pahirap sa buhay

deadline sa thursday 
sakit ng mata
piga na utak
pero walang makatulong 
at walang nangyayari sa buhay 



GOODLUCK SA 'KIN.

Phantom in the Rain

singing in the rain [uh, storm?]. no video though. enjoy.

Lied der Ewige Sorge

†
Ewige Sorge
2003 - 2007

i have lost all sense of direction
i am lost within my restless self
i'm in doubt of my own existence
i know not where i am going
i know not how far i have gone
my head and heart in collision
i've drowned in eternal sorrow
blinded by eternal darkness
imprisoned in eternity
empty, lonely, hallowed and alone
accompanied only by myself
my shadow, my soul

~i made this. the song, the lyrics. steal and you die. ahlavyall!!!

ganyan ang takbo ng buhay, sumabay.

May mga bagay na karaniwan nating ginagawang biro dahil may kababawan at kalokohan ito hanggang sa dumating ang isang pagkakataong malalaman na natin na totoo pala ito.

Gaya na lamang noong isang araw, napatunayan ko na ang ipis 'pag namamatay ay iniipis din. Loko. Seryoso. Ilang gabi na ang nakakaraan nang may aksidente o di kaya nama'y sinasadyang nakapatay ng ipis sa sahig ng aming palikuran. Napansin kong may ilang ipis ang nagpi-piyesta na sa labi ng kapwa nila ipis. Kanibal ang mga walang'ya. Hahahaha.

Hihirit lang ako ng isa: Tangina talagang edukasyon meron sa earth. Consumeristic, komersyalisado at nakawait na sa kuko ng kapitalismo. Pa'no ba naman, andiyang siningil kami sa tuition fee ng P2K para sa librong hindi rin naman masyadong nagamit. At masyado nga naman daw kasing BASIC ang nilalaman. Eh bakit pa iyon pinabili? Mas maganda naman pala ang maituturo nang walang libro at mas marami namang alam yung propesor kaysa sa  inihaing kaalaman ng putanginang libro. At dinadala ko pa yun kapag araw ng klase ko sa subject na 'yun para lang may pabigat sa bag ko. Tangina talaga. At siningil din kami ng karagdagang Exam fee na P1700 para sa asignaturang kaakibat ng librong iyon. Certification daw. Sinama rin ito sa grading system. Magagamit daw ito sa magiging propesyon. At mase-strenghten daw nito ang ties ng pamantasan sa kumpanya na may-ari ng patent, copyright o kung anumang dapat na termino sa pagmamay-ari ng kung anumang ka-churva-hang 'yun. Sana di na lang ginawang compulsary. Sana di na lang sinabing 'yung "bond" thing. Baka di pa nadagdagan ang inis ko. Fotah.

May liwanag ang buhay or at least 'yung kwarto ko meron na ulit. Hahaha. No more dinner by candlelight. Makakapag-drawing na ako ulit. Makakapag-picture-picture ng glam-vanity. Hahahaha. Magagawa ko nang muli ang maiitim kong experimento sa lihim kong laboratoryo.

Kahit gaano ka kasaya sa mga bagay-bagay na nangyayari sa paligid mo, kahit gaano ka-happy ang happy thoughts, di mapigilang tumambad ang masakit na katotohanan. Minsan may gamitan, may mga nanguuto, nagpapauto, utuan sessions, bolahan ever, kung anu-ano pang cheverlu na nagbabahid ng malisya sa isang inosenteng pagkakaibigan. Labo ba? Di ko lang maiwasang mag-isip. May mga nangyayari na naman makabasag-pantasya. Nakakairita. Siguro, dahil tayo ang gumagawa ng ating mga panstasya, tayo rin ang bumabasag dito. Tayo kasi ang nakaka-realize ng mga motibo, ng mga pakahulugan sa ikinikilos ng mga nakakasalamuha natin. Ayokong mag-isip ng masama pero, siguro, bahagi na ng pagkatao ko na mangusisa sa kapaligiran. Naniniwala akong iyan ang dahilan kung bakit 20/20 ang vision ko, kung bakit mistulang bionic ears ang meron ako, kung bakit may katalasan ang memorya ko lalo na sa mga pangyayari at sa pakiramdam na idinulot nito, kung bakit mejo matalas din ang panlasa at pangamoy at pati na rin ang 6th, 7th and nth sense ko. Kaya rin siguro nabigyan ako ng kakayahan sa pagsusulat para maitala ko ang mga bagay na ito. Sosyal.

Di na talaga siguro mauubos ang mga nilalang na "suckers" ng "beautiful people". May isa kasing pangyayari na kung nagkataon ay naging mitsa ng buhay ko. Fotah talaga. Hindi mo siguro ako masisi kung "ayoko ng pinaghihintay ako" dahil karaniwan kung hindi madalas, ako ay "pinagiintay, pinapaasa, naiiwan at iniiwanan", sa literal at figuratibong konteksto ng mga salitang yan. Siguro kung "ibang tao" ako, iba rin ang ginawa mo. Kupal ka talaga pero dahil kaibigan kita, mahal pa rin kita. Pero tangina ka, gaganti ako sa'yo. Gago. Hahaha. Goodluck sa'yo.

