News Flash: Ikuta Toma is playing Takemoto Yuta in Honey and Clover JDorama and it's currently airing in Japan. Can't wait to watch this series. Aishiteru, Toma-chan!
I have to see this. I really have to... Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Making Sense Out of Nothing
If you are working closely with someone else or are moving closer, emotionally, to a friend, be mindful that the two of you will not always be on the exact same wavelength. It's perfectly normal to be off track now and then. An event this afternoon, for example, might send each of you off into different directions, but don't worry -- you will both eventually come back to seeing things the same way. You are likely to be more emotional, while they will be more aloof.
~ Cancer (Friendster Horoscope for February 6, 2008)
Sapul. Pagbigyan nyo na, love month naman. I was talking to a friend today about someone and there he goes making conclusions again. Hahahaha. Gusto kong maniwala sa sinasabi nya kaya lang nakakapagod umasa lalao na ngayon meron na namang syang panibagong "sitch" na umuusubong. Asa pa 'ko?!
*he-who-won't-be-named: may tnng ako
*he-who-won't-be-named: kumusta na kayo n (insert the subject of this conversation)
*he-who-won't-be-named: hahaha
*he-who-won't-be-named: parang may relasyon eh
ako: uh~ walang "kayo" na kami.
ako: actually may bagong sitch
ako: at hindi na naman ako kasali sa picture.
(some lines were cut from this convo since they're negligible)
*he-who-won't-be-named: isang tanong isang sagot
*he-who-won't-be-named: crush mprn b xa
ako: bakit anu na naman ba naiisip mo?
ako: i still like him but not as strong as before lalo na ngayon...
(skip. skip.)
ako: at ano bang napapansin mo kung bakit natanong mo kung kamusta na kami?
*he-who-won't-be-named: hahah nggng close kau
*he-who-won't-be-named: at feeling ko....
ako: ano?
ako: binibitin mo pa eh
*he-who-won't-be-named: close na kau lol (laughing emoticon)
*he-who-won't-be-named: (rofl emoticon)
ako: sos matagal na kaming close
*he-who-won't-be-named: hehehe bsta may nppncn ako kay (insert subject again)
*he-who-won't-be-named: ewan ko bka ako lng nkkisip nun
ako: kaya nga nakakapagod umasa kasi matagal na kaming close pero parang kahit minsan di sya nagkaron ng something sakin.
ako: ano nga yun?
ako: sabihin mo na para maka-relate ako.
*he-who-won't-be-named: kc feeling ko, in a way parang like krn nya
*he-who-won't-be-named: nd ko cnsbing for real un
*he-who-won't-be-named: pero bka lng
*he-who-won't-be-named: pansin ko kc sa knya
*he-who-won't-be-named: mahilig xa sa mga babaeng mas matanda s knya
ako: would u be friends with someone if u dont like them? that's how i see it.
ako: ilang beses na akong umasa at ilang beses na yun, talunan ako.
ako: simula nung nakilala ko sya, simula kay (insert name of sitch#1)...
ako: hanggang ngayon...: pero bka lng
*he-who-won't-be-named: pansin ko kc sa knya
*he-who-won't-be-named: mahilig xa sa mga babaeng mas matanda s knya
ako: would u be friends with someone if u dont like them? that's how i see it.
ako: ilang beses na akong umasa he-who-won't-be-named at ilang beses na yun, talunan ako.
ako: simula nung nakilala ko sya, simula kay (insert name of sitch#1 ulit)...
ako: hanggang ngayon...
(cut here kasi some names have been dropped at di na related yung rest.)
Golay! Hirap mag-edit ng convo. Baka may mabanggit na mga pangalan na di naman dapat malantad. Hahaha.
This is a private conversation but I don't really mind posting it here. I really have to let this out. This was what I meant by my last post. Rekindling fire [that didn't really burn]. My, my... This season is playing with my head.
~ Cancer (Friendster Horoscope for February 6, 2008)
Sapul. Pagbigyan nyo na, love month naman. I was talking to a friend today about someone and there he goes making conclusions again. Hahahaha. Gusto kong maniwala sa sinasabi nya kaya lang nakakapagod umasa lalao na ngayon meron na namang syang panibagong "sitch" na umuusubong. Asa pa 'ko?!
*he-who-won't-be-named: may tnng ako
*he-who-won't-be-named: kumusta na kayo n (insert the subject of this conversation)
*he-who-won't-be-named: hahaha
*he-who-won't-be-named: parang may relasyon eh
ako: uh~ walang "kayo" na kami.
ako: actually may bagong sitch
ako: at hindi na naman ako kasali sa picture.
