...........

This is pretty heart-breaking! My drive A just won't read my diskettes. I'm worried not about the disk drive but my files. I kept most of them for so many years, they're hard to find now ans I might lose them permanently. I tried cleaning the drive but still won't read.



Tinamad ako so I didn't go out today but I'll be on it tomorrow. Now, tinatamad na akong mag-blog. See, I'm writing in Filipino. Gutom na ko. Next time na lang ulit.



~*~*~*~



And after five minutes, I changed my mind. I found something that confirmed my hunch and gave me more hope. Cogie uses YM, and... Aaahhhh!









Aasa na naman ako! I hope he gets to read this, baka maisip nyang mag-iwan ng message. Konti na lang talaga! Kung alam nya lang na siksik, liglig, at umaapaw ang saya ko ngayon. Haaay... Papansinin nya nga ako?! Di bale, mag-iintay pa rin ako. Too much ba yung umasa na kahit sa YM lang makausap ko sya? Or kahit sa phone? Or heaven na kung personal... Haaay... Iniisip na naman kita, eh, di mo naman ako kilala? Ang lapit mo na, sobrang layo mo pa rin? Kelangan kong kumilos pero sa'n ako magsisimula? Kumokorny na ko pero okay lang dahil yan ang totoo... Gusto kong sumigaw.



"Coooooooogieeeeeeeeeee! Reeeeeeedmooooooond!"



Alam ko... para talaga akong tanga!

Meltdown

I don't have, in no way, any intentions to be mean but I just wish people would try to grow up. I have my own share of foolishness but I know when to put them aside and when to raise them. Excuse me for being so self-righteous but if I could just tell them to RISE ABOVE THE PETTINESS. I read that in today's Friendster Horoscope and it only hit me when I read something somewhere from someone and found it really annoying. I don't know them personally and I don't wanna put them to shame but their behavior is way unacceptable. Let's put it this way, they should try to act their age [whatever age they maybe] and in their case, watch their manner of speaking [the very fact that you already know how to face people, speak with them, you can share your thoughts but be tactful], and knowing that what they're saying is not so nice, they should've known not to speak at all. How pathetic, they think they're being cute. EW!



I really miss Cogie. Oh, my, here I go again. I just wanna see him do his stuff on television and the movies again. I have lots of pictures and stuff [including a mug I bought from Penshoppe with him on it], but as much as I wanna see him, I don't wanna look at them. They just make me long for him all the more. By heart, I've been with him through everything they throw at him, watching his career progress, and I know what he's got and I just can't get enough but sadly he's not being given enough opportunities to pick up where he left off. I think I know how hard that could be but all I can do is wait and dream; look out to that distant star without even a guarantee that I too can get my chance to go to where he is/was and reach him. Ang daming balakid, speaking of which...



Guess who checked my Friendster profiles the other day... The controversial elder sister Marissa Scott. I remember checking her profile a few months back but I was surprised to see her check my profile too. I think I know what she's thinking. Haha! I'm just being evil.



Dunno what but I know something good is happening to Bev's life today. I read she already moved from Guam to Vegas with her boyfriend but not sure yet since I haven't talked to her yet. She seems too busy to reply to her messages in YM but all the same I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy, I just hope she knows and never forgets. I wasn't always there for her, but I'm always her friend. Be assured, girl! I hope she gets to read this. I just wish her the best of luck, life and love, all the happiness in the world, blessings from the good Lord and... Miss you, Bev! Haha... Though I do hide from her when she was still here... Sorry Bev! Hehe... Peace!



I went to fetch my grade report today. I didn't flunk a thing. The results were highly satisfying and I bet Summer will be all good. I think it's my first time in two weeks to actually go out of the house. I did not sleep well last night and when I got home, I was freaking tired and slept all afternoon. Next week, my sleeping pattern will have to change yet again. I'm going back to school, yay! And I'm looking forward to meeting new people like my first three summers. This actually will be my last in college since next summer, I will have to work as intern as a requirement in finishing the course. Heck! I have to make the most of it and I'm starting off with...



Watching Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Haha! I'm going to see it tomorrow. I'll just have to first get done with my enlistment then off to the cinema, I go. I can't wait! Then next week, I'm going to see Moments of Love and the following weeks will be dedicated to whatever plans I have for this season. Haha...



I have dreams and plans and I know so well that I can never make them real by just sitting here, waiting and dreaming. So when do I start moving? I'm actually taking my time. I'm on my pupal stage, I'm still a caterpillar and I've only started spinning my cocoon and I'm not sure when but I will be out, free, cut-loose, unleashed. The time will come that I'll be rocking the world in my own little way. Just you wait and see...



I'm simply owning and unstoppable!

gimme some skin!

I did something I should never have done last night. The price: I've been rolling like an armadillo trying to sleep. I should've done something productive instead of trying to get sleep. Now I'm reminded of something that I should never have forgotten: Never drink anything with caffeine from 6pm onwards if I don't wanna stay up till morning. I have no problem with coffee since I don't drink coffee, it's just carbonated drinks that I can't get enough of. A little dose can keep me up till 7am of the next day. I just hope I get a decent sleep tonight 'cause I have to go to school to get my grades tomorrow morning. No more softdrinks tonight, or maybe just a little since I chilled a bottle of Pepsi for tonight. Hehe... Sleeplessness is all in the mind... I think! Haha! And I think I already look like a raccoon because of my eyebags.