Mina-marathon ko ngayon ang album ni Sir Noel na Himig Nating Pag-Ibig. Ganda ever. Ahlavet. Yes, ang tagal kong hindi nasabi yang salitang yan.

Kaya ng autistic. May kailangan akong gawin nang mag-isa. Ang hirap ng walang hinahawakan, ng walang sinasandalan. Buti na lang anjan ang Tide with scrubber. Hahahaha. Seriously, may project nga ako ngayon. Loner mode. Ang sarap na mahirap ang irreg. Last sem ko na pero ang hirap makatawid sa kabilang kalye at mabuksan ang malaking pinto patungo sa mas malaking mundo. May mga tao mang handang tumulong ay wala rin masyadong maitutulong dahil di naman nila forte at hindi naman nila napag-aralan ang mga inaaral ko ngayon. Malas lang. Pero salamat pa rin dahil andyan kayo. Wala. Andyan lang kayo at nandito naman ako. Hahahaha. LOL.

Kahit paano panandaliangmakakabalik na ako sa band scene. Aawit ako para sa grupo ng kapatid ko na talagang idol ako. Bwahaha. Kamown. Dapat lang. Kung matutuloy, ibig sabihin walang araw ng akyat na matatamaan, iimbitahan ko kayo para mapanood nyo ako. Oye.

Gusto ko pang mag-blog-talak-talak pero kailangan nang umalis. Maya na lang ulit. Manginginain kami kila Issah. Post-birthday celebration.

O, kay husay. Babay

Two-point view

The world through my eyes and the real world

Alipato na 'to? Hahahaha. Nahihilig ako sa "mirrors". Baka nga i-adopt ko na ang style na ito as a trademark? We'll see. Kamown.

An art I did for an event promotion for DLSU-DMS.

PS: Comment naman jan, peopz! Salamat. XP

Students' Week 2008

praning praning praning

may naiisip na naman ako tungkol sa mga tao sa paligid ko.
mayroong nangyayaring 'di maganda pag ganito ang pakiramdam ko.
sana mali ako;
sana nga praning lang ako kung hindi ay kailangan ko na namang magtago mula sa mundo.
sana naiisip ko lang ang naiisip kong iniisip nila.
sana praning lang ako kaya iba ang pakahulugan ko sa mga inaasal nila.
sana nga...

The Ternate Sanitary Landfill: A call for action

a proposed landfill threatens mts palay palay/ mataas na gulod national park (better known to us mountaineers as Pico De Loro).. please read and please spread the word.. we really really need every help we can get with regards to this issue. -- Gerard "dok" Natividad


By Gerard S. Natividad

It was during the first months of the year 2006 when vigilant Cavite-based environmental groups, Non-Government Organizations (NGOs), People’s Organizations (POs), religious, academic institutions, and others first heard of a startling project that caused a once peaceful and silent upland municipality to engage into a heightened level of awareness and to unite in action opposing a multi-million peso project in their area.

A proposal for a sanitary landfill that would cater for the province’s so-called waste management problem was submitted to the office of the Provincial Governor by its proponent, Environsave, Inc. An estimated 8 hectare piece of land just at the footsteps of a National Park would serve as cradle for wastes generated by a whole province. As if inadvertent, the proposed site is located within the area of the quarrying company- Cavite Ideal (better known as Cavdeal), who happens to be the same people behind the landfill project. These series of events eventually led to the formation of a community-based, people’s organization called Ternateños Against Landfill Association (TALA) comprising of representatives from various sectors in Ternate, Cavite. A concrete example of a classic community organizing principle wherein environmental groups, NGO’s and the like, coming from outside the community facilitated the basic information with regards the issue and “which correspondingly stimulate local initiative and leadership as the primary instrument of change.” (Polson, In The Lasallian Way towards social transformation (p.100) Lasallian Community Development Center)

This truly is an effective strategy of participatory, people-centered and area-based initiatives to address the landfill issue. With the collaborative efforts being done by different concerned sectors, manual and technical support systems to address the landfill issue has greatly materialized. Ranging from dialogues with the Local Government Units, consultative meetings and presentations with both the proponent and stakeholders, data gathering and inquiries with legal counsels and technical experts, ground-working and paper-trailing the different documents   concerning the project, and also, there had been 4 major rallies and mobilizations which reflects advocacy leading to action through a peaceful yet active non-violent display of deep community concern.

All these efforts eventually led to an empowered PO and a well-coordinated and consorted effort to oppose the project. During the course of all these, various standpoints and arguments came to light on why there is a dire need for the project not to push through. Listed below are some of these reasons as well as steps done by the groups:

 We believe this to be otherwise. We have yet to determine this by an actual site visit and GPS reading.

•     The proposed site for the landfill is situated right beside the buffer zone of a national park as proclaimed in Oct. 26, 1976 by then President Ferdinand Marcos under Proc. No. 1594 “Declaring Mts. Palay-palay/ Mataas na Gulod and vicinities situated in the municipalities of Ternate and Maragondon, province of Cavite and the municipality of Nasugbu, province of Batangas, island of Luzon as a National Park, Game refuge and bird sanctuary.”

