Point of No Return

Somehow, I'm getting used to not having a cellphone to use. Life is more peaceful without people texting you, trying to reach out, contact you to ask you to do something, send GMs, those annoying Smart alerts, though I have plans on getting it fixed ot maybe buying a new one but really anytime soon. I HAVE PLANS. But, on the other hand, it's hard because I have no watch and clock. My watches aren't working 'cause they need battery replacements, my clocks aren't working too, I need new clocks [by the way, I'm taking donations! i accept old but working cellphones, clocks, and watches. haha]. I'm still live in darkness. Living only on the light of my incandescent lamp shade. And in silence, too. So I need a radio, an MP3 player, a diskman or an iPod. I do need donations of those too. Hahaha, seriously.

I miss taking pictures of myself. The room is dark, I have no camera of my own. I have one that uses film but it will have to be developed first and scanned before I can edit it. Haaay.. Yesterday, I feel like doing something with Photoshop but I don't really have anything to do it with. Boring. POTEK.

I've calmed down a bit from my 'mad fit' yesterday but I don't think I will ever be appeased or my mind will ever change about it. His words were ringing inside my head last night and it kept me awake all night. Nagpaparinig ka pa, tangina ka! I was dreaming awake last night. I was wishfully thinking if there'll ever be a day that would come when I can gently touch his face with my hands and then bang his head hard against the wall, break his face with a wine bottle [like that scene from Pan's labyrinth], butcher him, skin him alive, mince his muscles, feed his insides to the dogs, and then my revenge will be complete. Imagine me laughing madly while screaming at the top of my lungs, 'SERVES YOU RIGHT,YOU, GAY BASTARD!'. My friend is right, devil mode nga ako ngayon. Hoooh!

Doesn't it feel better, more human to be with no rules or religion for your course of actions to get judged with/by. Not that I've lost my religion nor have I turned into an atheist or a pagan but I've just freed myself from the status quo or the norms of those things. Well, I haven't used drugs, never had sex with anyone or did any other immoral things like that. What I mean is that, like my dreams of killing that creature who calls himself a teacher, whom I hate very much, I do not think of religion now. Based on religion, that would be 'sinful' but I do not see myself sinful because I've freed myself of my religion. I only see muself as a free human. I'm still spiritual but still not religious. Though about being spiritual, I do not know if the spirit in 'spiritual' is of good or evil. Hahaha. Basta parang ganun. You know I'm not good in explaining.

Remember what I said about these two people that I know? I got a news from a friend that somehow confirms my observation and my theory. Oh, well...

A'right. So I have another programming subject. Gahawd. Good thing, my friend, Iam, enrolled the subject and I wouldn't be alone and the subject doesn't seem so hard though it still has VB, and I hate VB. Goodluck sa 'kin. No turning back now, forward, GO!

SO this is how it feels to walk your last days in college. Hehehe. I hope I get a reward when I graduate. I wanna go to Greece!

No thoughts within her head, but thoughts of joy!
No dreams within her heart but dreams of love!

You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge,
in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent . . .

I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge -
in your mind you've already succumbed to me
dropped all defences, completely succumbed to me -
now you are here with me: no second thoughts,
you've decided, decided . . .

Past the point of no return - no backward glances:
the games we've played till now are at an end . . .
Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting:
abandon thought, and let the dream descend . . .
 
What raging fire shall flood the soul?
What rich desire unlocks its door?
What sweet seduction lies before us?

Past the point of no return, the final threshold -
What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn?
Beyond the point of no return . . .

You have brought me to that moment where words run dry,
to that moment where speech disappears into silence, silence . . .

I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why . . .
In my mind, I've already imagined our bodies entwining
defenceless and silent - and now I am here with you:
no second thoughts, I've decided. decided . . .

Past the point of no return - no going back now:
our passion-play has now, at last, begun . . .
Past all thought of right or wrong - one final question:
how long should we two wait, before we're one . . .?

When will the blood begin to race?
the sleeping bud burst into bloom?
When will the flames, at last, consume us?

Past the point of no return the final threshold -
the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn . . .
We've passed the point of no return . . .

~ I don't know why but for some reason, that doesn't really matter, video CDs and DVDs are on sale at AstroPlus. I bought my POTO VCD today and am really glad how the prices have dropped. I'll be buying my POTO DVD next week. I got to have it. Bwahaha. I'm so happy.

Okay, I am currently obsessed with Gerard Butler. Can you blame me if he was born to be so sexy? His eyes, his voice, his lips, everything.. How can I ever, will I ever meet him in person? Uuugh! Gimme, Gerry.. Please. ANYBODY?!