(some lines were cut from this convo since they're negligible)
*he-who-won't-be-named: isang tanong isang sagot
*he-who-won't-be-named: crush mprn b xa
ako: bakit anu na naman ba naiisip mo?
ako: i still like him but not as strong as before lalo na ngayon...
(skip. skip.)
ako: at ano bang napapansin mo kung bakit natanong mo kung kamusta na kami?
*he-who-won't-be-named: hahah nggng close kau
*he-who-won't-be-named: at feeling ko....
ako: ano?
ako: binibitin mo pa eh
*he-who-won't-be-named: close na kau lol (laughing emoticon)
*he-who-won't-be-named: (rofl emoticon)
ako: sos matagal na kaming close
*he-who-won't-be-named: hehehe bsta may nppncn ako kay (insert subject again)
*he-who-won't-be-named: ewan ko bka ako lng nkkisip nun
ako: kaya nga nakakapagod umasa kasi matagal na kaming close pero parang kahit minsan di sya nagkaron ng something sakin.
ako: ano nga yun?
ako: sabihin mo na para maka-relate ako.
*he-who-won't-be-named: kc feeling ko, in a way parang like krn nya
*he-who-won't-be-named: nd ko cnsbing for real un
*he-who-won't-be-named: pero bka lng
*he-who-won't-be-named: pansin ko kc sa knya
*he-who-won't-be-named: mahilig xa sa mga babaeng mas matanda s knya
ako: would u be friends with someone if u dont like them? that's how i see it.
ako: ilang beses na akong umasa at ilang beses na yun, talunan ako.
ako: simula nung nakilala ko sya, simula kay (insert name of sitch#1)...
ako: hanggang ngayon...: pero bka lng
*he-who-won't-be-named: pansin ko kc sa knya
*he-who-won't-be-named: mahilig xa sa mga babaeng mas matanda s knya
ako: would u be friends with someone if u dont like them? that's how i see it.
ako: ilang beses na akong umasa he-who-won't-be-named at ilang beses na yun, talunan ako.
ako: simula nung nakilala ko sya, simula kay (insert name of sitch#1 ulit)...
ako: hanggang ngayon...
(cut here kasi some names have been dropped at di na related yung rest.)
Golay! Hirap mag-edit ng convo. Baka may mabanggit na mga pangalan na di naman dapat malantad. Hahaha.
This is a private conversation but I don't really mind posting it here. I really have to let this out. This was what I meant by my last post. Rekindling fire [that didn't really burn]. My, my... This season is playing with my head.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
A Time to LAB.
I'm so tired of being here, supressed by all my childish melancholies.
Man, I'm bored. You bet I am. It's 1130 in the morning, laboratory time. Given a choice, I'd rather be at home right now sleeping the day away. I had a peaceful night's sleep last night, I almost didn't want to get up form bed and go to school this morning. I'm more productive when I'm asleep; I burn more calories. Hahaha. So I've gotten over that weird sinking feeling I had last night, and I would rather that nobody raises the topic again unless I do it myself. Just think of it as one of my very random mood swings. Thank you, bow.
Time slips so fast like sand washed away by ebbing waves. Wala lang. Just felt like saying. Hahaha. I went to hang out with the people I've been avoiding for a week again. Nothing's changed except for that invisible wall that, out of nowhere, found its way between us. It's getting thicker and more impenetrable by the minute. Who built the wall? Must be me. Must be them. Must the circumstances that come between me and them. Dunno. It's just that my view and interaction with people change over time. Not just the people I am talking about.
Now, as much as I've wanted to talk some more, it's time to do lab work. They've finally fixed the problem and I have to go. Bye, later!
A Hint of Bitterness.
I kept on reading those lines over and over again.
I would have loved it if it was about me.
But it wasn't and it will never be.
I guess it would take a lot more than what I got to be part of your life.
I've gotten over it months ago, and, no, it's not coming back.
I just can't bring myself to accept why it was never me,
Why would it never be me?
I would have loved it if it was about me.
But it wasn't and it will never be.
I guess it would take a lot more than what I got to be part of your life.
I've gotten over it months ago, and, no, it's not coming back.
I just can't bring myself to accept why it was never me,
Why would it never be me?
Monday, February 4, 2008
Abreaction
I can die now without having to tell this to anyone. I don't have to either repress or express anything, I don't even feel the need to but it's struggling to surface, careful not to make any noise. Even I don't hear it, but I am aware of its presence. It's been constantly depriving me of my peace, my emotions, even my sanity. What is IT? I don't know. I just know something from within exists, keeping me alive but not myself.