•     Just this year, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo issued Proc. No. 1315 “Declaring Mts. Palay-palay/ Mataas na Gulod National park as Protected Area which shall be known as Mts. Palay-palay Mataas na Gulod Protected Landscape.” Signed this June 27, 2007.Thus, being declared as a protected area, this ought to have stricter policies and guidelines favoring the anti-ternate landfill groups. But the proclamation also led us to doubt that a much grander scheme is at work favoring the landfill. Here are some of the ‘questionable and dubious” statements in the Proc.no.1315.                 

                a) The original land area of the park was 4000 hectares, but it was narrowed to 3973.13 hectares as stated in proc. no. 1315.

                b) As stated in the proclamation no.1315, the protected landscape would now be “subject to private rights”.

                c) When the “technical descriptions” of the proclamation was plotted to a topographic map, it showed a difference of area of the delineation than that of existing records of the park’s original boundaries

•     Former President Marcos issued Proclamation no.1520 dated Nov.28, 1975 “Declaring the municipalities of Maragondon and Ternate in Cavite and the municipality of Nasugbu in Batangas province as a Tourist Zone, and for other purposes.” which is under the jurisdiction of the Philippines Tourism Authority. Contrary to what the proponent says about tourism, the anti-ternate landfill groups believes that this facility would only drive away tourists en route to the beaches and mountaineering/trekking destinations in Ternate if ever the project might proceed.

•     According to the Implementing Rules and Regulations (IRR) of the Republic Act 9003 also known as Ecological Solid waste management Act of 2000, as stated in Section 40. Criteria for Sitting a Sanitary Landfill. (d) “The site must be chosen with regard for the sensitivities of the community’s residents.” The project should gain Social Acceptability from the community concern. But the community’s opposition to the project is reflected by these courses of actions:

                    a) Series of rallies and mass mobilizations participated by the thousands around the town of Ternate which was also featured in different television, radio and print media.

                    b) Signature campaign comprising of 12,000 signatures of Ternate residents from a population of 20,000 which was submitted to the Environmental Management Bureau region 4A (EMB-4A) and the DENR main office to stand as basis for the government agency not to issue an Environmental Compliance Certificate (ECC). But eventually they did issue an ECC dated Sept.26, 2007.

                    c) The residents and organized groups also decided to file a petition to the COMELEC Proposing By Local Initiative the Enactment of an Ordinance under RA 6735 entitled, “An ordinance declaring Barangay Sapang, Municipality of Ternate, Province of Cavite as being an integral part of the continuing classification of the municipality of Ternate as a Tourist zone and further classifying Barangay Sapang as a Special Ecological Zone, prohibiting the opening, construction and operation of any sanitary landfill therein, providing penalties for violation of this ordinance and for other purposes,” as a municipal ordinance for the municipality of Ternate, Cavite. Rare is the instance that this type of move is done wherein a given percentage of voting population would make a move to enact an ordinance. Being this, lawyers from the Comelec faced a blank wall upon receiving this document. And we are currently on the move and looking for assistance from legal counsels who could shed some light with this type of action.

•     According also to the Implementing Rules and Regulations (IRR) of  the Republic Act 9003 also known as Ecological Solid waste management Act of 2000, as stated in  Section 40. Criteria for Sitting a Sanitary Landfill. (e) “The site must be located in an area where the landfill’s operation will not detrimentally affect environmentally sensitive resources such as Aquifer, Groundwater reservoir or watershed areas.”

•     Also from the IRR of RA 9003. Penal Provisions. Section 48. Prohibited Acts (16) “The construction or operation of landfills or any waste disposal facility on any Aquifer, Groundwater reservoir or watershed area and on any portions thereof.”

                    a) The proposed site for the landfill is declared part of the study area by the Local Water Utilities Authorities (LWUA) and the Japanese International Cooperating Agency (JICA) issued last 1995 as a Groundwater Basin and declared also by Bechtel Engineering hired by Puerto Azul Resort as a Water Basin.

                    b) As stated in the “Report on the Geological assessment of the proposed sanitary landfill located inside the quarry site of Cavdeal in Ternate, Cavite” prepared by the Mines and Geosciences Bureau (MGB) of the DENR, “Based on the groundwater availability map of the Philippines, the project area has fairly extensive and productive Aquifers with average annual potential recharge of 0.3 to 0.8meter.”

                     c) Safe drinking water for the surrounding municipalities are threatened by the facility. Because one of the major hazardous by-products by landfills are called Leachate. According to the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire website, “Leachate is a potentially toxic fluid that could leak from a landfill site and pollute aquifers and surface water.”

                     d) According to the same report that was released by the MGB, it states that the site “Is located in a creek valley bounded by two high hilly terrains… The creek is part of the tributary of the Sapang River.” We all know that water always go down stream, having the site as a tributary for a river would surely be alarming for those living down stream. Contaminated water can easily flow to other tributaries posing a threat not only to humans and animals but also plants.

