May mas sasaya pa ba?

Kung ikaw ay papasa sa isang asignaturang 'di mo inaakala?
Pero ikaw nama'y lagpak dun sa isang 'di mo inaasahan?
Fotcha! Fotek! Fotcha!
'Di ako namamalik-mata.
Tama naman ang nakita..
Lagot na naman. Tae talaga.

Yep. I already saw my grades. I passed my freakin' hellish programming subject and failed troubleshooting? The heck. I'll check my grades in his record tomorrow 'cause I'm hoping that he just missed my exam grade since I took a special exam. How many are we, anyway? Or am I the only one? Maybe, hopefully, he just forgot to encode it or if I really failed, though I refuse to accept it, I have no choice. It's buh-bye HF and hello lifetime of sermon from whoever feels like having to give me a sermon. F*ck! It would be easier to accept if it was the programming subject because I freaking stink in the subject but a subject that taught us to do stupid interfacing cards and circuits and not the actual my-computer-is-broken-and-I-need-to-fix-it kind of troubleshooting. WHAT THE HELL?!

Now, it wouldn't surprise me if people should blame it to my extra-curriculars again. Well, it has nothing to do with my clubs, my hobbies, and all the other things I do outside academics. If you want an explanation, well, better read up. I do things because I want to do them. They are my way of expressing my self, my way of relieving my self from stress, my way of protecting my self from the harshness of the world and the people in it, my way of keeping happy despite all the negativities the world is throwing at me. Escape, people. Escape. AGAIN, no one has any idea how much it hurts me to end a class with literal and figurative headache because the logic, formulas and programming statements are too much for my brain to handle, and I can't even freakin' finish one stupid program on my own. I'm a right-brain person, if that is a good excuse. No one has any idea how much I'm hurt and insulted when someone makes fun of me because of that and I hope you know who you are and you get to read this of you've forgotten, I wish this would remind you YOU TACTLESS SON OF YOUR MOM! All I can think of during these times are, "What time is it? I have to go now. Too much. I have to go to my friends".  I suddenly remembered what an old friend used to say, we should control our emotions because sometimes, when we feel too much of an emotion, such as happiness, we tend to say and do things that we forget to think about other people and how our words and actions would make them feel. Of course, you wouldn't know that, you never had the friends I have, you have nobody to tell you that. I wanted to stress-eat again, I'm panicking, I need to getaway but I'm saving my money and my energy for our outdoor outing, and I'm still a few bucks short and I haven't got my supplies yet, and there's no way I'm passing on this one. I may always seem like I'm taking things easily, like I don't care, well, sometimes, I really don't, sometimes, I just don't let things affect me. I understand how you, people, would never understand, and see things from where I stand, and see it the way I see it, and I don't blame you, actually, I don't expect you to, I don't expect any understanding, esp. not from you. I go through life at my own pace, and If you think I'm just wasting my time on worthless things, I pity you. You don't get to enjoy life the way I'm enjoying it. I'm exploring every aspect of my life, one piece at a time. Bakit nga ba minamadali ng mga tao ang buhay ko? 'Di naman sila ang nahihirapan. Ewan. Ewan. EWAN! I'm bound to them for now, but I will find a way to set myself free. If things should go against the plan, gagawan ko naman ng paraan eh. Gaya ng chopsuey na nasira dahil nakalimutan kong kainin no'ng isang araw, wala naman akong magagawa. Go where the wind takes me. 'Pag may windbreakers, mauuntog tapos lipad ulit. Hahaha. Whatever. Wala na naman akong sense. I knew this was coming... Fotcha talaga! Well, so much for the drama. Next time na lang ulit kahit paulit-ulit kahit nakakasawa. Hahaha.

Kung maayos nga lang ang lahat sa pamamagitan ng pag-iyak at mapapagaan ang loob ng pag-untog ng sarili sa pader, sana ginawa ko na kahit mamaga lang ang mga mata at magkabukol pa kaya lang hindi ko nga ba hiniling din ito? Have I not subconsciously wished for it? To be relieved of some duties, to stay longer and do more things, for more time and opportunity to prove my worth. Ang drama talaga. Bahala na. If something could still be done about it, if there are corrections, that'd be good but if it's final, well, what's new? It's not the first time and dealing with failures is one of the things I'm good at.

10 Peaks Update: Pulag team aborted due to military operations and will join Team Benguet. Other teams, nakaalis na. 'Yung iba paalis pa lang. Yeah! Goodluck sa 'ting lahat!

Nagugulo na naman ang mapayapa kong isip but still, I'm hoping for better things, better days, happier moments, more money. Hahaha.

Makulay... Ang Crayons.