Ready, steady

Just as Kuya Jonas called it, were going to the Playground of the Gods tomorrow.

Woooh! This is it.

So much going on inside my head. I It's good that I am finally leaving them for a while. Unload. Recharge. Put my mind only on the climb, the induction, the mountain and whatever waits for us up there. Live the moment and forever remember it. Hehehe.

Still haven't finished packing and some more stuff I need to buy tomorrow morning. I'll drop by school tomorrow and grab myself a copy of HF4, and greet my friends and go back home to prepare then meet the team and go together to the assembly point and meet the rest of the climbing team.

I'll be away for three days, be back on April 1st and then party with my Genshi-ningens on April 2nd. 

I think something's wrong with me. I'm neither excited nor anxious nor anything actually. I'm feeling neutral. I'm feeling needless emotions, thoughts playing games with my head, things that people said, voices that kept reminding me of my past failures... Blah! Those stuff. I can't really think right now, and guess what. I haven't eaten dinner yet. Hahahaha.

Tomorrow is my BIG day. It may not be as big and as special for other people. You may think I'm just wasting strength, time and money but I understand how you will never understand. Okay, I'm saying the same words over again, hehe. Basta. Masaya ako, and if you aren't, problema nyo na 'yun. *wink*

Orayt, GTG. See you all in three days!

Stochasticity

Resolution, I made one and I kept it.

See, di ako galit. I just needed to keep a safe, comfortable distance. I hope this doesn't change anything, though, there already are undeniable changes, between us. I had to stick where I can't smell him... Hahaha it's the P word again. So, anyway...

Got free lunch today. Got up at 10am and found my mom cooking but everything was already reserved so I can't eat anything. I fixed myself and pulled one of those coupons from my Jollibee calendar. Hehe. Wanted to eat lunch at Jollibee but I am already late for my meeting with Team Chopsuey to finalize our meal plan, review BMC, bandaging and ropemanship. Ma'am Mean passed by the kubo and offered the free food she got from a seminar because she's a vegetarian and can't eat it. I took it since the others are vegeterians too. I just bought a cup of iced tea from the Square Canteen, which by the way is undergoing renovations, and got myself a plastic spoon and fork. So I ate and drank while they discuss what we came there for. Sir Dok when by too, gave us reminders since we only have two more days before the climb. Waaah~ I need to prepare now.

To hear your voice above the noise, I know I'm not alone. I heard that line from a song from High School Musical 2 while I was riding a jeep on my way home. Had this line stuck in my head since then. It reminds me of that scene from one of my favorite movies, Bram stoker's Dracula where Mina was talking to Vlad about how his voice was so familiar and soothing esp. when she's alone then Vlad answers 'you're not' (referring to what she said about being 'alone'). I just thought: I have no voice to soothe me when I'm alone. I am alone. I have always been alone. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, lots of them but no one significant, no significant other. Well, not that my friends aren't significant. It's tiring actually, getting lovesick every now and then with no 'real' one to get lovesick with. Prang yung sa kanta lang, "dreams are my reality", other than that, nothing is real. IT is an illusion. Nothing is real this way, whatever that IT may be. Wala lang.

Waaah~ I was just talking to Mhellow. Wahaha. My crushie-wushie. Wala lang. He saw me too last Lasallian Fest and thinks the Sound Village head protector looked cool on me. Wahahaha. Called himself Sasuke and me Sakura... Rabuuuh! Hahaha. Nyah! Asa naman ako. Hehe well, he asked help kasi he has this girl calling and texting him and added her in friendster and grabbed his photos. Oh no. Weird. Katakot. He doesn't know her. He showed me the photo but I don't think it's really her. The photo looked a bit like Heart and Alodia. Apparently, her name is Katrina Joan Chua. She looks familiar but I don't really have an idea where I've seen here. The account was just recently made and judging from the filename of the photo she uploaded, she just downloaded it from someone ele's account and uploaded it in hers. If you're curious, check her profile here.

I've waited but sadly, like that promised piano, I don't think it's coming anymore. Oh, Alemagna, when will we meet? Aww... Expired na passport ko pero di pa rin nagagamit. I have to renew but... Ugh, waiting, and waiting, and waiting still. Patience is a virtue but I'm not virtuous, so, why wait? Aww, like that's how it works. Life can't wait but I can, and all these years, that's all I ever do. LANGYA TALAGA!

Read in the papers that there's going to be Ice Age 3. Cool. Just read too that there's going to be a DotA movie called The Final Hour. You can watch it here. Not sure if this is true. I saw the trailer but I'm not sure if it was just a fan video or if it's true. I'll watch out for it anyway. Cool movies are coming this summer and I wanna make sure I see if not all but most of them. Oye!