•     Hydrologic hazard stated in the “Report on the Geological assessment of the proposed sanitary landfill located inside the quarry site of Cavdeal in Ternate, Cavite” prepared by the MGB indicates that “Since the proposed area for landfill site is situated on a drainage floor, it is very likely that the area may experience flash flooding caused by heavy runoff coming from the upstream area.” Let us not set aside the fact that the site proposed is within a quarry site. The capacity of the soil to hold moisture has already been depleted and that if a flash flood may occur, it could easily boulders and rocks that can easily be dislodged from the site due to the quarrying activity. This, again, pose a major threat to the community’s safety and welfare.

•     Mts Palay palay/ Mataas na Gulod National Park is home to a wide array of flora and fauna and quite a number of endemic and endangered species. Studies and researches are being conducted in the area both by students and faculties from De La Salle University- Dasmariñas in Dasmariñas, Cavite. And biodiversity conservation is one of their main thrusts in their field. The national park is one of the identified sites in the book: Key Conservation Sites in the Philippines: A Haribon Foundation and Birdlife International Directory of Important Bird Areas (IBAs) by Mallari, Neil Aldrin, et. al. (2001). And having such a facility in the area may create a big imbalance in the ecology that might affect the sensitive wildlife.

•     In the presentations conducted by Environsave regarding the landfill, one of the components of the said facility is a Materials Recovery Facility, wherein the said landfill shall be receiving ‘mixed (unsegregated) waste’ from all over the province and that segregation shall be done on-site. It is clearly stated again, in the IRR of RA 9003 Article 2. Segregation of Wastes. Section21. Mandatory Segregation of Solid Wastes. “That segregation of wastes shall primarily be conducted at the source, to include household, institutional, industrial, commercial and agricultural sources.”  If the facility will be receiving mixed waste, then there would be no effort done at the household level to help reduce, reuse, refuse and recycle wastes. The very heart of RA 9003 is that it must be done at source.

•     Traffic and road-safety also is a major concern. If the facility would be catering for all the trash the province would produce then it may create unrest for those living along the highways that these trucks would pass by. Foul smell (due to unsegregated wastes), noise pollution and safety for both commuters and pedestrians at stake if there are an added number of trucks passing a single route to a common destination. Even if it has ‘transfer stations’ it would still not discount the fact that trucks would be set to go to these so-called transfer stations as proposed by the proponent.  Highways and road systems will also be subjected to damage due to the volume and capacity of these bridges and roadways to service large and heavy dump trucks.

•     Based on the reprint of Rachel’s Environment and Health Weekly (#37 Aug10,1987, #116 Feb.14,1989, #617 Sept.24, 1998)

                    a) #37: The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency says All Landfills Leak, even those using best available liners.

                    b) #116: Analyzing why all landfills leak.

                    c) #617: Landfills are dangerous.

•     Here in the Philippines there are quite a number of experiences that so-called landfill proponents submit proposals for a Sanitary Landfill that in the end only ends up to be an open dumpsite and control dumpsite. But, in paper, they all claim to be landfills. Unfortunately irreversible damage has been done to these sites with the cost of both human and environmental costs. This is true with the “landfills” located in San Mateo in Rizal, Payatas, San Jose Del Monte in Bulacan and even Clark and in Cebu. All of them ended up to be well below of what was expected to be as a “sanitary” landfill. 

•     Based also in the official report released by the MGB, it states that “Geographically, the project site is centered at coordinates, 120 degrees 41’ 30” East Long. And 14degrees 05’ 57.2” North Lat.” Supposedly, this coordinates would fall at the center of the proposed landfill site. But when we plotted these coordinates, we made a startling discovery. It centered nowhere near the known landfill site or even nowhere near Cavdeal, the quarry company beside the site. The said coordinates when plotted to a topographic map, fell somewhere in the municipality of Nasugbu, Batangas. This being a major discrepancy in the official report released by the MGB.

•     In the study conducted by Tengonciang, et al. 2002, the soil along Ternate, Maragondon, and up to Magallanes are said to be volcanic.

With all these information at hand, we are calling for those who in one way or another could be of help regarding this matter. The Office of the Provincial Government (OPG) of Cavite is supporting the proponent with regards to the project. But the different sectors concerned will not be taking this sitting down. Moves have been made also by the Diocese of Imus and dialogues between the diocese and the OPG have already been ensuring. Support groups coming from outside Cavite also flourished through contacts and linkages of those involved. NGO’s, Professionals, and other institutions are currently working together to offer alternatives and training programs to address this issue.

We, as Lasallians must take part in such an undertaking. The Lasallian Community Development Center has been part of the issue since the very beginning of the matter, lending a hand during the preliminary meetings while organizing the community, providing some technical and information/ education campaign for the enrichment of those concerned. Coordinating with other linkages as well as other offices within the University for a more holistic and synergic approach to attaining Social Transformation. In the past, we have been part of the closure of the Carmona Landfill and opposing the construction of the Magallanes Landfill which eventually led to the formation of the Cavite Greens Coalition- Kalikasan to whom LCDC is also a member. This is a call for action to us Lasallians, as part and parcel of a much larger community rather than just being in the confines of our walls, let us make a move to inflict the change that we want to see in the society…bearing in mind that all these must be in the context of a Lasallian touch and in line with the Lasallian Guiding Principles.

