...........

This is pretty heart-breaking! My drive A just won't read my diskettes. I'm worried not about the disk drive but my files. I kept most of them for so many years, they're hard to find now ans I might lose them permanently. I tried cleaning the drive but still won't read.



Tinamad ako so I didn't go out today but I'll be on it tomorrow. Now, tinatamad na akong mag-blog. See, I'm writing in Filipino. Gutom na ko. Next time na lang ulit.



~*~*~*~



And after five minutes, I changed my mind. I found something that confirmed my hunch and gave me more hope. Cogie uses YM, and... Aaahhhh!









Aasa na naman ako! I hope he gets to read this, baka maisip nyang mag-iwan ng message. Konti na lang talaga! Kung alam nya lang na siksik, liglig, at umaapaw ang saya ko ngayon. Haaay... Papansinin nya nga ako?! Di bale, mag-iintay pa rin ako. Too much ba yung umasa na kahit sa YM lang makausap ko sya? Or kahit sa phone? Or heaven na kung personal... Haaay... Iniisip na naman kita, eh, di mo naman ako kilala? Ang lapit mo na, sobrang layo mo pa rin? Kelangan kong kumilos pero sa'n ako magsisimula? Kumokorny na ko pero okay lang dahil yan ang totoo... Gusto kong sumigaw.



"Coooooooogieeeeeeeeeee! Reeeeeeedmooooooond!"



Alam ko... para talaga akong tanga!

Meltdown

I don't have, in no way, any intentions to be mean but I just wish people would try to grow up. I have my own share of foolishness but I know when to put them aside and when to raise them. Excuse me for being so self-righteous but if I could just tell them to RISE ABOVE THE PETTINESS. I read that in today's Friendster Horoscope and it only hit me when I read something somewhere from someone and found it really annoying. I don't know them personally and I don't wanna put them to shame but their behavior is way unacceptable. Let's put it this way, they should try to act their age [whatever age they maybe] and in their case, watch their manner of speaking [the very fact that you already know how to face people, speak with them, you can share your thoughts but be tactful], and knowing that what they're saying is not so nice, they should've known not to speak at all. How pathetic, they think they're being cute. EW!



I really miss Cogie. Oh, my, here I go again. I just wanna see him do his stuff on television and the movies again. I have lots of pictures and stuff [including a mug I bought from Penshoppe with him on it], but as much as I wanna see him, I don't wanna look at them. They just make me long for him all the more. By heart, I've been with him through everything they throw at him, watching his career progress, and I know what he's got and I just can't get enough but sadly he's not being given enough opportunities to pick up where he left off. I think I know how hard that could be but all I can do is wait and dream; look out to that distant star without even a guarantee that I too can get my chance to go to where he is/was and reach him. Ang daming balakid, speaking of which...



Guess who checked my Friendster profiles the other day... The controversial elder sister Marissa Scott. I remember checking her profile a few months back but I was surprised to see her check my profile too. I think I know what she's thinking. Haha! I'm just being evil.



Dunno what but I know something good is happening to Bev's life today. I read she already moved from Guam to Vegas with her boyfriend but not sure yet since I haven't talked to her yet. She seems too busy to reply to her messages in YM but all the same I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy, I just hope she knows and never forgets. I wasn't always there for her, but I'm always her friend. Be assured, girl! I hope she gets to read this. I just wish her the best of luck, life and love, all the happiness in the world, blessings from the good Lord and... Miss you, Bev! Haha... Though I do hide from her when she was still here... Sorry Bev! Hehe... Peace!



I went to fetch my grade report today. I didn't flunk a thing. The results were highly satisfying and I bet Summer will be all good. I think it's my first time in two weeks to actually go out of the house. I did not sleep well last night and when I got home, I was freaking tired and slept all afternoon. Next week, my sleeping pattern will have to change yet again. I'm going back to school, yay! And I'm looking forward to meeting new people like my first three summers. This actually will be my last in college since next summer, I will have to work as intern as a requirement in finishing the course. Heck! I have to make the most of it and I'm starting off with...



