As if it's that easy?
I don't even know what the game is. You can't keep your mind on something when that something don't even exist or at least not yet. They say you have to put your heart into something in order to succeed but it cannot be helped that you lose your head when you break your heart with life's frustrations and failures, and because of that you lose your sense of direction and you can't find just where to place your heart. Makes you think how much life can reek no matter how much you know how life is so great. Guess I have no choice but to think again, and again like I always do until I get my head thinking straight again and I'll know what to do. Oh, heavens.. I could use some divine intervention [not that everyday isn't but] 'cause I need some help about a lot of things esp. my weight.
I went back to school today to claim my alumni card and meet my friends. Man, it feels good. It feels good to see sunlight again, hehe. Went to hangout with friends esp. those I have stopped hanging out with since before I left school, my friends at the publication, and my mountaineer friends [had a little meeting to plan the activities of the group for the rest of the year]. It was nice having to talk to people other than those here in the house with us. We're actually kinda crowded here my aunts and my cousins are here with us. And I'm kinda locking up myself in my room because, well, I'm not really into crowded, uh, crowds?, even if they are family. Anyway, all the planning we made got me so excited and looking forward which reminds me, I need to already *drumrolls* Find a job. Woooh. The money I got from my first job is almost gone, partly because I lent my Mom some of it and I'm not really sure when she's paying it back] and with all the trips and tours and adventures we're planning, I will need money to be part of it all.
What should I do? What do I want to do? What can I do?
I, myself, am wondering. I need to straighten my head, only then can I straighten up my life. Once you find your center, you are sure to win, says this song from Mulan, but I was thinking: should we know first where the top, the bottom, the left and the right first before we can know the center? This sounds kinda literal but it makes perfect sense to me ['cause I'm the one who said it] that you should first know the place before you can find the center, kinda like using a map; you should know first what you want to do, write a clear, accurate map of it in your mind and you use your heart as a compass and everything else, like your feet, your hands, your character, your talents, are just the tools to help you get there. See, I use to think I wanted this particular thing I used to like to do as a career but seeing how it didn't work out for me at first attempt, I just don't want to fall flat on my face again. I'm now doubting if I can actually live doing that thing. I don't really like keeping things that remind me of my failures, no matter how much it means/meant to me. As much as I wanted to take a big step, I don't know what to step on to. I think it's kinda pathetic, I am pathetic.
Aaliyah said, if at first you don't succeed, you can mess it up and try again, pick yourself up and try again. Mariah and Whitney says, you will when you believe. Celine says, don't surrender 'cause you can win. Miley says, you control the game, so let them know your name. And the Divas say, if the minds keeps thinking you've had enough, but the heart keeps telling you don't give up. I say, I don't really know if that works for me.
If only there was someone, who could give me that push off a cliff and wait for me from below as I plummet to my death, and catch me like a trampoline so I can bounce back up and land safely on my feet.. Well, until that comes, I think I'll stay at the edge and think about when and where, and how to take my plunge, and how to actually survive it.
I had so much fun today, kept my mind off some things for a while. Just like what Cosmo always says: Good times, good times.
I'm at it again tomorrow, after then it will take me some time before I can pay them a visit again. Oh, and I still haven't written that blog about TNF last Sunday. Oh, well. It's getting late, I'll make time for that later.
I don't even know what the game is. You can't keep your mind on something when that something don't even exist or at least not yet. They say you have to put your heart into something in order to succeed but it cannot be helped that you lose your head when you break your heart with life's frustrations and failures, and because of that you lose your sense of direction and you can't find just where to place your heart. Makes you think how much life can reek no matter how much you know how life is so great. Guess I have no choice but to think again, and again like I always do until I get my head thinking straight again and I'll know what to do. Oh, heavens.. I could use some divine intervention [not that everyday isn't but] 'cause I need some help about a lot of things esp. my weight.
I went back to school today to claim my alumni card and meet my friends. Man, it feels good. It feels good to see sunlight again, hehe. Went to hangout with friends esp. those I have stopped hanging out with since before I left school, my friends at the publication, and my mountaineer friends [had a little meeting to plan the activities of the group for the rest of the year]. It was nice having to talk to people other than those here in the house with us. We're actually kinda crowded here my aunts and my cousins are here with us. And I'm kinda locking up myself in my room because, well, I'm not really into crowded, uh, crowds?, even if they are family. Anyway, all the planning we made got me so excited and looking forward which reminds me, I need to already *drumrolls* Find a job. Woooh. The money I got from my first job is almost gone, partly because I lent my Mom some of it and I'm not really sure when she's paying it back] and with all the trips and tours and adventures we're planning, I will need money to be part of it all.
What should I do? What do I want to do? What can I do?
I, myself, am wondering. I need to straighten my head, only then can I straighten up my life. Once you find your center, you are sure to win, says this song from Mulan, but I was thinking: should we know first where the top, the bottom, the left and the right first before we can know the center? This sounds kinda literal but it makes perfect sense to me ['cause I'm the one who said it] that you should first know the place before you can find the center, kinda like using a map; you should know first what you want to do, write a clear, accurate map of it in your mind and you use your heart as a compass and everything else, like your feet, your hands, your character, your talents, are just the tools to help you get there. See, I use to think I wanted this particular thing I used to like to do as a career but seeing how it didn't work out for me at first attempt, I just don't want to fall flat on my face again. I'm now doubting if I can actually live doing that thing. I don't really like keeping things that remind me of my failures, no matter how much it means/meant to me. As much as I wanted to take a big step, I don't know what to step on to. I think it's kinda pathetic, I am pathetic.
Aaliyah said, if at first you don't succeed, you can mess it up and try again, pick yourself up and try again. Mariah and Whitney says, you will when you believe. Celine says, don't surrender 'cause you can win. Miley says, you control the game, so let them know your name. And the Divas say, if the minds keeps thinking you've had enough, but the heart keeps telling you don't give up. I say, I don't really know if that works for me.
If only there was someone, who could give me that push off a cliff and wait for me from below as I plummet to my death, and catch me like a trampoline so I can bounce back up and land safely on my feet.. Well, until that comes, I think I'll stay at the edge and think about when and where, and how to take my plunge, and how to actually survive it.
I had so much fun today, kept my mind off some things for a while. Just like what Cosmo always says: Good times, good times.
I'm at it again tomorrow, after then it will take me some time before I can pay them a visit again. Oh, and I still haven't written that blog about TNF last Sunday. Oh, well. It's getting late, I'll make time for that later.
Nyt-nyt, world! 
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