This is a call for action to all those who would want to preserve the pristine environment of Ternate, we as mountaineers/ environmentalists, being the guardians of the mountains specially in this case, the national park wherein Pico de Loro is part of.

Gerard S. Natividad
Project Officer, Environmental Advocacy, Lasallian Community Development Center, DLSU-D
Adviser, DLSU-D Mountaineering Society
Member, Cavite Green Coalition-Kalikasan
Member, 505th Search and Rescue Auxiliary Group, Inc

...

May mga bagay na karaniwan nating ginagawang biro dahil may kababawan at kalokohan ito hanggang sa dumating ang isang pagkakataong malalaman na natin na totoo pala ito.

Gaya na lamang noong isang araw, napatunayan ko na ang ipis 'pag namamatay ay iniipis din. Loko. Seryoso. Ilang gabi na ang nakakaraan nang may aksidente o di kaya nama'y sinasadyang nakapatay ng ipis sa sahig ng aming palikuran. Napansin kong may ilang ipis ang nagpi-piyesta na sa labi ng kapwa nila ipis. Kanibal ang mga walang'ya. Hahahaha.

Hihirit lang ako ng isa: Tangina talagang edukasyon meron sa earth. Consumeristic, komersyalisado at nakawait na sa kuko ng kapitalismo. Pa'no ba naman, andiyang siningil kami sa tuition fee ng P2K para sa librong hindi rin naman masyadong nagamit. At masyado nga naman daw kasing BASIC ang nilalaman. Eh bakit pa iyon pinabili? Mas maganda naman pala ang maituturo ng walang libro. At siningil din ng karagdagang Exam fee na P1700 para sa asignaturang kaakibat ng librong iyon. Certification daw. Sinama rin ito sa grading system. Magagamit daw ito sa magiging propesyon. At mase-strenghten daw nito ang ties ng pamantasan sa kumpanya na may-ari ng patent, copyright o kung anumang dapat na termino sa pagmamay-ari ng kung anumang ka-churvahan yun. Sana di na lang ginawang compulsary. Sana di na lang sinabing

simula ng mga pakikipagsapalaran ng batang gala na si levy lagalag

Title.. Siyeeeht, ang haba.

Nauuhaw ang aking mga mata. Nangangati ang mga paa. Bumibilis ang tibok ng aking puso. Tara lakbay na tayo.

Natatakam ako. Yeah.

Nanonood ako ng Balik-Bayan ni Drew Arellano, kani-kanina lang. Nakakainggit. Nakakaatat. Gusto ko na ring maglakbay. Isipin mo na lang kung ang ikinabubuhay mo ay ang bagay na gustung-gusto mong gawin sa buhay mo, ang maglakbay. Beybeh! Hehehehe. Sa taong gaya ko na nakulong sa kanyang sikretong laboratoryo ng ilang taon, ang paglabas para makita ang tunay na mundo ay isang napakalaking pakikipagsapalran. O, di ba, ang bongga?! Hahahaha. Nakita ko pa ulit sa TV ang Pugadlawin Adventure Camp na isa sa mga lugar na nais kong dayuhin sa darating na panahon. Naalala ko rin ang marami pang lugar na di ko pa nararating. Naglalaway tuloy ako. Karaniwang pagkain lamang ang kinatatakaman ko pero ngayong mas nabuksan na ang mata ko sa tunay na ganda at laki ng mundo [Pilipinas pa nga lang eh], hindi ako matatahimik lalo ngayong kakapirangot palang sa tunay na sukat at dami ng lakbayin ang natatahak ng mga binti't paa ako.

Fotcha. Kailangan ko ng maraming pera. Tara, gala tayo! Woooh!

Doc Ferdz Recio tonight on Pinoy Meets World. He went on a Safari in South Africa. Astig. Buwis-buhay. Nanonood ako ng Showbiz Central kanina. Nakakatuwa yung Don't Lie to Me. Kulet. Maya-maya si Chef Rob naman. Nakakagutom. Aiyeeeh. Sarap siguro kumain pag gwapo chef mo. 'Yaan mo, magkikita rin tayo. Hehehehe.

Sa wakas nagkakaroon na rin ako ng lakas na simulan ang mga bagay na dapat matapos. Midterm exams na next week. And in a few week, Finals tapos tapos na. Fotek, I can't wait. Daming plano bago magsimulang magtrabaho. Blah, nevermind.

Wala na namang pasok sa Monday. Tinatamad na akong mabuhay. Hahahaha. Daming gagawain di ko alam kung san ko sisimulan kaya lalo akong walang nagagawa. Minsan hindi nakakatuwa ang tumunganga. Nakakatamad at nakakasawa. Di ko na alam gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Fotcha.

Ayan Chef to Go na. Babayu.