Watching Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Haha! I'm going to see it tomorrow. I'll just have to first get done with my enlistment then off to the cinema, I go. I can't wait! Then next week, I'm going to see Moments of Love and the following weeks will be dedicated to whatever plans I have for this season. Haha...



I have dreams and plans and I know so well that I can never make them real by just sitting here, waiting and dreaming. So when do I start moving? I'm actually taking my time. I'm on my pupal stage, I'm still a caterpillar and I've only started spinning my cocoon and I'm not sure when but I will be out, free, cut-loose, unleashed. The time will come that I'll be rocking the world in my own little way. Just you wait and see...



I'm simply owning and unstoppable!

gimme some skin!

I did something I should never have done last night. The price: I've been rolling like an armadillo trying to sleep. I should've done something productive instead of trying to get sleep. Now I'm reminded of something that I should never have forgotten: Never drink anything with caffeine from 6pm onwards if I don't wanna stay up till morning. I have no problem with coffee since I don't drink coffee, it's just carbonated drinks that I can't get enough of. A little dose can keep me up till 7am of the next day. I just hope I get a decent sleep tonight 'cause I have to go to school to get my grades tomorrow morning. No more softdrinks tonight, or maybe just a little since I chilled a bottle of Pepsi for tonight. Hehe... Sleeplessness is all in the mind... I think! Haha! And I think I already look like a raccoon because of my eyebags.



I recall from a few weeks back, having played with one of black kittens [actually it's more of dark brown]. It was purring outside my window, perhaps calling out to its mother, so I went out to get it and play with it. I got one of my shoe boxes and put it in. Whenever I lifted the box up, the kitten would tremble terribly. Now I know what "scaredy cat" means. I never expected something to shake that hard. I thought only humans can get that scared. I remembered the time i went to GMA for auditions. I shook like that little kitten. I was cold in and out [because their aircon fanned freezing cold]. That was the first time in my life that I ever got so shaking scared. I wanna be braver this time. No more shaking when I try it one more time. And how exactly am I going to do that? I have no idea.



Isn't it about time somebody save my life? Just wondering. Been trying to be a hero to some of the people who thinks they need me but I don't get the support back. Not totally but I get only a little of the lot that I need. My mind set has always been: if nobody's going to be giving it to me, I'll be getting it for my self, but I'm becoming too weak to do things for myself. But, hey, don't take what you read literally. Don't be dumb! Haha!



I know now what's not-so ineteresting about my blog: it's mostly ranting and who would actually want to come back to read me rant? I don't make sense. Not that I don't really make sense but not the sense that society-conscious, facts, observant, analytical, and earth-friendly sense of sense plus the fact I'm not even a celebrity. If I was famous... Ah! Nevermind 'cause I'm simply not. But I'm not losing hope that I make it someday.



About the layout, I'll be working on something new. This time, I'm asking Boris for help. Hi, Boris! I'll meet you na lang in May for the software I promised. I will text you, I promise! I'm just too lazy to buy load and much more lazier to get my fingers to text. I prefer typing on the keyboard. Hehe...



I told Bev I'm getting a makeover. Not total, just planning to have my hair dyed. I'm doing it before May, and hopefully, I can find ways to lose weight so I can look better when I visit my friends in Lucena for the fiesta. I wish to get my other clothes to fit me again. Awww... And I hope I can bring a friend with me. But it will have to take time to convince him to come, we'll see but I will have to do it stealthily. He will be coming with me without him knowing it. Haha, kidnap na 'to!



Been camwhoring the other night, and I love the results. I just need a real digicam with a good resolution. Awww... Plus, I need new makeup sets. I want more color 'cause those I have need more coats before you can see results. And I also need a bluetooth for the PC, a scanner, and a printer so I can show the world my creations. I'm getting 3 of my films developed this summer and hopefully I can get the pictures scanned, printed and uploaded. And I do have artworks I want to share in Deviantart.com. but until then...



