Two Decades, One year and a Day Later...

For the first time I felt bad about bullying only-we-know-who. No, I didn't bully him the way you think. It's not like I bully him everyday. I just happened to have offended him intentionally, bigtime, one time. It's not being plastic, I just don't want to make him feel worse that he already feels. Yes, he's cocky but I know he has feelings too and I know I I've hurted him. He looked so tamed when I last saw him this afternoon when we left school, he even greeted me and I waved back. He disappeared all of a sudden. It's so childish especially that he's a few years younger but, hey, I'm 21 but I'm still human. It's a usual human [ningen!] thing to feel such emotions. It's so selfish to have so much fun while knowing someone feels rejected and unwelcomed, moping in one isolated corner of the earth but it's not something I am willing to undo, and it can't be undone. I just hope I could be nicer to him after today.

Today's been exhausting but it's fun and happy. Having to go back and forth to fetch some people and see the others off, attend to my guests, which is, by the way, split into half [one group outside, another inside. Our house is just too small to accommodate everybody]. Not everyone that I invited came, so I'm taking back what I said about the "ditchers dying". It's not like they did it intentionally, right? *glares* Hehe.. Like Greg, he couldn't come because he's "nahigad" [Do you know how to say nahigad in English? 'Cause I don't. Hehehe...], the other's already had commitments before I could inform them so naturally, they can't go, and the others... I don't know why they can't come but it's okay. Things happen and I won't take it against them. But they missed a lot of fun. We were making fun of only-we-know-who inside the jeep on our way to the house, and he literally made some noise. Hehe.. The uber-entangled Genshiken family tree, how's who related to who, what roles each of us played, blah-blah, et cetera, et cetera... laugh trip as usual, the others were busy with the pc, the other, I dunno.. Hehehe... It was nice of Nico to bring his camera or we would have to settle for my phone [and Kudos to our mischief of the day! Hehe.. Kissu! ^_^.v.]. Yay! I also had a little reunion with my former bandmates, Veiled in Shadows. They were the last ones to arrive and the last ones to leave. We had a fun chat and my brother was with us too. But Kong [our bassist and Vanness Wu's long lost identical twin brother] didn't make it, though we got to talk to him on the phone. Probably we'll be jamming again if have free times and can get together. Sayang lang 'cause our precious keyboardist/rhythm guitarist Bryan is out of the country. I haven't seem them for more than 2 years but it's like nothing's changed. Haha. They're still the happy people that I've known them to be. Let's not get into the details, ok? It's 4am and I am very tired. To sum it all up, it was FUN and memorable. I've had enough memories to last me a lifetime. I'm so happy knowing I can go in peace, go to sleep, ningen! Hahaha! Oh, but, I have to go to take a bath first. Woooh!

Netamashii. That's what I'm starting to feel. Omoi.. Suki.. Kizutsuku.. Motomeru nakiwameku.. Whatever. All I want to say is.. My heart is starting to hurt. I'm trying my best to fight the feeling because losing could mean getting hurt. If I could only read to the world what's written in my heart. Darn. Even my eyes are unsure if it wants to cry. I hope my heart is not betraying me. I want to trust what fate is trying to show me but from what I see, it's showing me something whose possibilities are only about 50% or lower. Or something like that. The moon has changed its phase again. How unstable, like my state of mind. This is illogical. Haha.. It has nothing to do with logic. It is how a Moon Child is being guided by the heavens to unveil her destined fate. Blah-blah!

Enough. Not making any sense anymore. It's already 5am, and I'm still up and alive. I took in too much caffeine. That's why I don't really drink too much softdrinks after 6pm. It keeps me up till dawn just like today. Haha. I bet I'll be sleeping, slumbering, dozing off  for the next 10 or more hours. I hope to see you in my dream this morning. Hehe..

I'll be posting the pictures from last night as soon as I get hold of them and the videos, maybe, later. It has been a really good night having spent a special day with closest friends, old and new. I remember two years ago, when I last had a birthday party. There were only a few of us, me and some of my BCS friends. This year, it's jam-packed. Maybe I can bring home more new friends in the near future but the future just can't help but be so unsure [Tama ba grammar?]. Bahala na kung sa'n ako dalhin ng buhay!

Now I really have to go... And take a bath before I finally go to sleep. Good morning, everyone!

Belated happy birthday to me!