Maybe, by some chance

And still the journey continues on quiet days as well
The moon in its new cycle shines on the boats again

Maybe, I've found myself a new object of my affection. Not really new since I've written about him already some time last December. The midnight mass, the walk and the talk, my "weird" imaginings, the cheeseburger breakfast [and it's long before that McDo cheeseburger chant became an outbreak]. I've like this one ever since though something in the stars kept telling me that it won't work out between the two of us. I've always been content with just being close friends with the ones I like, same goes with him. It's always a happy day with him. No worries, no expectation, just pure happiness between friends. He's one of the things that made my day today. I sat beside him on a trip home today. We talked a little then a moment of silence. It was nothing awkward really. It was nice even just to sit there silent beside him. Then came the time to say goodbye, I bid him take care and goodbye for the moment since I'll still be seeing him around and be seeing more of him esp. next semester for reasons I cannot tell 'cause that would've reveal his identity. Hahahaha.

I talk to friends about some stuffs about my personal life, ask questions, seek advice but don't really listen to those. I usually ask them for the sake of having asked some advice. But this time, I think it would give me some peace to listen once in a while. I would feel that pain, hear something breaking from inside me once in a while but it works. A good friend told me that "if they don't think they deserve you, chances are, you don't deserve them either". Well, I listened not only because he's my good friend, not because I thought I should listen to people once in a while but because I know he's right. It took me sometime to realize that I never really had a chance, that I was just blinded by my admiration, I was drifting off again to my own world where stories went in ways like that in fairytales, in myths, in books, and in movies, I was giving in again to that dreaminess, that strong want to be loved.

Well, anyway, it's over and done with. And come to think of it, I've suffered more painful things than I recently had like having that one you like most leave without saying goodbye, like my Kawaii Boy, have someone tell use the word "friendship" to say why you can't be together like "Ah Si" or see someone fall in-love with one after other without ever seeing you when you're the one at their side all those time like "Si-Em-Si" and "Fill-in-the-Blank". Anyway, just so you know, I'm not being bitter or anything. Just wanted to emphasize on the gravities of pains I've had in the past. And besides, I still have my Shiawase-niichan.Oh, and my friends too.  Hehehehe. He can never be mine but we'll always be together and we're part of each other's lives now. His exact words: "Hindi na tayo magkakahiwalay. Parte na tayo ng buhay ng isa't isa *sabay kamay at beso*..." Isn't that one big reason to be happy?

I guess this will be the last time I'll be talking about "that" guy [I can't really think of an alias to give him, he's too... Dunno, hard a give name to? Hahahaha] unless the heavens should bring down something upon me to change my mind. Buh-bye to you! But nothing's really changed, you're still one of my good friends. See you around!

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Yay! Been spending the day with Marius today esp. when my class had been cut short because most of the class didn't come today. The professor said maybe their relaxing for today since we had our exam yesterday. I was like, what the heck? I woke up early just for this. Man, the guts of those kids. They come to class everyday just chatting, making noises, sometime they would even eat during class [worse was they were even peeling mangos one time, yes, they brought a bag of mangos], others are just playing with their gadgets, and others stuffs unbecoming of a student. I mean, I'm not being self-righteous, but see, though I know I'm not good at that subject, I still try my best to listen and give the respect due to the teacher. I do ask for some answers from some of my classmates during seatworks and quizzes but other than that, I try the best I could not to show disrespect. I, we all, came there to study [well, not exactly, I mean I just want to pass the subject since it's my third time to take Physics. Wehehe] not for anything else that these kids are doing. Imagine, there were just three of us today, the teacher not included. The teacher was too kind to treat this calmly, I would have been outraged if I were him. Oh, but looky, I'm not him so who cares. I was just telling you what happened today. Hehehehe.

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I so suddenlt thought of something again. Have had sudden change in my trail of thoughts today about some plans for next month [Part of it is the "Where to be: Talamitam or Daguldol? Wel, I've seen Noel Cabangon in person, this time I want to see Joey Ayala, so I want to go to that event in Talamitam]. Not really sure. I'm having second thoughts, I feel like having other plans other than those that have already been lain out. It has nothing to do with my other thoughts and feeling, I just feel like bringing about some change over somethings, out on impulse again, you know me. Hehe. I'm also planning to layout plans for my last semester, for my last year in college. We all have to grow up and before that time of moving on, moving out intothe bigger world, we should make the most out of what we have and where we are now. I have nothing concrete yet but I will tell the world about it once I've started. Hehehe, time for a cool change, ika nga.

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I am really loving Marius. I loved the other vampires too, like Lestat, I even adopted his name. It's how I came to be Lieve LeStat Levesque. I love vampires, I used to be one of them. Hahahaha. Which reminds me, maybe  should bring Lieve back. She's been put to sleep to long, I am Reigusu now. Reigusu and Lieve are a lot different from each other. I love them both, they're both part of my true self but can't have them both here at the same time. I hope I don't sound nuts to you talking about alteregos, the other personas. Wala lang. Nami-miss ko lang and at the same time, nagsasawa na ako sa sarili ko. Kailangan ng cool change. Hahahaha.

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Ayos sa pagka-alright ang Horoscope ko sa friendster ngayon. Sapul, tamang-tama, bukol : Focus surely has its place, but that place ain't nowhere in your life today! Prepare for your mind to wander right now, because wander it will! This is a wonderful time for exploration, when your brain will be coming up with all sorts of outlandish and nutty schemes that will probably never see the light of day -- but that doesn't really matter, does it? Just have fun creating things -- songs, poems, cocktail recipes, funny faces, rhymes, you name it. Ayos talaga. Wala lang.

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Somehow, I miss my BCS friends. I want to bring them out on a day hike for a reunion. Hahahaha. Just imagine their faces. I've known them as swimmers, mall people, barhoppers but never as outdoorsmen. Hahaha. Just imagine their faces, if we ever go on a hike. They're sweaty and tired, definitely whining. Hahahaha. Wala lang. I just miss them And I will take them nature tripping one time. Hahahaha. Yun lang.

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Unlike some few days ago my head seem a lot lighter. Not that it has nothing in it but those heavy things that's been bringing me down seem to have floated in midair. They're still there but I can feel none of their presence. It's good actually. I still haven't got that inspiration, motivation I need to get working on the things I am good at but I feel better, way better than I've had the past weeks. Unlike those days, I don't feel the need to go out and explore the world. I just feel like staying where I am. Just that.

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Okay, guess what? Wala na akong maisip. I've written all I could think of at this moment and well, time to return to Marius. Hahahaha.

Far away, I'm breathing, as if I were transparent
It would seem I was in the dark, but I was only blindfolded