I'm expecting to have passed all 5 subjects I took this sem or if not, I will have no choice but to take it again but this time with my blockmates and less vacant time for me the following sems.



I still have to years to prove myself. I don't wanna be doing something just for the fun of it. I wanna be do something because I'm good at it and I wanna prove myself and something at that field. I hope they'd understand. If I get to do what I had to to prove myself, I will come back but if they just won't let me then i'll call it quits...



Pray for me, show me love, and give me some skin!

Summah Rantin'

Past summers never got this exhausting. There was never a day that my head didn't hurt. The heat is getting in to my head. We never had aircon, but I wish we have one. And my fan just won't fan harder. The switch just won't turn, I broke it some time last year, and worse I lost it. Now, I have to deal with "1"... I need a three or four to cool my head.



I missed the tropa's outing, now I'm dying to go out and have a get-away, somewhere. Actually, anywhere we'll do as long as it's not inside the house. Some place cool, and adventurous. Man, I wanna go swimming, I wanna go to a zoo, or just stroll. My friends still aren't nagpaparamdam. It isn't always fun talking to my self. I'm running out of activities on the computer, missing the food I used to eat, esp. that street steamed dumpling [or simply siomai for noobs], I use to buy. They don't have it anywhere near here inside the subdivision and I won't be out of the house until the 30th, since only then will I go to school to get my grades.



Can't wait to get back to school. I'm definitely going to watch those two movies I like next week. I love staying at home but I do get bored too and there isn't a lot of places I can go to, simply because I don't know how to get to the places that I wanna go to. Nice, eh? From next week to the end of this sem, I promise never to miss a movie that I'd love to see. Mark my blog!



Maso-stroke yata ako!

tis the season

Since it's Lent, a reflection is just in season (though it doesn't really have to be Lent for us to reflect on our lives). I'm not religious so this won't be something biblical. There's been random thoughts running through my head these past few weeks [including how my friends are di mahagilap these days, hardly anyone's online, and how in a week's time I'll be back in school to take my Summer classes, and hopefully my piano lessons].



Remember how Harry Potter told the sorting hat not to put him in Slytherin, and how he doubted his being in Gryffindor? I was thinking... I am where I belong now. I could've stayed but I made my choice. The Hat said that Slytherin can help his on your way to greatness, the same way that I would've done better if I chose either Philosophy or Psychology over Computer Science. I passed the entrance exam for those two but not CS's but still I had them reconsider my entry and they let me in. I had 4 semesters before I realized I'm done with it and I belong somewhere else. But if I never went in, I would've never met these wonderful people I have as friends. Yeah, maybe I would still have met them but it will never be the same as how we are now. We all are as close as sibs. And the lesson is: We always have a choice, we are our own drivers, steer our own wheels. Like right now, if I don't get over my fear, I will be doomed to stagnation.



Currently watching news, there was this old man who jumped off a bridge and drowned himself in Pasig River. People tried to revive him but he succeeded with his suicide. I can't imagine how people could carelessly throw their lives away. You know where suicides go? Straight to... Straight down! Please pray for him.



Where is Cogie? Where is Cogie. I have no idea. It's Dawn's birthday today and if she's throwing a party, it is not impossible that Cogie will be there. Happy birthday, Dawn Marie Jimenez Balagot! By the way, I don't know her personally but since he's Cogie's friend, I pretend to know her. Just play along...



Peeee-yuuuuuuh-nooooow! Yay! I just printed a piano sheet for Out of my League by Stephen Speaks. I will be studying it tonight. Awww... Goodluck sa'kin!



A friend may be thinking I'm mad at him but not really. I'm not answering his calls because I just don't feel like talking to him. I'm not replying to his messages because I don't feel like texting, and that goes out to everyone: I'm too lazy to text or even load my phone. I hope there is a chance that he'll get to read this. Sorry, pare!