PS: Noel Cabangon sa Singing Bee this Monday. Isa pang Idol. Let's support. Ayos. Tapos Elemento nasa Mel and Joey. Astig talaga. Pangit nga lang ang pagkaka-feature. Anyway, astig pa rin.

I dreamt a dream

I wanted to sleep some more maybe I'll know what happens next. But the dream have locked itself in my subconscious forever or maybe till the next night that I sleep again.

It began happy. I was back at that place, a part of my youth, with these people whom I've known all my life. We were talking about a lot of things and laughing until a slip of tongue turned the sweet dream into a dreadful one. News was broken to me, he's gone. Someone who  was once a special part of my life has departed. The cause of death: murder. The secret was kept to me for reasons that I do not fully understand.

Preventing from knowing maybe to protect... from mourning for a loved one? Could there be anything crueler than keeping a human from feeling human emotions especially those called to mind by significant events in that human's life? I don't really understand.

It's just a dream. But for all I know, it could be true; I have not seen him for years and the last time I heard from him was last year when he called for my birthday and sira ang phone ko during my birthday this year so I wouldn't know if he texted or tried to call to greet me and to think that he never forgets to every year. I have not been so nice to him since we went separate ways and I've always been the one hurting him but he never gave up on me.

I saw his family, a few blocks away. I went out then it started to rain. I raised my head up and opened my arms to catch the rain. I went for my cousin's bike to visit the places  where we used to tryst. My eyes opened and I woke up in bitter tears.

Would it have made me feel better if I knew what happened next? I wouldn't know now.

i remember [edited]

during one socials time at camp, i wanted to tell them [my fellow mountaineers] about my love and passion but i'm not really good with impromptu speaking so I wrote it in my cellphone instead and read it to them. well, the summary of the whole story. I just wanted to share. enjoy! sana ma-inspire ka rin.

  

get an inspiration.

know your passion and get it growing.

find a direction and let it help you find your place.

learn from the people you meet on the way.

live what you learned.

be happy.

~ leigs 2008 ~

isang gabing kapayapaan

para sa taong basag-pantasya, tatantanan muna kita. baka nakukulitan ka na sa akin at baka naman mag-feeling ka na gaya ng

taong nagfe-feeling na gusto yatang ma-jombag ng bonggang-bonga. hahahaha. nasabihan lang nang minsan ng isang bagay na di pa ata nasabi sa kanya ni minsan sa buhay nya eh emote na ang lolo mo. sapakin kaya kita? asa u, unggoy! hahahaha. lagnat lang yun pero humupa na ang lagnat kaya ayusin mo buhay mo kung ayaw mong masaktan. orayt? peace.

para sa taong palaboy, iniwanan mo ako ng gawain. okay lang pero i'm lost kailangan ko ng konting liwanag at direksyon. wah. asan ka na? ka-lurkey pero kailangan hintayin ang pagbabali mo. miss na kita, etchos. xp

sa mga taong nakalimot [na ata?], alam nyong itinuring ko kayong parang pamilya pero di ako pwedeng manatili sa isang grupo/ samahan kung saan di ko na maramdaman ang belongingness, kung saan nararamdaman ko na hindi na ako kailangan. meron may kailangan sa akin, may ibang tatanggap sa akin at sila na ang pamilya ko ngayon. pero kung kakailanganin nyo ako somehow, sa tingin ko, alam nyo naman kung saan ako posibleng mahagilap. ingat kayo lagi.

sa mga taong naniniwala at nagtitiwala, gagawin kong lahat ng sinabi kong gagawin ko. bigyan nyo lang ako ng oras. hihinga lang ako sandali. tatapusin ko yun bago ako umalis. salamat sa suporta. yes, feeling artista. hahahaha. basta steady lang kayo. kaya natin yan. bleh.

sa mga taong nag-birthday at magbi-birthday pa lang, oh yeah! party on.

sa mga taong may pambihirang talento sa paninira ng araw, at kahit gabi, ng ibang tao, etong sa inyo: tO___ot

sa mga kaibigang nalayo, hoy magparamdam naman kayo.

sa mga taong nilayuan, isipin nyo kung bakit. yun lang.

sa mga taong pinagkakautangan, hehehe. wait lang, mababayaran ko rin kayo. wehehe.

sa mga taong nagbabasa nito, di ko na problema kung nasayang ko oras mo. babayu.

one question

how do you save the world without having to carry the weight of the world?

one more, question...

do you have to save the world alone, by yourself?

another...

should you be the one to do it? can't it be someone else?

and another...

don't those who try to save the world need saving too?

and another...

who's gonna save them?

and more...

are they worth saving?

and a little more...

how can they be saved?

one last thing,

will you save me?

Ilaw ng Kandila

Isang gabing di madalaw ng antok...

i wish i could take a break from the world, even just once

yes, colored na. hehehehe

die kunst des Lichtes

the darkness dies out, then light is born

damfute

So here I am again, clicking the day away [with the mouse] aimlessly.

