Those were Alleli's words when she saw me at the parking lot by myself, gazing at nowhere. Perhaps the Goth inside my heart has fallen into slumber never to wake again, or perhaps in time. I, too, think I'm becoming an Emo. I don't really mind.
You can't really avoid the warmth of the candle when you're just inches away, you keep away from the fire 'cause you don't wanna get burnt, but you need the light so you have no choice other than to stay.
Kinda how I'm feeling right now. I can't think straight 'cause I'm too busy thinking of... what's happening. There's this feeling I don't want and as of the moment, I'm quite succesful of not feeling it just yet. But there it is staring me at the face, trying its best to have me let it in. I'm close to giving in but I'm no further from giving up. I'm probably in debt, with all the things I've done relentlessly, now these are the prices I have to pay. Talk about the irony of "eating the food" and "having been eaten by the food". Now I understand the nature of suicidal ideations. Doesn't make sense? I know...
Arf. Arf.
Been coughing and snorting like a dog and a pig for almost a week now. F^ck those cigarette smokers and smoke belchers. We have a gig scheduled for Friday, next week after the exams and here I am... I can feel it. My throat will be bleeding anytime now because of excessive coughing, sounds tubercularly vulgar but maybe that's what the word "dahak" was invented for.
To the tune of Nelly Furtado's Like A Bird: Howl like a wolf...
And we messed after all. KTS. Soundcheck. Dug-u-dug-tak! Then the wailing begins... After less than a minute, there were applauses and screaming. I thought they loved the intro. I was swept to reckon that the effort we gave in practicing for the event was well appreciated, but I was wrong. It was only the other night that I've seen the video of our performance and in great ignominy, sleep came later than I've expected. The intro not a little nor lot but wholly offkey. Not a note was hit right. Imagine the shame if anybody who watched KTS recognizes me when they meet me in school. Dang! Not one of my friends told me that it was that bad, of it was bad. All they said was we did well, yeah, it was good. I think so too except for that first part. Only that part. Maybe that's why I never saw John smile while he was playing unlike that when he played for Zealots. He gave that refreshing smile that tells you immediately when you see it, you can tell he's having a good time. Oh, John... I worry not though, because I'll be seeing him again, hopefully 'cause we're having a gig in Dasma and he'll probably be playing for us again. I wish. I wish.
What's next? Lemme think... Ah! Maybe next time... I can't tell everything, you know. So that's it...
I'm outta here.
No comments:
Post a Comment