put Crushie on my memory vault, just like the one I made of Kawaii Boy. I think I already got the confirmation I need. I always knew I never had a chance, I just needed to see concrete evidence. Didn't say I am already giving up. I just need some time off of thinking of him. Funny, my friends were teasing me about being hurt because of something, someone last night but, honestly, I felt nothing. I am so done expecting from people a long time ago, I didn't expect anything from him. I am so used to rejection and unrequited feelings, I don't really expect anything from anyone, anymore. Also, I already have enough bitterness from the past to last me the rest of my life, I don't think I want any more. I told friends that maybe, subconsciously, I've already accepted the fact. I wasn't hurt or anything, or maybe, it just hasn't sunk in. Haha. Whatever it is... WHATEVER! Haha.

Saya pa naman nung Christmas party ng DMS, 'kala pa naman namin... Wahaha.

Merry Christmas, mga kapatid!