Inconsistency

I'm having last-minute inclinations to quit...

Looking for beauty in uncertain

Finding the strength inside the grey

Maybe I'm heading for a breakdown

Could be I'm hanging on for dear life

Maybe I need to get a grip

Tried to make nothing out of something

My resistance started cracking

I'm slowly wearing down

And there's no way out

And I just might...

Hopefully, I'll be fine again when I wake up tomorrow. I have strong tendencies to jeopardize everything I worked hard for, relationships with other people [friendships] when I see fit. When things aren't being healthy for me anymore, when they affect me too much, more than I can tolerate, I make it a point to set them aside or permanently throw them away, out of life. Yeah, so I'm letting other people's inconsistencies, even stupidity, drag me down. I'm so tired of this,  how to lose this? I wish I knew.

Why do I feel like I'm better than most people? 'Cause some of them can be so stupid.

I can never forget how that 5pts gave so much hope that I'll pass that critical subject last sem. I did pass that subject but failed the other, unexpectedly and had newer, stronger reason to resent my puny earthlings of classmates. Failure isn't so hard for me to accept but being lied about the reason why I failed? Unforgivable. It's actually good that I should see a school year without having to see a bunch of pathetic brutes. I wish I could stay longer. Anyway, I'm losing my appetite for some parts of school life again.

~ Gusto ko na naman umiyak. Humihiling sa mga bituin, sa buwan, sa ulap, pati nga mga puno sa La Salle hinihilingan ko na. Sobrang gusto na ulit kitang makita. 'Asan ka na ba? Mga alaala lang ang naiwan mo sa lugar na 'to pero di ko mabitawan yung pag-asang makikita kitang muli. Tae ka kasi! May gusto akong sabihin sa'yo, may gusto akong itanong sa'yo, may gusto ako sa'yo pero nung nandito ka pa, nakakalimutan ko ang mga naiisip ko. Masaya ako pero di ako makapagpahayag. Ni hindi nga kita mabasa. Gusto kong maniwala pero ayoko ring maniwala sa mga "katotohanang" walang kasiguruhan kung totoo nga. Di ako makausad. Lagi na lang kitang hinahanap, madalas pa nga akong sumilip sa dati mong tambayan. Naiisip ko ring kung kasama ka, mas masaya ang mga lakaran. Tae ka kasi! Di ka man lang nagpaalam. Nagbabalik lahat sa isip ko, mula sa simula, simula sa araw nung una tayong nagkita --BMC-- ang sama mo pa ngang makatingin no'n. Hahaha. Tama na ngang baka lang maluha. Kung mapapadaan ka, balita ko kasi bumibisita ka pa dun minsan, magparamdam ka. Kontakin mo ko, mental telepathy tayo. Hehehe, o kaya pag malapit anjan ka sa paligid, makinig kang maigi, tatawagin ko ang puso mo. sagutin mo ah? Hahaha, BADUY!  ~

Oh, yeah! I've got a lot of places to go to [ ^ sama ka ah? ] and I can't wait. Excited na 'ko sa mga susunod kong adventures. Hahaha. Makukuha ko na rin graduation pictures ko next week, siguro week after that, baka magpa-exit interview na rin ako kahit ang idea ng "pag-exit" ay malabo. Di bale, dadating din tayo jan, no matter how long it takes, LOL. Hahahaha. Tuloy na tuloy na ata ang Banda Guapa. Hahaha. Goodluck! My, my... Kids, young as six, are already smoking? Man, kids these days... Or should I say, adults lack guidance for kids these days. Tsk tsk. Good morning, everyone!