Losing now

I am more invisible today than I have ever been.

The silence speak for itself. Must be, maybe, I'm just paranoid. But things are better off this way. It's my fault anyway. I should try looking at it from another's point of view. But then again, pretending that something never existed won't kill it. It would only kill you the more you avoid it. It's there, I hid it, I set it aside but it's still there. Can't have them passing me judgement, I'll make the move, myself. I actually think, it's time to go. Should I say goodbye for now?

Is it a sin wanting to take back what would have been yours if you only had enough courage to take it for yourself when it was still free [for anyone] for the taking? Do we always get second chances? Can things you did be reverted? Can things you never did be undone? It's sickening how you have to go through the same thing over and over again at differents point in time but the story's all the same.

I'm hurting inside, dying within. You are killing me. I had all the pain I could endure, I can't pretend anymore. I don't know how I can face you now. I've had it with having to fake a smile. I've had it with feigning happiness for both of you, I've had it with losing what I love, giving way to someone else. I hate how I was so scared to lose you but was so much of a coward to take you in.

Ewan. I don't know what to think anymore. What to think of myself, what to think of what's happening, what to think of the people around. Baka gutom lang 'to? Ewan. Ewan. Ewan.

One thing I know, I want you so.