You're wrong, if you think I've got nothing good to do. I've got plenty and more deadlines to beat. I'm having the think-or-do dilemma. No such thing exist, it's just something I want to call the state I'm in. With so much to cross out in my to-do list, I can't get myself moving. It's not a case of I-need-a-motivation 'cause I've got all the inspiration and motivation one could possibly need in this life to reach a certain goal. It's just that I've got a plenty, even too much, of everything, I'm at a loss for where to start.

If only there will be a day, just one day, when I would not have to think; when I could just stay put somewhere, stare out into space, drift into the silence, float into nothingness. Take that all in, but it could not possibly happen. You can't stop the world, unless you're Pacquiao. Hahahaha.

Okay, so I'm finally saying it: I've left THEM for good. I've always treated them like family but Levy cannot stay where she doesn't feel needed anymore. You cannot go back to place where you've lost your home, right? I've got people who wants to be with me, I've got other places to go and I've got things to do with the people I'm with. They are my friends and family now but should you need me, I'll still be where you think you can find me. Take care, see YOU, all, around. ^___^.v.

'Eto tagalog, di ko kasi carry na sabihin ito nang English eh. Hahahaha. Nakakaligaw ng landas kapag nawala ng panandalian 'yung isa sa mga bituwing inaasahan mo sa navigation sa buhay. Kahit na alam mong babalik din naman, nakakalungkot pa rin. Iba kasi 'pag kahit di kayo madalas magkita at mag-usap pero alam mong andyan lang sya kaysa alam mong nasa malayo syang lugar. Kaaalis pa lang nya pero gusto mo na ulit syang makabalik. Haaayy...

Teka, change mode tayo. Hirap magsulat ng english pag magulo ang isip. Hahahaha.

Someone just can't help but be annoying. Nagfe-feeling. Gusto yatang ma-jombag ng bonggang-bonga. Hahahaha. Nasabihan lang nang minsan ng isang bagay na di pa ata nasabi sa kanya ni minsan sa buhay nya eh emote na ang lolo mo. Sapakin kaya kita? Asa u, unggoy! Hahahaha. Lagnat lang yun pero humupa na ang lagnat kaya ayusin mo buhay mo kung ayaw mong masaktan. Orayt? Peace.

Obstruction

For some reason I do not understand, web pages are taking years to load. Not sure what's wrong with the freaking computer. I tried all means that I think could possible help; I installed an anti-virus, removed some programs but nothing works. It's keeping me from viewing other pages properly, keeping me from doing what I have to using the internet. See, I can't even see the buttons used to format this blog post, can't do my usual justification with the entries I write. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the connection since it's doing great and running at hyper speed. I really can't understand. Okay, so the anti-virus found a few "entities" but didn't really help to speed things up. Now, I'm freaking stuck. So much to do, so much time, so little, uh... never mind.

Ang liwanag na naman ng buwan, ano hah? Wala lang.

I wanted to write some more tonight about a dozen lot more things but I'll save it for tomorrow or some other day. I can't really think of the things I want to write with Harry Potter on tv and a long list of things-to-do circling like papers caught in a whirlwind in my head. And I have to see a friend off, at least by spirit.

So me, isn't it?

Lonely trekker, have a happy trek! Daming ingat. Enjoy. Happy akyat. Keep safe and advanced happy birthday! See you when you get back.

effort. kamown. ;-p

                                                
                                                    
                                              
                                                      
                                                           

                                                 
                                                    
                                                    
                                        
                                               

                                                          
                                                                         
                                                                                       
                                                         
                                                                       

             

;-p

                                                
                                                    
                                              
                                                      
                                                     

                                                 
                                                    
                                                

Lusong, Kalisungan!

DLSU-Dasmariñas Mountaineering Society
Introductory "FUN" Climb for Batch 12 Applicants
Mt. Kalisungan, Calauan, Laguna
August 9 - 10, 2008

Photos from Anna, Issah, Ma'am Joy, Bim and Bogart [click the links to view their pages]

Related blog post, soon to follow. XP

Reward: $100M

"THIS TIME I SAY, PLEASE" - aurora borealis

A series of fund raising events for Tara Bosch-Santelices

August 13, 2008 at Souk Kafe Robinson's Place Dasmarinas, Cavite
with a stunning sound art performances from EXIST and SABAW members:

Aurora Borealis
Blend:er
Elemento
Inconnu Ictu
Nyabinghi
The Slave Drum
Ugong
...some artists to be announce soon!

This event is part of a series of benefit gigs for our beloved friend Tara Bosch-Santelices.

===============================================================

Please continue praying for Tara, for Joyce and for both of their families.
Please support our event. This will help her a lot.

"I EXIST for TARA"

This event will benefit our friend (also an E.X.I.S.T. member) TARA BOSCH-SANTELICES (STORMY) and her family.

On August 06 2008 (also her birthday) while riding home a jeepney along Cainta, Rizal, Tara was shot in the head during a hold-up. Her very close friend Joyce Mejias, who was with her at that time rushed her to the nearest hospital.

Tara has been in the ICU fighting for her dear life. Although it seems that there is nothing else we can do but wait for a miracle to happen. We, friends of Tara, E.X.I.S.T. members, have decided to organize a benefit gigs to raise funds for Tara's hospital/medical bills.