I recall from a few weeks back, having played with one of black kittens [actually it's more of dark brown]. It was purring outside my window, perhaps calling out to its mother, so I went out to get it and play with it. I got one of my shoe boxes and put it in. Whenever I lifted the box up, the kitten would tremble terribly. Now I know what "scaredy cat" means. I never expected something to shake that hard. I thought only humans can get that scared. I remembered the time i went to GMA for auditions. I shook like that little kitten. I was cold in and out [because their aircon fanned freezing cold]. That was the first time in my life that I ever got so shaking scared. I wanna be braver this time. No more shaking when I try it one more time. And how exactly am I going to do that? I have no idea.



Isn't it about time somebody save my life? Just wondering. Been trying to be a hero to some of the people who thinks they need me but I don't get the support back. Not totally but I get only a little of the lot that I need. My mind set has always been: if nobody's going to be giving it to me, I'll be getting it for my self, but I'm becoming too weak to do things for myself. But, hey, don't take what you read literally. Don't be dumb! Haha!



I know now what's not-so ineteresting about my blog: it's mostly ranting and who would actually want to come back to read me rant? I don't make sense. Not that I don't really make sense but not the sense that society-conscious, facts, observant, analytical, and earth-friendly sense of sense plus the fact I'm not even a celebrity. If I was famous... Ah! Nevermind 'cause I'm simply not. But I'm not losing hope that I make it someday.



About the layout, I'll be working on something new. This time, I'm asking Boris for help. Hi, Boris! I'll meet you na lang in May for the software I promised. I will text you, I promise! I'm just too lazy to buy load and much more lazier to get my fingers to text. I prefer typing on the keyboard. Hehe...



I told Bev I'm getting a makeover. Not total, just planning to have my hair dyed. I'm doing it before May, and hopefully, I can find ways to lose weight so I can look better when I visit my friends in Lucena for the fiesta. I wish to get my other clothes to fit me again. Awww... And I hope I can bring a friend with me. But it will have to take time to convince him to come, we'll see but I will have to do it stealthily. He will be coming with me without him knowing it. Haha, kidnap na 'to!



Been camwhoring the other night, and I love the results. I just need a real digicam with a good resolution. Awww... Plus, I need new makeup sets. I want more color 'cause those I have need more coats before you can see results. And I also need a bluetooth for the PC, a scanner, and a printer so I can show the world my creations. I'm getting 3 of my films developed this summer and hopefully I can get the pictures scanned, printed and uploaded. And I do have artworks I want to share in Deviantart.com. but until then...



I'm expecting to have passed all 5 subjects I took this sem or if not, I will have no choice but to take it again but this time with my blockmates and less vacant time for me the following sems.



I still have to years to prove myself. I don't wanna be doing something just for the fun of it. I wanna be do something because I'm good at it and I wanna prove myself and something at that field. I hope they'd understand. If I get to do what I had to to prove myself, I will come back but if they just won't let me then i'll call it quits...



Pray for me, show me love, and give me some skin!

Summah Rantin'

Past summers never got this exhausting. There was never a day that my head didn't hurt. The heat is getting in to my head. We never had aircon, but I wish we have one. And my fan just won't fan harder. The switch just won't turn, I broke it some time last year, and worse I lost it. Now, I have to deal with "1"... I need a three or four to cool my head.



I missed the tropa's outing, now I'm dying to go out and have a get-away, somewhere. Actually, anywhere we'll do as long as it's not inside the house. Some place cool, and adventurous. Man, I wanna go swimming, I wanna go to a zoo, or just stroll. My friends still aren't nagpaparamdam. It isn't always fun talking to my self. I'm running out of activities on the computer, missing the food I used to eat, esp. that street steamed dumpling [or simply siomai for noobs], I use to buy. They don't have it anywhere near here inside the subdivision and I won't be out of the house until the 30th, since only then will I go to school to get my grades.



Can't wait to get back to school. I'm definitely going to watch those two movies I like next week. I love staying at home but I do get bored too and there isn't a lot of places I can go to, simply because I don't know how to get to the places that I wanna go to. Nice, eh? From next week to the end of this sem, I promise never to miss a movie that I'd love to see. Mark my blog!



Maso-stroke yata ako!

tis the season

Since it's Lent, a reflection is just in season (though it doesn't really have to be Lent for us to reflect on our lives). I'm not religious so this won't be something biblical. There's been random thoughts running through my head these past few weeks [including how my friends are di mahagilap these days, hardly anyone's online, and how in a week's time I'll be back in school to take my Summer classes, and hopefully my piano lessons].



Remember how Harry Potter told the sorting hat not to put him in Slytherin, and how he doubted his being in Gryffindor? I was thinking... I am where I belong now. I could've stayed but I made my choice. The Hat said that Slytherin can help his on your way to greatness, the same way that I would've done better if I chose either Philosophy or Psychology over Computer Science. I passed the entrance exam for those two but not CS's but still I had them reconsider my entry and they let me in. I had 4 semesters before I realized I'm done with it and I belong somewhere else. But if I never went in, I would've never met these wonderful people I have as friends. Yeah, maybe I would still have met them but it will never be the same as how we are now. We all are as close as sibs. And the lesson is: We always have a choice, we are our own drivers, steer our own wheels. Like right now, if I don't get over my fear, I will be doomed to stagnation.



Currently watching news, there was this old man who jumped off a bridge and drowned himself in Pasig River. People tried to revive him but he succeeded with his suicide. I can't imagine how people could carelessly throw their lives away. You know where suicides go? Straight to... Straight down! Please pray for him.