Best advices ever

It just felt right to share. It was a blessing that Yahoo had this 'Answer' thingy and I've got the best responses I can get from people I do not know. They cared. I felt their sincerity in wanting to help and it would just be well-deserved that the world read of their wisdom:

The question is: How do I fight the feeling of inferiority and stage fright?

* When you get on stage, place your hands behind you & clench your fists as tight as possible; then release.
Do the same with your legs; tighten the leg muscles; hold for 10 seconds, then release. This will dissipate your tension. ~ Arigolony


* I suffered from the same thing so I know what you're talking about. I couldn't speak when I was in a room with 4 or more people in it. Actually I couldn't even think. I went to a specialist and when he told me what he told me, I thought he was crazy. He told me to take off my belt and buckle it tight around my chest underneath my shirt. Weird but for some reason it worked great. Something about making you realize you're in control or something. Soon I switched from a belt to a string, and now all I have to do is try to feel my chest. You owe it to yourself to at least try it. ~ Hickhouse


* Practice feeling confident by yourself first. Deliver your lines or perform your act by yourself and remember the feeling of confidence you have when you don't have an audience. When you actually get on stage or perform in front of people, take a few seconds to recall that feeling. If it helps to imagine that the audience are all stones or you feel the need to block out the audience, do it. However, when you feel okay already, you can look for a friendly or receptive face in the audience and perform for that person. In time, you will learn how to perform in front of a crowd without turning into a tub of jelly. Good luck! ~ Trillian


* been there, done that i know how you feel and i had to sing with my friends in a play and i was scared to death at the auditions but i made it to the play honey choreography is not for me i suck at dancing. just don't think about and have a positive attitude or just pray that's your best bet. don't look out in the audience look at something or someone that you feel comfortable with and it will go away. everyone has to do this sometimes i sing for fun but not in front of my friends don't quit your band that just your pride getting in the way. ~ ladybug18ju


* look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself everything you DO like about yourself and pride yourself on those. then ask yourself why you don't like the other things about yourself. if need be, try to change it, but never change who you really are.maybe you don't like your hair, cut it then how you would like it. . . and baout stage fright?! i think you just gotta know that you're good and realize, that it's really all in your head, no one is going to be making fun of yo or anything like that, they came to listen to the band, not to stare and point at you. i'm sure the more you got on stage, the better it'll get. try prcticing with your band(if you join back up again) and invite a small group of people to come listen, baby steps. ~ angel_to_ashes


* I always imagine the audience is full of my friends, all of whom couldn't care less if I do well or screw up or whatever. They're just here to see me do my thing. ~ Neodiogenes


* do the thing you worry about, but DO NOT QUIT doing it! ~ elvisburlan


* You will never get over it, but you will learn to cope with it. Accept you are going to feel like dying; we all do, but time is good at letting us know that the feeling passes once you are really into what you are performing with your entire body. I know great singers who suffer this as well, and the trembling will pass if you keep getting out there. Good Luck, and don't give up! ~ Zrana



Thank you all for taking time to answer my question. I'm not closing the question just yet, I know there are still people who wants to share and help. Thank you very much!

Don't dream it's over

It hurts when something hits you hard on the head but that's when you realize that something hit you and you'll never know what it is until you check it and see who threw it. Does that make sense? I'm not sure.



I've been thinking... thinking... and thinking still...



Anyway, I tried Yahoo Answers. I asked a question, whose answer I've been dying to know. And thank God! I got satisfying answers. By the way, thanks to Son of the Prodigal for the idea. Oh, I chose only the best answers.



As you see, I've started a few paragraphs and another on this line when I decided, I don't feel like blogging. This is the time of the year when my brain starts hibernating and you just don't feel like wanting to think, until it's school time and everything resumes back to it's normal phase. So until then, I will not be obliged to organize my thoughts. Sheeesh! I remember my Constitution class last Summer, my professor asked me to organize my thoughts before I answer. Hehe... Nevermind.



It's late and I'm not sleepy yet so I'll try other things to get busy with until sleep comes.



Till my next post...