My summer enrolment is still on the line because chances are that the subjects I need to take won't be open and I will have to take it somewhere else but I will talk to the Department Chair first. Haaay...

Earth Hour on the 29th. I'll be up the mountain by then but likewise, I support the cause. And with that, I dedicate that climb on the 29th to Earth Hour.

The moon has been bright for a few nights now since the full moon. It shone brightly straight down my window. Wala lang. I've been staying up till morning. The moon is so bright I can't sleep. I'm a moon child, you see. Wala lang ulit. The moon is still bright but the darkness is starting to veil that blessed, bright orb of light again, undergoing a new phase. Maybe, it's that time for me too... Goodluck sa 'kin.

Okay, I'm seeing beaches on TV. Waaah~ I wanna go to the beach too. May pa...  Tagal... Kahit hindi beach basta safe at pwedeng pag-swimming-an. I remember how it's been raining sweat for me these past few days and I'm not even doing anything. Let's hit the waters, kamown, people... *remember Dory singing ~ Just keep swimmng, just keep swimming...*

Have to finish some work and artworks when I get back.... Waaaaaaaaaaahhh~

Ayos, gutom na naman ako. Itadakimasu!

Bus Stop: Roadtrip ng Buhay

Sa di malamang dahilan, ang dami ko nang nakatha sa isip ko habang kakagatin-kinakagat-kinagat ko [kumakain ng] ang crispy-licious, juicy-licious Chickenjoy kanina. Para na akong nakapag-blog ng isang entry na kasing haba ng isang episode ng teledrama. Susubukan kong mailagay sa panulat ang lahat ng ka-random-ang naisip ko kanina para lang may magawa. Incoherent at irrelevant. Wala lang.

Hayaan mong iligaw kita sa labyrinth ng aking isipan. Try mo, kahit minsan lang.

CAUTION: Ihanda mo ang sarili mo, mahaba-habang basahan ito, in HF-speak: text-heavy...

Kararating ko lang galing sa pamantasan. Ibang katahimikan ang namamayani, nagmistulang ghost town dahil mangilan-ngilan lang ang mga taong nakita ko. Binagtas ko ang kahabaan ng West campus, tama nga ba? West nga ba ang Gate 1? Ibang kapayapaan ang meron sa La Salle. Pwede ko ngang sabihin na ito ang paborito kong panahon sa buong taon. Kakaiba nga lang talaga pag wala ang alingawngaw ng mga tawanan. Payapa pero may kurot ng kalungkutan ang paligid. Di maiwasang isiping malapit-lapit na rin akong magpaalam. Sino nga bang hindi magpapaalam? Una-una lang yan. Pero bakit parang habang lalong minamadali, laong nagtatagal. Naniniwala pa rin ako sa divine intervention at greater plan pero paminsan-minsan nauubusan ka rin ng pananalig at paniniwala. Magtatanong ka, ano nga bang gusto nyang gawin mo para sa kanya? Sino ba talaga "sya"? Bakit nga ba nandito ka pa? Ang mahabang byaheng hindi matapos-tapos. Ang buhay ay isang paglalakbay pero ang daang tinatahak ko ay parang walang babaan. Tuluy-tuloy lang, may stop overs para sa iba't ibang necessities ng buhay pero walang siguradong patutunguhan. Hindi ka lang naliligaw, bumyahe, lumuwas patungo kung saan, saan... Saan nga ba? Di mo alam. Parang balahibong nagpapatangay sa hangin, parang dahong nagpapaagos sa tubig, parang bus na nagro-roadtrip sa daang makulot, paikot-ikot. Ang bus stop: EWAN. Paano tatapusin ko tatapusin ang talatang ito? Isang bow.

Tama si specimen A nang tinawag nyang passive si specimen B. Bakit? Madami syang sinasabing gusto nyang gawin pero madami syang dahilan para di ito gawin. Nakatali sila. Saan? Sa kanilang mga dahilan. Ano namang pakialam ko dun? Wala. sinasabi ko lang. Nakakatamad kasi yayain ang mga taong nagpapatali sa mga bagay na pipigil sa kanila para maging masaya. Wala namang kaso kung sila lang yun pero minsan, nakaka-offend ang dating na para kang nakikiusap. Ikaw na yung nang-iimbita, parang nagbe-beg ka pa na sumama sila. Langya. Di na kita sasabihan, asa ka. Hahaha. Peace.