Where is Cogie? Where is Cogie. I have no idea. It's Dawn's birthday today and if she's throwing a party, it is not impossible that Cogie will be there. Happy birthday, Dawn Marie Jimenez Balagot! By the way, I don't know her personally but since he's Cogie's friend, I pretend to know her. Just play along...



Peeee-yuuuuuuh-nooooow! Yay! I just printed a piano sheet for Out of my League by Stephen Speaks. I will be studying it tonight. Awww... Goodluck sa'kin!



A friend may be thinking I'm mad at him but not really. I'm not answering his calls because I just don't feel like talking to him. I'm not replying to his messages because I don't feel like texting, and that goes out to everyone: I'm too lazy to text or even load my phone. I hope there is a chance that he'll get to read this. Sorry, pare!

Best advices ever

It just felt right to share. It was a blessing that Yahoo had this 'Answer' thingy and I've got the best responses I can get from people I do not know. They cared. I felt their sincerity in wanting to help and it would just be well-deserved that the world read of their wisdom:

The question is: How do I fight the feeling of inferiority and stage fright?

* When you get on stage, place your hands behind you & clench your fists as tight as possible; then release.
Do the same with your legs; tighten the leg muscles; hold for 10 seconds, then release. This will dissipate your tension. ~ Arigolony


* I suffered from the same thing so I know what you're talking about. I couldn't speak when I was in a room with 4 or more people in it. Actually I couldn't even think. I went to a specialist and when he told me what he told me, I thought he was crazy. He told me to take off my belt and buckle it tight around my chest underneath my shirt. Weird but for some reason it worked great. Something about making you realize you're in control or something. Soon I switched from a belt to a string, and now all I have to do is try to feel my chest. You owe it to yourself to at least try it. ~ Hickhouse


* Practice feeling confident by yourself first. Deliver your lines or perform your act by yourself and remember the feeling of confidence you have when you don't have an audience. When you actually get on stage or perform in front of people, take a few seconds to recall that feeling. If it helps to imagine that the audience are all stones or you feel the need to block out the audience, do it. However, when you feel okay already, you can look for a friendly or receptive face in the audience and perform for that person. In time, you will learn how to perform in front of a crowd without turning into a tub of jelly. Good luck! ~ Trillian


* been there, done that i know how you feel and i had to sing with my friends in a play and i was scared to death at the auditions but i made it to the play honey choreography is not for me i suck at dancing. just don't think about and have a positive attitude or just pray that's your best bet. don't look out in the audience look at something or someone that you feel comfortable with and it will go away. everyone has to do this sometimes i sing for fun but not in front of my friends don't quit your band that just your pride getting in the way. ~ ladybug18ju


* look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself everything you DO like about yourself and pride yourself on those. then ask yourself why you don't like the other things about yourself. if need be, try to change it, but never change who you really are.maybe you don't like your hair, cut it then how you would like it. . . and baout stage fright?! i think you just gotta know that you're good and realize, that it's really all in your head, no one is going to be making fun of yo or anything like that, they came to listen to the band, not to stare and point at you. i'm sure the more you got on stage, the better it'll get. try prcticing with your band(if you join back up again) and invite a small group of people to come listen, baby steps. ~ angel_to_ashes


* I always imagine the audience is full of my friends, all of whom couldn't care less if I do well or screw up or whatever. They're just here to see me do my thing. ~ Neodiogenes


* do the thing you worry about, but DO NOT QUIT doing it! ~ elvisburlan


* You will never get over it, but you will learn to cope with it. Accept you are going to feel like dying; we all do, but time is good at letting us know that the feeling passes once you are really into what you are performing with your entire body. I know great singers who suffer this as well, and the trembling will pass if you keep getting out there. Good Luck, and don't give up! ~ Zrana



Thank you all for taking time to answer my question. I'm not closing the question just yet, I know there are still people who wants to share and help. Thank you very much!

Don't dream it's over

It hurts when something hits you hard on the head but that's when you realize that something hit you and you'll never know what it is until you check it and see who threw it. Does that make sense? I'm not sure.



I've been thinking... thinking... and thinking still...



Anyway, I tried Yahoo Answers. I asked a question, whose answer I've been dying to know. And thank God! I got satisfying answers. By the way, thanks to Son of the Prodigal for the idea. Oh, I chose only the best answers.



As you see, I've started a few paragraphs and another on this line when I decided, I don't feel like blogging. This is the time of the year when my brain starts hibernating and you just don't feel like wanting to think, until it's school time and everything resumes back to it's normal phase. So until then, I will not be obliged to organize my thoughts. Sheeesh! I remember my Constitution class last Summer, my professor asked me to organize my thoughts before I answer. Hehe... Nevermind.



It's late and I'm not sleepy yet so I'll try other things to get busy with until sleep comes.



Till my next post...

Time out

I give up, for now. I tried my best to figure out how to encode on the layout I made but I just can't. I'm using this for now until the day I get to use my own template. But admit it, it's gorgeous, right? That's why I chose it.



I think this'll be it for now. I'm not in the right state of mind to write, and my thoughts are not in order.



So until next post...

Just plain sucks!

I've been working on a layout for my blog since last night but it didn't get saved, the program became unresponsive, the pc hung and my 5 hours of work was gone. I started a new one this afternoon and I'm finished with the design, the slicing, but I just do not know how to put the codes and what codes to put. I'm a useless IT student and help is not available at the moment since the people I'll be getting help from are not online. So until I finished with everything, there will be no more post after this one. Pray that I get this one or I have to resort to other people's layout which sucks more than not knowing how to actually make a layout. Rawr!

