Let's not talk about a possible ending, let's not think about it everyday...
This term is the term of all terms, the most crucial term, the determining term of this semester. I don't wanna think about it, but it can't be helped. With all the pressure I'm getting [you have to graduate already] the END is all I can think of. It may seem that I'm taking everything easily, but nobody, not one single creature in this wretched earth knows how much I'm suffering, not only the pressure but the loneliness, the criticisms, all forms there is of emotional wretchedness that I'm trying to cope up with. I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying my best to stay happy, to get away from the negativities, to cover up the ripples of subconscious disturbances in the ocean of my emotions. If things don't go the way they are supposed to go again, I will have to detach from the world again, And I don't wanna do what I did before again. I want to break my chains but not my bonds, and esp. not with my friends. They are my cornerstone right now. Baka nga they're my sole reason for sanity right now. [f*ck, I'm emo] Heaven forbid it. God knows what could possibly happen to me if I have to face this kind of storm again, alone.
If we never met, we wouldn't have to suffer...
The "end" is coming, I could feel it. I don't want it but subconsciously, I'm wishing for it. Life is what we make it, and if I should want it, I wouldn't have to wait to meet the end, I could end it all here. [No, don't get ideas, I'm not thinking of suicide. No way. Never] I'm suffering because I want everything, all at the same time. I suffer because I try to satisfy my desires, everything at once. Maybe, I could be happier if I could limit my desires rather than satisfy them, just like a certain quote from a certain someone that I read. But then again, how can you limit happiness? How can you be happy knowing you have limits?
To realize the value of one-second, ask a person who has survived an accident.
It was timely that Mheo should send this message about The Value of Everything; Last Tuesday night, my friend met an accident and it was the night before his birthday. He could have died in the accident but thank God! He suffered nothing more than bruises, wounds, lacerations, abrasions, maybe broken bones too. I'm just so glad, he's safe now. It's just like he said, the accident happened for a reason. But, well, I'm not going to delve into that reason because that's for him to ponder and we, all of us, have things [that happen for reasons] too, we just have to strive to survive to see beyond those reasons, and realize, and live the lessons life's trying to teach us. Or something like that, sorry if I'm not making any sense. I'm still under the spell of disorientation from the other day. Stress. Heehee.
On the lighter side.. Well, today was tiring. I don't have an exam scheduled today but I still went to school to work on my part of the thesis. I went to hang out at the kubo with the Genshis then at the office with my HF peops. I also joined some of the Genshi officers in their meeting with the college council presidents we're tying up with for G-Ken, then calamares foodtrip before we went home. Though I fear, so much, the end, I'm always glad to know I have these people to hold on to. I'm not that close to some people but just their existence reminds me that I'm still alive, that I have a life to live. At the moment, I have a direction I want to go to, a life to lead but the way is dark but these ningens are like fireflies in this darkness. I love you ALL! Kissu!
And if I should leave this lonely world behind...
I should leave a mark. Or maybe some special memory to those I met on the way. I wish I brought and left happiness to your lives when we met. I am glad to have met you all, I wish you're happy that you met me too.
This term is the term of all terms, the most crucial term, the determining term of this semester. I don't wanna think about it, but it can't be helped. With all the pressure I'm getting [you have to graduate already] the END is all I can think of. It may seem that I'm taking everything easily, but nobody, not one single creature in this wretched earth knows how much I'm suffering, not only the pressure but the loneliness, the criticisms, all forms there is of emotional wretchedness that I'm trying to cope up with. I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying my best to stay happy, to get away from the negativities, to cover up the ripples of subconscious disturbances in the ocean of my emotions. If things don't go the way they are supposed to go again, I will have to detach from the world again, And I don't wanna do what I did before again. I want to break my chains but not my bonds, and esp. not with my friends. They are my cornerstone right now. Baka nga they're my sole reason for sanity right now. [f*ck, I'm emo] Heaven forbid it. God knows what could possibly happen to me if I have to face this kind of storm again, alone.
If we never met, we wouldn't have to suffer...
The "end" is coming, I could feel it. I don't want it but subconsciously, I'm wishing for it. Life is what we make it, and if I should want it, I wouldn't have to wait to meet the end, I could end it all here. [No, don't get ideas, I'm not thinking of suicide. No way. Never] I'm suffering because I want everything, all at the same time. I suffer because I try to satisfy my desires, everything at once. Maybe, I could be happier if I could limit my desires rather than satisfy them, just like a certain quote from a certain someone that I read. But then again, how can you limit happiness? How can you be happy knowing you have limits?
To realize the value of one-second, ask a person who has survived an accident.
It was timely that Mheo should send this message about The Value of Everything; Last Tuesday night, my friend met an accident and it was the night before his birthday. He could have died in the accident but thank God! He suffered nothing more than bruises, wounds, lacerations, abrasions, maybe broken bones too. I'm just so glad, he's safe now. It's just like he said, the accident happened for a reason. But, well, I'm not going to delve into that reason because that's for him to ponder and we, all of us, have things [that happen for reasons] too, we just have to strive to survive to see beyond those reasons, and realize, and live the lessons life's trying to teach us. Or something like that, sorry if I'm not making any sense. I'm still under the spell of disorientation from the other day. Stress. Heehee.
On the lighter side.. Well, today was tiring. I don't have an exam scheduled today but I still went to school to work on my part of the thesis. I went to hang out at the kubo with the Genshis then at the office with my HF peops. I also joined some of the Genshi officers in their meeting with the college council presidents we're tying up with for G-Ken, then calamares foodtrip before we went home. Though I fear, so much, the end, I'm always glad to know I have these people to hold on to. I'm not that close to some people but just their existence reminds me that I'm still alive, that I have a life to live. At the moment, I have a direction I want to go to, a life to lead but the way is dark but these ningens are like fireflies in this darkness. I love you ALL! Kissu!
And if I should leave this lonely world behind...
I should leave a mark. Or maybe some special memory to those I met on the way. I wish I brought and left happiness to your lives when we met. I am glad to have met you all, I wish you're happy that you met me too.
I'm not dying yet, Senti lang 
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