Sa huling pagkakataon, isasalaysay ko kung paanong ginugulo ang isip ko ng isang taong di naman dapat ako ginugulo. Kung alam nya o hinde ang ginagawa nya sa akin, ewan ko. Di ko na aalamin. Kung di kayang patulugin ang damdamin, papatayin na lang natin. Di ba galing nga ako sa school kanina, alam mo ba, para akong tanga. Umaasa akong makikita kita kanina. Masakit pero gusto pa rin kitang makita. Iniisip ko, isa na lang. Isang isa na lang talaga. Wala naman talaga akong gusto sa'yo pero di na ako mapakali pag nandiyan ka na. Walang amoy pero ang bango-bango mo. Pheromones... Waaah! Sana hindi kona ulit sya makita, hindi ko na ulit sya titignan. Kung di maiiwasan, keep distance na lang siguro, parang  sa kalsada, parang sa trail, comfortable distance na 2 two meters. Hehehe. Konti na lang, di na kita kailangang makita. Ayoko na talaga... Kahit yang P word na yan. Ayoko nang marinig lalo na kung tungkol sa'yo. Nakakainis ka na. Ito na... This is it... Paalam. *wink*

Balik tayo sa byaheng walang siguradong patutunguhan. May nadaanan na naman akong job opening kanina sa Imus. Graphic Designer/Artist. Gusto ko ito dahil ito lang ang kaya ko. Matatapos ko ang Bachelor's degree ko sa Information Technology nang hindi marunong mag-program. Hindi naman sa wala talagang alam pero di ko naman itatangging kahinaan ko yan. Mahina ako sa Logic at mahina ako sa paggamit ng logic para makapag-program at ang mga syntax, functions at methods at kung anu-anong computer programming jargons... Masyadong marami nalilito ako, di ko mawari kung paano sila gagamitin at kakabisaduhin. Wala akong kinabukasan dyan. Ni hindi ko pa nga sigurado kung paano ko tatapusin ang naiwan kong Physics na panay pa rin Math at logic. Sa tingin ko kaya wala akong makitang bus stop sa byahe ng buhay ko kasi hindi ko alam kung saan ko gustong bumaba. Hindi ko alam ang daan dahil nasanay akong may naghahatid sa akin, nasanay na rin akong meron nang established na "bus stop". Balikan natin, bakit nga ba ito ang byaheng sinakyan ko? Kasi gusto kong maging 3D animator, gusto kong maging digital graphic artist akala ko dun ang babaan kung byaheng Computer Science ang sasakyan ko pero hindi ko natagalan. Nangayaw ako at napalipat ng bus pero halos ganun din ang tinahak na daan pero di tulad ng dati na alam ko ang gusto ko, parang ngayon, naliligaw ako. Parang naeengkanto, namamaligno, naaanayo. Paikot-ikot lang, paulit-ulit. Uobra kaya kung babaliktarin ko ang damit? Mararating ko na ba ang bus stop para sumakay sa susunod na byahe sa mas malaking mundo? Kung marating ko ang bus stop, may maabutan pa ba ako? Ano'ng meron sa bus stop? Meron nga ba talagang bus stop? Pasahero nga lang ba tayo sa bus na ito o tayo ang drayber? Pwede kayang makisakay na lang sa byahe ng ibang bus o kailangan magmaneho ng sariling bus? Bakit ko nga ba ikinukupara ang buhay sa bus at sa byaheng nilalakbay nito? Sagot sa lahat: Ewan ko rin.