Eating my blues away...

Could've been waiting in the parking lot waiting for the guys to finish their exams or maybe packing my things up getting ready to go to Dasma and meet up with the ComScis but where am I right now? Infront of the PC, just finished leveling up my Freestyle character, Center and already at level 10, and feasting ona bowl of lomu trying to cheer my self up. Ho-ho! I wanted to soak on a pool with them, sing all night on a jukebox, play billiards, just chill but at the moment, I can only dream. Life is a chain reaction and it caught me. I promise to make it up to them next sem and hopefully I can suggest to Enchanted Kingdom next time. They're graduating anyway, their parents will probably allow them, they're not minors anymore. I can't believe I'm missing one of my last moments with them. If I didn't fail Computer Programming 1, I wouldn't have to drop Data Structures and would have finished it, if I was good in Math, I would never have to take Trigonometry thrice, if I never failed Computer Programming 4, I would never have shifted, I could still be hanging out with them, same schedule, I would never be thinking about missing them since I'll be seeing them for the rest of my college life. My plans for today, get drunk... with soda, you fool! I don't drink alcoholic drinks just to get drunk and I don't drink by myself. I only drink when me and my friend have a get-together and that is like 2 to 5 times a school year. I just wish I could be with them right now. I guess I will just have to settle with listening to the stories that they are bringing home to tell. Me and my relatives haven't gone swimming together since that financial problem rose in their family now I only have my friends to go out swimming with since my family isn't so much into going out but they do without me since I don't really like going out with them and some family friends. I usually choose to stay at home, but I really, really wanna go swimming. I'm not so good at swimming, imagine being the last person to leave the pool during our swimming class for PE, heck! but I love the waters, I love soaking, I just don't like getting over-tanned and sunburned. Awwweeee...



God has been so good to me yesterday. I had my chance to chat a little with R.J., stare into his beautiful eyes, his smooth skin --I didn't get to feel his skin but the look of it tells me that they are truly silky smooth and I love his complexion--, listen to his beautiful voice and how he spoke intelligently. He's face is not so smooth because the pores are visible, he must've suffered acute acne but I love his face. I stared at him from the glass pane that reflects light from the outside of the building and giving me a good look at his reflection. I hope that wouldn't be the last time I'll ever see him. ~R.J.B., I like you~ ...



I've eaten a lot already since I came home this afternoon. Food is one effective cure. Now you will know how I've grown this fat, I prefer to eat my blues away and brood at the same time. Been eating two and a half hour straight and I'm still not satisfied. I'm not feeling so bad but I just wanna eat. I have to rest now.



Exams are over and I now officially declare this Friday as Summer Break. Enjoy, everyone!


...........


Lame, lame, lame... It's official, Richard Gutierrez is Captain Barbell. I hate it. Saw it on the news just 5 minutes ago. New shows coming but the same faces will be seen on television. I can stand Dennis Trillo and Angel Locsin (yay, Majika!) but Richard? He reminds me of the nightmare that was Sugo. Hell! That should've been Cogie's. I wonder what "mommy" did to land Chard to the role.



Aw, I'm a murderer! I killed a generation of spiders. Haha... I had Bitoy, one of our house cats, run after the big pregnant spider all over the bathroom. Then when he caught it on the floor, he bit it and I guess he liked the juices that spurted out of its dead body and ate the whole spider. He had the crunch of his lifetime, I heard the crispy exoskeleton, as his teeth sank into the spider's body. Eww! I wanted to through up imagining myself eating a live spider. I remember this buffet featured in National Geographics News. The guests ate impaled, deep-fryed insects like tarantulas and Madagascar roaches, reptiles and rodents. Heck, those carnivores!



Man, nagsi-swimming na sila by now. As much as I've wanted to join them, I have no choice but miss out. I will never let myself be without money ever again. I'll be ready next time, I promise.

Summer = Sweat+Stink

Bahala na. I just have to prepare for what I will hear. I made a choice and I'm definitely getting some lightweight scolding. Nagastos ko ang pera, oh no! It's my money but I had to save for the last wave of payment for the money I owed for buying my concert tickets. Ahhh! Bahala na sa sermon! Another thing, I can't come with the guys this Friday. Well, they'll only be having it in a clubhouse inside Dasmarinas but the venue doesn't really matter as long as I'm with them. Waaah!



I was talking to Bev through YM the other night and I bet she knows now that a lot of things have changed since she left.



† One of our kittens was literally crushed. Not sure who's done it but I hate them. They just couldn't care, not even a bit for animals. Yeah, that kitten was not so cute but it's alive, the very fact that it lives, it breathes, it eats they should know better and respect it. If animals can speak they'd probably want to migrate to America because animal rights are very well respected there. Some people in this country are just so savage, they'd prefer eating animals, or kill them than take care of them. God bless the soul of that nameless kitty R.I.P. †



I'm not so much into Fil-Ams but I started liking Brian Viloria just this afternoon. He guested in Bulagaan Flush Room. I think he's really cute. I like his eyes and he's got a nice voice. He sang with Gladys Guevara. It was funny seeing him stick his tongue out. Man I really like him. Looking at him intently, I realized that he look a lot like one of my friends. He has this similarity with Andrew, or maybe it's just my imagination. Now we I got two famous boxer friends: Iam is Manny Pacquiao, now Andrew is Brian Viloria. I miss that boy. I haven't heard from him since I last sent him a message on Friendster August last year. I heard he's coming back soon, can't wait.




