Answer to my life

It helped watching Jewel in the Palace and Spiderman 2 tonight. Things are being made clear to me now as I write. Some month ago I wrote something about a dream I have with this Marilyn Manson song and evil things all around. The song was entitled Obsequy, the Death of Art. Let me tear it piece by piece: Obsequy refers to a funeral rite of ceremony. All this time I've been trying to cure myself. As much as I've wanted to prove myself I'm immobilized by fear. I'm unconsciously dying because of being helpless against my inner demons. I am freaking work of art but I'm letting this world kill me. How the unconscious mind works is just unbelieveable, I just have to decide now what I will do about it now that I know what's wrong with me. I get locked in chains but I always did my best to break free, I keep still with all the commotion around me and think, but I wasn't aware that I lie awake in my death bed as I do it. Now, what has Jang-Geum and Peter Parker has to do with all these? They always had a choice and they choose what they will make out of life and not let life decide for their lives. I'm letting life control me instead of the other way around. I'm so dumb. The stars says it, and I'm plotting out my future plan, my next line of defense. After the exams next week, that will be my battle plan, think* think*



He called me! Who? An old friend. Nothing special but I'm really glad to hear from him.



Yeehah! Last round of payment and it'll be over but I'm still having a hard time saving. Look at this: almost 400Php spent on two projects only. I have 5 subjects, 2 of which didn't require much spending, one wasn't that expensive but these two projects are way too off the budget. I can't believe how some people can be simpletons and prefer to spend a lot rather than exploit resources, make use of talents, improvise. Alright, they aren't dumb but they're using their very common common sense too much. What could have I had with 400 bucks? Man that was really annoying. I don't think I can let that happen again. I'll try my best 1)not to procrastinate learning, 2)make sure to expand my resources and 3) take charge. I'm not so considerate about telling things about other people in a journal that anyone in the world can read but this is the only place I can shout out my not-so sentimental sentiments. Yeah, I think I'm better than other people on some things and I just can't understand why they have to be so themselves. I wanna tell them to think outside the box, go to outer space, visit your favorite planet, specialize on something aside from being simple. Yabang ko, I know but I just can't take it. No, no, no...



Ayt, now I'm so sleepy. No school tomorrow but a lot of sorting-things-out to do. I'll be figuring out what has to be figured out and get SMUG all the way, Hehe...