Kung makakatapos akong ngayon summer sem, ano na? Ewan. Minsan binalak kong mag-call center. Nag-apply ako sa Convergys at tinawagan na ako. Pwede na sana akong magsimula pero dahil sa ilang mga kadahilanan, pinalampas ko ang isa sa mga pinakamalalaking pagkakataong dumating sa buhay ko. Una, dahil kailangan kong mag-Summer pa makatapos, maka-graduate na sa college. Di man ako makaka-marcha ngayon sa PICC, pwede pa naman next year. Anyway, yun nga, binalak kong mag-call center para makaipon sana ng pera para makapagpatuloy. Ang plano ko sana ay mag-extend ng isa pang taon since magta-trabaho naman ako at mag-iipon at magpapaka-independent pero nasira na naman ang momentum ko. Matagal nang sira ang momentum. Mas madalas kaysa hindi, nasisira ang mga big time kong plano. Kahit gaano ko siya katagal pinag-iisipan, kahit anong tindi ng preparasyon, hindi niya pa rin mapigilang sumablay. Ilang araw rin nila akong sinubukang kontakin ulit pagkatapos ng phone interview at appointment kong inindiyan. Hindi naman ako pa-importante, ano hah? Hehe di naman. Nawalan lang ako ng gana. Naniniwala rin kasi ako sa kung para sa'yo ay para sa'yo pero kung hinde, eh di hinde. Hehehe. Hindi ko na naman alam kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. May pera sa call center pero di ako ang taong ipagpapalit ang tulog ko para sa pera at sa kung ano pa man maliban na lamang kung talagang gusto ko ang ginagawa ko. Sabihin nating matapos na ako ngayong summer, pagkatapos nun... Ano na? Magta-trabaho ako pero ano namang trabahong makukuha ko? Mag-showbiz na lang kaya ako? Natawa ka? Minsan ako rin natatawa. Kasi gusto ko siya pero wala akong ideya kung paano at wala akong tyaga. May talento ako pero hindi ako kasing ganda, kasing tangkad, kasing kinis, at kasing ganda ang katawan gaya ng nakikita nating mga baguhan at lalo naman ang mga beterano na ng industriya. Nasubukan ko man ngunit di pa rin sapat ang tapang at lakas ng loob na naipakita ko nang subukan kong magsasali sa mga talent search sa tv. Di nyo alam yun, anoh? Sakit ko na ang stage fright. Hindi ganyan ang paraan ng pagiging competitive ko. Mas kaya ko yung ipapasa na lang ang panlaban sa mga contest. Mas madali sana kung madi-discover ka na lang ng isang talent scout o di kaya ng isang sikat nang alagad ng sining pero di ka madi-diskubre habang nakakulong sa kwarto, hindi sa harap computer, hindi rin sa itaas ng bundok, pwede pero madalas hindi sa loob ng paaralan. Kung saan... Ewan. Minsan naluluha ako pag nanunood ng telebisyon, sinasabi sa sarili ko na ako dapat yan, o kaya naman mas magaling pa ako jan, mas maganda ka lang. Hahaha. Yun lang.

Sawa ka na ba? Hindi pa tapos. Sabi nga ni Sir Lourd:

feel free to write the worst garbage in the world

Hayaan nyo minsan ipo-post ko yung mga notes ko dun sa seminar with him. Para naman maramdaman niyo ang overwhelming power ni Lourd through his words and teaching. Hehehe. Iba talaga si Lourd. Ayos.

Graduation nga pala ngayon. Well, hindi na ako nag-abalang manood o di kaya batiin ang mga nagsipagtapos. Wala nang bitterness, promise, pero wala din namang halaga ang presensiya ko dun. Ayoko na isipin. Magagalit lang ako sa sarili ko, maninisi na naman ng mga tao at magpapakabitter. Ayoko na ng ganun. Sabi a hint of bitterness, the flavor of life; Totoo pa rin yun pero, di ba, pwede namang i-moderate ang bitterness. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Haba na ba? Hehe Bukas ulit, gutom na 'ko eh.

word for the day: stochasticity, meaning randomness. wala lang.

D & D Stats War

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Fighter/Cleric (1st/1st Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-15
Dexterity-14
Constitution-15
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-19
Charisma-14

Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Fighters can be many things, from soldiers to criminal enforcers. Some see adventure as a way to get rich, while others use their skills to protect the innocent. Fighters have the best all-around fighting capabilities of the PC classes, and they are trained to use all standard weapons and armor. A fighter's rigorous martial training grants him many bonus feats as he progresses, and high-level fighters have access to special melee maneuvers and exotic weapons not available to any other character.

Secondary Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (28)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (29)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXX (4)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XX (2)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Elf ------ XXXXXX (6)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Halfling - XXXXXXXX (8)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXX (7)
Half-Orc - XXXX (4)

Class:
Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (0)
Cleric ---- XX (2)
Druid ----- XX (2)
Fighter --- XX (2)
Monk ------ (-25)
Paladin --- (-17)
Ranger ---- XX (2)
Rogue ----- (0)
Sorcerer -- (0)
Wizard ---- (-4)

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Supah summah

I know what I said. I haven't forgotten. But they're just words. I still hear a loud throbbing inside my chest after all the decisions, the resolutions I've made. No more entertaining thoughts of him, no more pheromone sniffing. I can't have myself getting hurt everytime the truth strikes me. I can't let this sickness continue eating me from the inside but it's just like letting go of something you never got hold of, and how is that ever possible? He's under my skin but how do I get him off? It's wrong, I know. I know. I just don't know what to do about it. Heaven, please don't let me see him again. Not, no more. PLEASE.