Already seen the trailer for The Da Vinci Code. I'm definitely going to see that one. Alone, most probably since I have no one to see it with. My friends will be with their OJTs. Aawww... Anyway, it'll be coming up on March 19th then on the 29th will be Moments of Love. Yeah, I know it's not quite me to watch this kind of movie but the theme is just enthralling. I'm not a fan of either Dingdong Dantes or Iza Calzado but I love the trailer and I'm sure that'd be good.



http://www.sodarktheconofman.com --> Official website. Man, I love the games, check it out. Haha! Beat me, boy! Hehe...



It's so hard to fall in love with a distant star. How do you actually fly to the heavens to reach him? They all say I'm just a fan, but no I'm not 'cause I'm more than that.




*sings:


I loved you from a distant star,


I couldn't reach that far,


I can't believe how close that we are,


As I look into your Spanish eyes,


And the world is so beautiful tonight




I think I posted that song like 3 times already. But I love that song.



He's not really Spanish but he's Meztizo. He is Cogie Domingo. I've posted a lot about wanting to meet him in this blog a lot more than I can remember but what can I do, I love him. Sounds dumb, huh? Read this:



WISH FOR YOU ON A FALLING STAR,

WONDERING WHERE YOU ARE,

AND DO I EVER CROSS YOUR MIND IN THE WARM SUNSHINE?...

NEVER KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS TO ME,

I FELL FOR THE GIRL THAT'S ON TV




*sigh*



Hehe... I know it's from Girl on TV and he's a boy. I just love that part of the song.



The Extra Challenge trailer for tomorrow is really funny. The kids don't know how to count more than 100. Hehe... Kids!? But as far as I remember when I was their age, I already know how to count beyond 100. hehe...



Shout outs to Surfer Boy! I love reading and I'm glad to check out every blog I can read. Keep on blogging and like I told you, you should try eating something sweet. I t can help you feel better. And, oh, thank you for linking and this ones for you: *drum rolls* and *trumpets* and a choir of angels, tell them what you want and they'll sing for you.



Now, that'd be it for today. Time for my evening bath, I'm already sweaty and stinky. Buh-bye!



Ayt, I'm back! Hehe... I just felt like editing. My blog is such a mess. I asked Renan to make me a new layout since I'm to lazy to actually make my own layout and agreed to his condition of posting his own Google Ad. It doesn't really matter to me since my Google doesn't really earn anything. He already got his money while I only have 1 click but 300+ page impressions. Sucks. If you could look at my StatCounter which has 900+ on it, I'd say 300 of those are my own visit to my own blog. I have a very few readers. I can't help but compare. One celebrity's I know get to be visited by more than 300,000 people already and that includes me, my friends or former schoolmates won't even bother to visit my page. I arrived at a conclusion that: 1) the page is plain boring, 2) I don't always or at all make any sense, and 3) I'm nobody, who would care? I'm right am I? Yeah, I'm bitter. It's not so important to tell the whole internet world how I feel but I really wanna say that. If I was famous, they'd probably mob on my blog, add me on their YMs, link me, chat with me, ask for an interview, get my number... Hah!? I could only wish.



I had fries for dinner. I tried it with egg and breading. it was good except for one thing. I had too much cheese powder, KAUMAY! I think it affected my head. I got dizzy with the freaking cheese. I wanted to eat it up to the last piece of crumbs but I just had enough already. I let the cats have it. I will never overstuff again. I had to eat dozens of candy to remove the taste from my throat. Man, I will never do that again. I just wish brushing will remove the taste from my tongue. Eeeeek!



So what else is up today? The moon. I know it's evening already and it's already 10 past twelve as I write this part. Okay, I should've used tonight instead of today... blah-blah! So what!



I'm off to bed now. Just wanna wish my part of the world, Good night, good sleep and God bless. Kisses World!

Faith

I talked to Bryan last night through Friendster and he sounds quite sane. hehe... I'm not saying that he's not but because though I think he's still blinded by his faith to the dark side, he's making a real deal of sense. I told him I'm into arts again and he asked me to make an image of S... the fallen one but i told him I can't and that was where our discussion circled. I do not question his open-mindedness but I just cannot understand why'd he have to turn to the "other" side. We all chose the path we would take and he chose his, I used to walk on a dark road like two years ago but I'm so over it now. I'm not religious and I told him, I don't even go to church anymore and no one has to believe in Christ if they don't want to (though I do), but just believe that there's a Higher Power that rules us all even his guy down there. I was taught that no one has the monopoly of truth and our salvation depends on how we believe we will be saved.



Exam week a.k.a. Hell Week this week and then it'll be over. Yes!



Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's A Simple Life will premiere on Star World this Thursday at 8:30, if I remember it right. I hate those b****es esp. Paris but I'd love to see them make a fool of themseleves.



They just won't show Cogie on tv. I'm so longing to see him on tv and I know that'll be the only place where I can see him for now. I was very glad when I saw this girl with a picture with Cogie on Friendster. I envy her, I wanna see him but I can't do anything for now but dream since I can go anywhere because I'm not good at commuting outside Cavite. I've researched his hangouts but I just don't know how to get there, dang!



Starstruck Final Judgement tonight and I'm watching it. My bet: Iwa and Marky as Ultimate Survivors. I can already imagine their thick make-up, hehe... Just like last year's and the other year's, it's good thing that they carry their make-up well. Though I think LJ looked gay last year. Peace! By the way, Angelica a.k.a. Angel Locsin has a new TeleFantasia. I'm not a fan of hers but I think I'm going to watch it. The theme song is good, Kitchie Nadal wrote and sang it. Well, we'll see...