For those who wants to donate, the temporary bank account is under Anne Marie F. Santelices, Banco de Oro, SA 2140-062201. Any amount will much be appreciated.

Please continue praying for Tara, for Joyce and for both of their families.

Please support our event. This will help her a lot.



PLEASE REPOST

i E.X.I.S.T for Tara, a benefit gig for Tara Bosch-Santelices

As posted: August 8, 2008, 12:00 midnight

THERE IS SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR TARA SANTELICES. PLEASE FORWARD TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

Word spreads around fast and almost everyone has already heard about what happened to our dear friend, Tara Santelices (Assumption Antipolo’s Batch 2003 and Ateneo de Manila University’s Class of 2007, AB Political Science).

On the eve of her 23rd birthday, Tara was shot in the head during a hold-up while riding a jeepney along Imelda Avenue, Cainta, Rizal. Joee Mejias, who was with her at that time, rushed her to Amang Rodriguez Memorial Hospital in Marikina City. The parents of Tara and Joee arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. When morning came, Tara’s parents finally decided to transfer her to the Medical City, Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City. Since 8:00am of August 6, Tara has been in the ICU fighting for her dear life. Her parents have decided not to push through with the operation.

Although it might seem that there is nothing else that we can do but wait for Tara to wake up from this horrific nightmare, we, the friends of Tara, have decided to raise funds for Tara’s hospital bills. This is the least we can do to ease the unbearable pain her family is going through. We have been given the go-signal from Tara’s dad, Tito Larry, and here are the details:

The temporary bank account is under Anne Marie F. Santelices, Banco de Oro, SA 2140-062201. For direct cash donations, please proceed to the ICU Waiting Room of the Medical City (Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City). Please look for Joee Mejias or Lila Santelices.

Any amount will be gratefully accepted. Anonymous donations are also welcome. Please spread the word. Forward this to your family, friends and even to everyone else you know. Please post this on Friendster, Multiply, Facebook and wherever else you can think of. Please send group messages on Yahoo Messenger. This will mean so much to us, her friends.

Please continue praying for Tara, for Joee and for both of their families. If you want to come see Tara, visiting hours at the ICU are at 9:00 am to 11:00 am and 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm.

Thank you so much for your time and kind consideration.

For inquiries, please contact Joee Mejias (09228154987) for calls and Jac Ledonio (09167243071) or Myka Francisco (09163695148) for text messages.

-----

i E.X.I.S.T for Tara, a benefit gig for Tara Bosch-Santelices
Souk Kafe, Terraza Dasma
Robinson's Place Dasmariñas, Cavite
August 13, 2008
8pm onwards

Prologue to Chasing A Dream

If you've never been there, you will never know what it's like and you will never be expected to understand; that rush that flow like invigorated blood in the adventurer's veins, that certain high that animates the idle soul doomed to unconscious stagnation. - LEiGS, 2008

Kamown, I made that a few days ago. Quote me, baby. I'm so proud of myself.

Actually, I wrote that days after I met Garduch-sama again. The highest powers of the universe know how much I admire that man and how happy it would make me to meet him again and again, get acquainted and become his friend. He's my hero, just the thought of meeting him again excites me. Anyway, my point is that

Pu[tik]etry

You're the man today, Monday.
You have to choose today, Tuesday.
When is the day, Wednesday?
Love's what you thirst for today, Thursday.
We're having fries today, Friday.
I'll be joining you sa third day, Saturday.
I can't see the sun today, Sunday.

Maybe there'll be another one again next Monday.

Soon.

.

Yeah.

DMS template

pili ka na lang po ng design at font [anjan yung choices at kung anu itsura nila] ang prefered mo tapos edit ko na lang yung PSD file na nasakin tapos send ko sayo yung file. indicate na rin po kung may corrections, improvements, and everything.

ayt.

peace and love o__^.v.

Prologue to Chasing A Dream

If you've never been there, you will never know what it's like and you will never be expected to understand; that rush that flow like invigorated blood in the adventurer's veins, that certain high that animates the idle soul doomed to unconscious stagnation.

let's sing the rainbow song...

Darating din ang bukas
Sisikat din ang araw sa kalangitan
Hahawiin ng liwanag ang mga ulap
Mga agam-agam at mga alinlangan

Babalik din ang dating sigla
Uusbong din ang mga binhing ipinunla
Manunumbalik ang ngiti at saya
At mapapawi ang kawalang nadarama

May pag-asang darating
Hatid ng ihip ng hangin
May pag-asang darating
Hatid ng bahaghari
May pag-asang darating
Kasama mo ako sa mga paghamon mo
Kasama mo ako sa muling pagbangon mo

Abot-tanaw ko na ang bagong umaga
Abot-kamay ko na ang bagong pag-asa

May pag-asang darating
Hatid ng ihip ng hangin
May pag-asang darating
Hatid ng bahaghari

Kasama mo ako sa mga paghamon mo
Kasama mo ako sa muling pagbangon mo

Awit ng Bahaghari
Noel Cabangon