A GRRREATO, Burrrning Day!

KOWAI!!! It was very unnerving, [First meeting: scary!] I can't think straight. This aftertoon's panel interview was more like an interrogation than an interview. My friend said the interviewers would burn/cook me alive but what happened was that they didn't even bother to light a fire and start the burning... They ate me alive! Hehe, kidding. But really, I was dazed, too nervous to speak and answer all of the questions, one after the other, thrown at me. It felt like blood was rushing into brain and about to make my head explode. I don't think I have any chance. Good thing, after the interview I saw my Genshi-friends [Greg, Dan, Jason, Scott, Alain, Ryan, Jerome and Norman] at the CSO office and went to hang out in there for a while. I was so happy to see those faces. My stress-level went down a little but my head is already aching the moment I went out of the HF office but it was only then that I was able to breathe. I didn't stay long with the guys at CSO because it was hot in there that aggravated [whoa.. strong word, hehe...] my headache plus I didn't get enough sleep since I have to wake up early for the interview [and I was very sleepy] and I was the last one to be interviewed [I patiently sat at the recieving area for hours]. The waiting isn't really that bad since I had some new people to talk to, and make friends with and saw another friend [Paul] on my way going out of school. A'right! So I got home by 5pm. I went to whip up something to eat and went on to watch Honey and Clover. I went to check my cellphone and got the good news: I GOT IN! [Uhh.. Somehow?] Banzai! It was worth all the scare, the nervousness I got from the panel interview. Despite the blunders I circumstancially committed, I still got in. Wooooo! Gambare masu! And, oh, I think my new friends ["social circle" "extended network" hehe..] passed too: Shaira, Patrick, John Paul and that freshman from HUB that Shaira named "Pinkee" because he was wearing pink. We're having our orientation Wednesday this coming week. Oh, can't wait. But I don't think I'll be telling anyone else except those that already know, let them discover for themselves. It's not like I did a  very good job anyway, or atleast not... Uhh... Nevermind.

Woohoo! Honey and Clover is KAWAII!

What's left to be worried about? Not to fail any of my subjects. I have another programming subject,  VB.net and  I still haven't taken the one that I failed, which is VB [and Physics 2]. Next up... My application for DMS and LPB and ILSFA. I know how expensive it is to be a mountaineer but I really [hounto ni, hounto ni] really want to climb a mountain for atleast once in my life. So I will do my best to be part of DMS. I said I want to prove something that's why I want to join the Pop Band right? I stand by my word and I'm not changing it. About ILSFA, I think I'm having second thoughts. Oh, and our thesis, and my birthday... Man, why did I ever tell my friends to come over? I want to back out! Hahaha.. Too many expenses without really having any money at hand. Yeah, my CosPlay too. What the- My head is swirling! I, so suddenly, want to back out on everything I work for, everything I want  to work for, and things that are waiting for me to work on. I don't understand what's happening to me.  This must be  one of my usual Fight or Flight situations. Demons inside my head with sirens' voices, they're... I don't know... But... I can't make them stop...

I'll be alright... Maybe... When I wake up tomorrow... And as long as I have something, anything, anybody to hold on to... I'll be fine... I should be happy but I can feel something within me is breaking apart... Can't wait to be with my friends again... My BCS friends... My Genshiken friends... My former bandmates... My new friends... This year can possibly the last year they'll ever find me in good condition... All this time, I feel like I've only been delaying a nervous/mental breakdown and if I can't any longer I just might have to apologize to everyone and say goodbye... And don't be stupid, I'm not and never will be suicidal... Don't ever take me for an idiot like that... I'm just burning out... But I'm still fighting.. Sorry for the sudden mood change... And the ellipses, hehe...

Dear God, I know The Dolphin is watching over me while you're watching him. Thank him for me. I know someway, somehow you had him help me today. I'm really thankful and happy, di lang halata hehehe. He's done so much for me without him knowing it, and the others who have helped me in their own ways too, you know who they are. I know you're watching over them too. Please always keep them safe. I don't know what will happen to me without them. I'm keeping my promise, that one I'll write in his memory. Give me anough strength too so I could keep fighting for my sanity. You know very well how close I am to losing it. I think too much. Help me to trust others so I don't have to endure this ordeal alone. And please make HIM realize how I feel. Amen.

Yay, my first blog prayer. Hehe.. Oyasuminasai, minna-san!

[PS: Kowai = Scary while Kawaii = Cute]