Sugar, the foolish-looking girl in Eat Bulaga is causing a drift between the show and the main dancers, Sexbomb. That's is just so unbelievable. She's not even a good dancer. Yeah, I'm a fan of the Sexbomb dancers and the way that Sugar os being packaged as a tearjerky, schizophrenic kid seems to be a disgrace to the group's image. I just hope they patch this up soon because EB is so sad without them and Sugar ebign the only one left there is so annoying.



BSB will be recordong their next album this summer, which is somwehere between June to August and they''' be touring again straight two years starting next year. Man, I can't wait to see them live again. Soundcheck parties, presscon, fancon, meet and greet... I gotta be part of it. Well I missed my very first fan conference yesterday. As much as I've wanted to come, I have no money and it's such a big problem nowadays. I probably can't even join the BCS peopz in their outing this week after the exams. *sigh*



Rest. rest. rest.

Latest so far

Camwhoring at its finest. I'll be uploading more soon...

Plugging

Nothing much to blog about, I just want to plug my blog that seem to have no other reader than my friends and a very few people that I know.

http://prisoner-of-eternity.blogspot.com

 

Answer to my life

It helped watching Jewel in the Palace and Spiderman 2 tonight. Things are being made clear to me now as I write. Some month ago I wrote something about a dream I have with this Marilyn Manson song and evil things all around. The song was entitled Obsequy, the Death of Art. Let me tear it piece by piece: Obsequy refers to a funeral rite of ceremony. All this time I've been trying to cure myself. As much as I've wanted to prove myself I'm immobilized by fear. I'm unconsciously dying because of being helpless against my inner demons. I am freaking work of art but I'm letting this world kill me. How the unconscious mind works is just unbelieveable, I just have to decide now what I will do about it now that I know what's wrong with me. I get locked in chains but I always did my best to break free, I keep still with all the commotion around me and think, but I wasn't aware that I lie awake in my death bed as I do it. Now, what has Jang-Geum and Peter Parker has to do with all these? They always had a choice and they choose what they will make out of life and not let life decide for their lives. I'm letting life control me instead of the other way around. I'm so dumb. The stars says it, and I'm plotting out my future plan, my next line of defense. After the exams next week, that will be my battle plan, think* think*



He called me! Who? An old friend. Nothing special but I'm really glad to hear from him.



Yeehah! Last round of payment and it'll be over but I'm still having a hard time saving. Look at this: almost 400Php spent on two projects only. I have 5 subjects, 2 of which didn't require much spending, one wasn't that expensive but these two projects are way too off the budget. I can't believe how some people can be simpletons and prefer to spend a lot rather than exploit resources, make use of talents, improvise. Alright, they aren't dumb but they're using their very common common sense too much. What could have I had with 400 bucks? Man that was really annoying. I don't think I can let that happen again. I'll try my best 1)not to procrastinate learning, 2)make sure to expand my resources and 3) take charge. I'm not so considerate about telling things about other people in a journal that anyone in the world can read but this is the only place I can shout out my not-so sentimental sentiments. Yeah, I think I'm better than other people on some things and I just can't understand why they have to be so themselves. I wanna tell them to think outside the box, go to outer space, visit your favorite planet, specialize on something aside from being simple. Yabang ko, I know but I just can't take it. No, no, no...



Ayt, now I'm so sleepy. No school tomorrow but a lot of sorting-things-out to do. I'll be figuring out what has to be figured out and get SMUG all the way, Hehe...

Miss out

People can be so mean. I read an article about a text chain that went out yesterday saying that Cogie had an accident and is currently in ICU. Thank God that nothing of those were true. I would've have broken down if I got that text, thank goodness. When will I see him on my tv screen again? Will ever get to meet him? Awzee... I can find much on him right now and I really miss him, I huess have to dream on as usual...



Nothing I can do now but wait. I pray that I get to be a part of him somehow but I can't even find a way. I had the chance to make an impression but I was unaware that that was it. I really like him! Waaah! He's older than I am but I really like him. He's not your boy-next-door but I like him. Fate must have a better plan for us but... Ewan! I should've torn that page for him. I think that was Feb28 when the class was in the library, he approached me about the questionaires for the project, I showed him my notes, I was thinking if I will tear that page but my mind wasn't working. I'm not sure how I looked but my head was just out of order. While he was reading the questions, I was there thinking if something was written at the other side of the page and if I will tear it but at the same time I was blank. I was so close... Heck! I should've been more alert. Grrr... I hope to see him this summer or next sem or just whenever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in-love, just crushing on R.J. right now. More dreaming on for me until that special day. Maybe I'm just not praying hard enough or it's gotta have to wait or, though I don't wanna think about it, it will never happen. Heaven forbid it... :-(



I remember someone telling me I'm intimidating and scaring people off. Must be the way I look, how bad do I look? Must be the way I walk, definitely not the way I talk. Maybe because I look stern, I'm often seen alone alone somewhere staring on to oblivion, reading a book, staring blankly ahead, I used to walk with ear phone with hands in my pockets, eyeliner (too lazy now for get up). I don't think I'm pale to look like a ghost or horrific to scare people like a monster behind the door. I don't bite but there is definitely something wrong about me. I'm aware that I give the people an impression of being a snob but is it that bad to intimidate people? Gees... Got nothing else I can say about the subject. Oh, well...



Nap time! See you on my next poet, if that'll ever be possible, hehe...

