Again

My loneliness is killing me.

The signs are misleading. I'm not even sure if they really are signs or I am just mistaking them for some.

Watching him from behind that pashmina covering my face while I pretended to sleep, I was thinking hard if I should let the feeling in. He was looking at her [err, them?] while I was looking at him. Or maybe, hopefully, mali nga lang talaga ako, ang pakiramdam ko, ang iniisip ko at ang pangunawa ko. Ewan.

I lost the fight, I'm hurting again.

I guess it's my fault, giving myself false hopes. And I thought my intuition never, not once failed me. I hardly noticed how fast I fell for my own trap. I fooled myself into thinking that something special was coming my way. Why did I even think it's possible?

Friendships always get in the way. No matter how hard it was wished for, it will never be Levy. Some things may be wrong about me or could be that nothing is wrong about me. I am what is wrong. Just that. I want look at it from any other way but same things seem to happen everytime. Nothing real. Dreaming is all I ever do, aside from waiting.

I don't, believe me, want to change how I am with other people but how can I not when they're the ones making me feel this way. Happiness go past me because they are in the way, they take it before it can even come to me. Didn't I ever deserve it?

It's crazy how I've known you for some time now and so suddenly want you so bad just now. I could be, at times, impulsive and even my feelings are being felt on impulse ot at least that's how it feels. I mean, I have liked you ever since but it's only now that you're running inside my head in circles that I think, you make me think I'm actually falling for you. Your actions give me false signs that there can be a chance that I my feelings will be reciprocated, that if I have really fallen in love, you will love me back. I know, I have no right, neither am I in any place to get jealous of anyone or anything but, well, yeah, I am.

I loved stealing glances, I loved watching you sleep, I loved looking you in the eye while talking to me, I love the way you laugh, I love your big, brown eyes, I love imagining that day when I can hug you from behind, I love dreaming about your strong arms wrapped around me, I loved wishing that you'll lean your head on my shoulder because you're sleepy... I can go on with daydreams but that's right, daydreams are all they are. This hurts so bad but feels so good, and I'm not even talking about the person from my last posts. Forgive my feelings for being unstable.

Believe it or not, I enjoy being with you [and our other friends these past few days, can't wait for the our next trip] Hope to see you again soon. I miss you.

FOTCHA. 'Yung Induction climb ko na nga lang pag-usapan natin, hahaha. Catch ya'll when I wake up.

Good morning!!!