I. So here I am, feeling so left out again. Uninvited. Eternal truth: with or without you, the world will continue existing. I've been keeping away from some people for almost a week now. Can you blame me for feeling not needed again. Maybe I'm being too childish for seeking some people's attention but did you really have to shout it right in my face [which you did without having to say a word] that you would have paid attention if it was someone else? I used to feel at home with you but now I just feel like moving out into another sanctuary. Maybe I'll be coming back son or be dropping in one of these days. I just need a space away from you guys, and hopefully when I get back, I'd get that feeling of belongingness back. For now, let me stay with "those who need me."
II. It can't be helped that certain things agitate me esp. things I cannot say. As much as I would have wanted things to be straightened out, I do not think I have enough guts, even interest, to break the truth to them. They expect a lot, and they expect too much. I never liked living somebody else's expectations, I have no interest in doing what people expect, even if I can exceed those expectations. I do not mind having to frustrate them, nobody told them to expect anyway, but the fact that other people's frustrations on me are the same frustrations that I have on myself, just makes me realize, slaps over and over again, hard on the face how pathetic and what a big failure I am. I've become so numb but the feeling still finds a way to prick my skin and remind me that they're still here, always, just here. But then again, I know how to end all this. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I just need time so I can think straight again. Till then I don't know what I'll do next. Whatever happens, just want you to know how sorry I am that I failed you, all, over and over again. Somehow, I will find a way to stand up again or just end this. I don't know.
III. Drowning. I need someone to save me. Not that I can't swim but I am willingly drowning myself. I can feel my end coming. I'm holding out, holding on. If only someone would come to pull me out of this whirlwind of emotions and delusions, back to solid ground. The walls are melting away. The ground is crumbling away. Save me.
IV. It's been months but still I can't find the clarity to questions you left behind. You're still here but you've gone away. I just need to know some things. You don't have to stay. I just want to see you, talk to you again. Heaven knows how badly I wanted that. I'm stuck, I'm bound, I'm grounded right where you left me. I don't have to see you ever again. Just one last time. Please let me see him again. I miss you. I miss you? I miss you!
V. It's harsh how, in some way, certain feelings remind you of certain events esp. those you've already wanted to forget. Thought I've gotten over how some of those that I liked never did the favor of liking me back but here comes something that reminds you of the pain
I. So here I am, feeling so left out again. Uninvited. Eternal truth: with or without you, the world will continue existing. I've been keeping away from some people for almost a week now. Can you blame me for feeling not needed again. Maybe I'm being too childish for seeking some people's attention but did you really have to shout it right in my face [which you did without having to say a word] that you would have paid attention if it was someone else? I used to feel at home with you but now I just feel like moving out into another sanctuary. Maybe I'll be coming back son or be dropping in one of these days. I just need a space away from you guys, and hopefully when I get back, I'd get that feeling of belongingness back. For now, let me stay with "those who need me."
II. It can't be helped that certain things agitate me esp. things I cannot say. As much as I would have wanted things to be straightened out, I do not think I have enough guts, even interest, to break the truth to them. They expect a lot, and they expect too much. I never liked living somebody else's expectations, I have no interest in doing what people expect, even if I can exceed those expectations. I do not mind having to frustrate them, nobody told them to expect anyway, but the fact that other people's frustrations on me are the same frustrations that I have on myself, just makes me realize, slaps over and over again, hard on the face how pathetic and what a big failure I am. I've become so numb but the feeling still finds a way to prick my skin and remind me that they're still here, always, just here. But then again, I know how to end all this. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I just need time so I can think straight again. Till then I don't know what I'll do next. Whatever happens, just want you to know how sorry I am that I failed you, all, over and over again. Somehow, I will find a way to stand up again or just end this. I don't know.
III. Drowning. I need someone to save me. Not that I can't swim but I am willingly drowning myself. I can feel my end coming. I'm holding out, holding on. If only someone would come to pull me out of this whirlwind of emotions and delusions, back to solid ground. The walls are melting away. The ground is crumbling away. Save me.
IV. It's been months but still I can't find the clarity to questions you left behind. You're still here but you've gone away. I just need to know some things. You don't have to stay. I just want to see you, talk to you again. Heaven knows how badly I wanted that. I'm stuck, I'm bound, I'm grounded right where you left me. I don't have to see you ever again. Just one last time. Please let me see him again. I miss you. I miss you? I miss you!
V. It's harsh how, in some way, certain feelings remind you of certain events esp. those you've already wanted to forget. Thought I've gotten over how some of those that I liked never did the favor of liking me back but here comes something that reminds you of the pain
Beauty Through the Eyes of Vladimir
A few shots I took on our way home from our Batulao Day Hike last January 3. Taken with my ever trusty SEK700i phone camera and enhanced with Adobe Photoshop CS 2. By the way, Vladimir is my phone's name. Actually, most of my precious stuffs are named Vladimir 'cause I love Dracula so much. Hahaha
Enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment. Thanks!
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