Tease me

Currently listening to: Three Doors Down - Here Without You. There's something about this song that I love. My sentimentality's taking over me. Must be that they used this as a tribute song to the late Eddie Gory Guerrero and I di have this thing about death and appreciating it's after effect though I haven't and I have no plans yet of experiencing losing someone to death. I'm shifting to senti mode. Speaking of which, I'm downloading old love songs right now. I'm not sure what got into me and I'm into this kind of trip but... I just love listening to them.



Eternity. There's this movie coming out this moment, not sure, from GMA Films called Moments of Love. I find it interesting because I love movies with that kind of theme, not necessarily love stories but, well, about love not knowing any boundaries, surpassing even time. I plan of seeing the movie when it comes out, of course I am 99% sure that I'm going alone. I have no one to see it with. I still haven't talked to my crush and I feel like time's running out. Though it's not so bad because I seem to meet new people, know others better and gain more friends. I feel most specially fond of BIT22, my classmates in Local Area Networking. They are so happy to be with, they make me feel highschool, I enjoy just sitting in a room with them. Well, I do love my new blockmates in BIT23 and being with them is fun too (liek this morning at the MAH kubo, there was endless teasing and laughing, and they, we are having LOADS of fun) but I feel more at home with 22. I forgot to write about what took place yesterday during Lab, the boys were singing to me that song from American Pie and asked if my name was taken from there, there was even beat boxing and dancing. Hehe... I'm 19 but I felt 15.



I haven't checked one of my favorite blogs, Freaking Fabulous'. It's a ctually a photo blog and I love his photos. Not sure if he takes them himself but it's not the only thing he puts there. He also puts surveys and a lot of cute things. I love his latest post. I love these kind of stuffs.



JULY

1. Always broods about the past and the old friends -> very true.

2. Approachable -> oh, yeah!

3. Caring and loving -> you bet!

4. Concern about people's feelings -> di lang halata.

5. Difficult to fathom and to be understood -> that's why they call me weird.

6. Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things -> ehem.

7. Easily consoled -> i guess.

8. Easily hurt but takes long to recover -> do you they know?

9. Forgiving but never forgets -> memories...

10. Friendly -> oh well!

11. Fun to be with -> you tell me..

12. Guides others physically and mentally -> inborn.

13. Hardworking -> not always.

14. Has reputation -> and it means a lot to me.

15. Homely person -> there's no better place.

16. Honest -> uhh...

17. Judge people through observations -> yes, I do that.

18. Likes to be quiet -> most of the time.

19. Loves to be alone -> bliss.

20. Loves to be loved -> don't you?

21. Moody and easily hurt -> ouch!

22. Never looks for friends -> they look for me.

23. No difficulties in studying -> unless I feel lazy.

24. Not aggressive unless provoked -> be warned, rawr!

25. Not revengeful -> aw... you think so?

26. Overly concerned -> not really... it can be fake.

27. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems -> GUILTY, your honor!

28. Puts in effort in work -> most of the time.

29. Quiet unless excited or tensed -> I think so too.

30. Secretive -> Ssshhh!

31. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully -> *wink*wink*

32. Sentimental -> Emo, sigh!

33. Strong sense of sympathy -> .....

34. Tactful -> more of introverted.

35. Takes pride in oneself -> SMUG!

36. Temperamental and unpredictable ->Grrr...

37. Treats others equally -> bait ko naman?!

38. Very emotional -> EMO! EMO!

39. Waits for friends -> *big wide smile*

40. Wary and sharp -> Very true and I love it.

41. Witty and shaky -> Beat me.



So I didn't get to do that transcription 'cause they've finished doing it yesterday. My only problem now is the conflict in exam schedule. I'm bored and lazy. I think I'm done with almost everything. Lemme see... The Socio video is already edited, DBMS project's finished, Eco project and presentation is over, LAN long quiz this Friday but no project, and oh... Data Struct! I need a running Selection Sort program in C. I already asked Alvin for help, it's his forte and he's the best programmer I know though he's not officially a programmer just yet. Pre-reg tomorrow, 2nd to the last Socio meeting, thank God!, sit-in and seeing R.C -> best part of the day. School's almost done, yay!!!



I'm planning to study piano again after being stagnated for like 12 to 13 years. I may not have my own piano but atleast we have keyboards now. It's not the kind that you see on concert but it'd be good enough for practice. There's a lot of song I want to play and it's about time to re-learn what I love doing. It's part of the reinvention and personal makeover that I'm giving myself. I started exercising again last night. No dieting for me but there'll be exercise, definitely and one of these days, a haircut, a li'l makeup, dress change, earrings I'm getting one after habing none in 3 years!), treatments (I'm gonna try spa this summer and maybe derma too). Oh, di ba? I'll think I'll be able to renew myself and come back this June (next schoolyear) feeling and looking new.



That's be it for tonight. Catch you on my next post, if that's even possible. Kisses!

Konti na lang...

I missed my afternoon nap and now I'm so sleepy. I know I should've gone the other way at the back of MAH after class and I could've avoided my classmate. I had no choice but go with her and even spent than I planned to today. I was expecting an hour or two but thinking that we started 2pm and it was almost 5 and we're not yet finished. I ate a few snacks but getting dizzy because I haven't eaten lunch yet. How could I have forgotten something so essential to survival, elusion. It just sucks to be sleepy, this early. I'm not sure if I have things yet to be done. It just darn sucks.



I think I'm a bit paranoid. I have this feeling that something I said was being taken on differently than I intended it to be. I hope I'm wrong 'cause someone will be seriously hurt, and embarrassed and it wouldn't be me.



Oh, my! This week's Computer Organization meeting seems to be the last time this sem that I will see R.C. Our Data Structures class have ended and I hardly see him now on the corridors. Haaay, ano pa nga ba... Leave it to fate!



I love Kim Sam Soon! The story's getting better everyday esp. today's. Awweee! Love it! Wala lang, basta love it!



I still have work tomorrow 'cause I'll be working on our interview transcription/ documentation. I'm planning not to show up in class but that would mean an absent, might as well take it, I just wish it wouldn't take that long so I can get some sleep or maybe I'll sleep first before I do it. Oh, I still have to work on my report tomorrow. This will be the last time I'm gonna do things this way, I hope it will go out fine tomorrow. Oui! I'm gonna see R.J. tomorrow. I hope to talk to him, dunno how but I still wish to talk to him.



I need energy. I need power. Just two more weeks, this week and next week. Konti na lang! Tyaga, tyaga!



I'm having second thought in joining the outing. I want to swim but I want to rest too. I hope they do it on a pool, I prefer pools than the sea. I love the sunset, yeah, but things about the see scares me. Like tiny lurkers on the sand, those jellyfishes that get washed up on the shore, sea slugs... It just creeps me out plus it's dangerous to go night swimming on the sea. Swimming, swimming...

I like you

I've been away for two days and I had a lot to tell.



Thursday. Guess what I did to get the name of that guy with a broken arm... Hehe... I read his ID and if I read it right, his name would be Robert. I hope the way I did it was not too obvious 'cause I took the chance when I saw the other irregular students checking on their grades to take a peek. Robert was all I saw and when I looked at the grading sheet to see his whole name, I found out that his whole name is Robert Joseph. Searching him on the school website's People Search he's from BSE41, which explains why I saw him talking with someone I know who is also coming from the same class. I was trying to catch glances from behind the whole period. He transfered to seat behind me when Matt presented their project using a laptop computer. I would have prefered him to sit beside me and talk to him but seems like it will never happen. I don't know what but there's just something about him that I like. Argh!



Friday. I had the chance but never took it. A classmate asked me to sit at the chair in front of him for the exam and it was one seat away from R.C. but I didn't take it. That classmate of mine is going to copy because he said he didn't review so I chose not to take it and thinking it through. It wouldn't really have taken me closer to R.C. because it's as far asn I already am sitting an aisle away from him. Something good happened though. I was waiting for the paper that Fort asked my former classmate to answer and I saw R.C. along in the corridor, seemingly waiting for someone in one of the classrooms near our DSA classroom. He must be waiting for a friend or a girlfriend but who cares? I loved staring at him from, like, a few feet away. I'm happy with that but the dilemma is this: since out DSA and Economics exams chedule is in conflict, which one should I take? If I choose to take DSA, I will see RC for the last time, hopefully for this sem only and miss seeing R.J. and if I choose Eco... Awww! I don't wanna miss a thing! This will also be the last minor subject I'm gonna take with my former blockmates, and not sure if there's any major subject and R.J. is a graduating student and R.C. will only be a Sophomore next year. I'll leave it to destiny for now, and think about it when the day comes. I hope to talk to them [kahit sandali lang, kahit isang beses lang] before this sem ends. I really, really like them. Di na ko makikipila sa ibang may crush kay R.P. the chinito makausap ko lang sila. Waaah!



There's this someone I know who found my blog through searching and I wanna give her a shout out. Not sure if she's dropping by to read regularly but just letting me know that she found out about my blog makes me happy. Thank you! Thank you! Shout outs to you! You know who you are! I'm not really sure if I should say her name but really, THANK YOU! Comment ka naman jan! Thanks!



I've blocked 2 freaks from sending me messages this week. One was this old man who sounded like he was tryingto find a bride over the net and the other one was a Filipino guy who said, "Musta" that I didn't really know who the hell was. Yeah, I'm bad-mouthing people as a form of defense mechanism. I can't beat 'em up personally so I say bad words. I'd say high to the Pinoy if he was cute but he isn't. He looked like a... I don't wanna insult other people with a word intended for only one person but may describe a whole community. I'm just so disgusted. I was like: "EEEWW!", "ITSURA?!", "K*PAL!", and "POTAH, ASA!". I just see people as slobs when I don't like how they look like. Yeah, I'm discriminate when it comes to looks because I believe you don't really have to have much in life to look good or look human. You don't have to look dirty just because you can't take a bath but there some people who looked like they've never ever taken a bath in their entire life no matter how clean they are with themselves. Remembering that face I saw from Friendster gives me creeps. I'm not saying he's ugly but... I think I'm gonna throw up. Forgive me for my fugliness in attitude but I'd rather have Chaka doll on my Friendster than that creature... Eeeewww!



Something beautiful naman...



Cogie! Cogie! Where are you? If I must say this everday, I will then: I haven't met you but I miss you. They've been hiding him for a long time now. No new pictures in Penshoppe, no tv appearances though there are sightings of him written on papers. I guess this is another thing that have to be left to the stars. Just want him to know that my heart beats for him. Actually, he shares it with BSB and crushmates are on the sides. Hehe... Love you, Cogs!



Debt-paying is almost over! Haaay! Yeah! There is a big chance that I will be joining the class outing. I wanna go night swimming just like last year. Awww! I love taking pictures. I can't wait.



I'm doing good in Freestyle. Haha... I've only played with Jerome and I can't wait to play with the rest of the guys!



Time for Free style!