Dear Diary, I have to kill him inside my head. How do I? Do I stab him? Do I beat the hell out of him? Or should I just forget the whole idea, let it go and let the feeling kill itself? I hope we can keep a comfortable distance. Or better if he permanently keeps away. This is a lot more difficult than having to apologize for something you did on purpose. Fotcha. Si Shiawase kasi eh... Si Kawaii Boy kasi eh... Sana kayo na lang ulit ang pino-problema ko para mas masaya... Waaahuhu~

*five second breather ~ breathe breathe breathe* 

Okay, four more days. Still haven't packed, still haven't bought anything. Can't decide what to bring yet and how to pack them. That good vibe still ain't flowing yet, still not feeling it. Dunno why. Seems like something's not right, or maybe something's missing. Ewan. Maybe it's just me. I'm sure I'll be feeling it soon. Till then...

Nakita nyo na ba yung summer ID ng GMA7? Awww, bakit wala dun si Garduch-sama?

Cool ng bagong movie ni Jackie Chan, kasama si Jet Li. Yay! I'll definitely go see that movie when it comes in theathres. At andun pa si Dada [Crystal Liu] ng Condor Heroes. Astig talaga. Movie trips na naman ako nito. Yeah!

Yup, I said it's time to move but I'm still on standby, hybernate mode. Ideas, and inspiration come popping inside my head but can't find my hands to move and write them down. Blah! I'm am such a lazy ass. My, my...

Tama, mali sila. Japanese ang may gawa ng Hanazari no Kimitachi e/ Hana Kimi kaya't panong naging orginal ang Taiwanese version? Nauna lang sila gumawa ng series pero ang Japanese version pa rin, kahit anung gawin nila ang original. Go JAPAN! Yeah!

Kakalimutan na kita, iiwasan, lalayuan kung kinakailangan. Wag ka na rin lalapit sa akin. Pinahihirapan ako ng presensya mo. Mas mabuti na ito. Just so you know, you're making sick to my stomach, causing a pain in my heart. Fotcha.

Orayt. Summer trips on my list. Ayos. Ayos. Kailangan ko lang mag-ipon. Ipon. Ipon. Waaah~

Ano na?! Tinatamad na ako...

Haburdeis

Since wala akong mai-post na kahti anong bago, babatiin ko na lang ang mga may birthday. Ayon dito sa Multiply calendar: Happy na, birthday pa nila:

March
4 - Dorothy Baronda
7 - Yin-yin Borreros
19 - Andrian Jiongco
20 - Thammylet Tudio
23 - The Chongkeys
24 - Angelica Mejilla
28 - Jheerick del Mundo
29 - Shaira Salmani
29 - Earth Hour

April
1 - Andrew Tadalan
2 - Greg Mascardo
3 - Nagi-neechan
4 - Sabina Santiago
8 - Ardee Yashel Serdoncillo
15 - Winston Sevilla
15 - Jackner Borja
23 - Matthew Ventura
24 - Vince Natividad
25 - JC Lacanlale

May
1 - Vanessa Baldicañas
2 - Djeaune Rivere
3 - Neville Carbon
3 - Nikko Catimpo
7 - Joycen Sabio
14 - Swit Reyes
17 - Allen Gregorio

June
2 - Michaella Grimaldo
4 - Wella Gulfan
5 - Luis Olitoquit
6 - Candice
8 - Romeo Soriano
10 - Jonelyn Enriquez
15 - Kenneth Policarpio
15 - Ronnel Asuncion
18 - Jillian Buenviaje
24 - Joyce Cirineo
25 - Rubilyn Valdez
25 - Kastigo band
29 - Rommell Sarao

July
5 - Me, Myself and I -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
6 - Ivan Henares
7 - Felice Abad
7 - Patricia Salonga
12 - Jeremiah Manuel
12 - Mel Araneta
13 - Jason de Guzman
13 - Paul Salonga
20 - Ruzelle Rodriguez
21 - Krishna Doliente
24 - Martin Bautista
31 - Arvin Aningalan

August
7 - Michael Vidallon
7 - Bjorn Serdoncillo
11 - Raisa Sindingan
13 - Princess Dagasdas
16 - Nicholai Basilonia
16 - Jan Gabriel Caparras
18 - Michelle Amor
21 - Jerome Dazo
21 - Issabelle Vega
22 - Ivy Valverde
29 - PJ Soliven
31 - Hanna Racoma

September
1 - Maine Acosta
5 - Jecoup Asombrado
7 - Desiree Garriel
7 - Weizel Gulfan
7 - Millicent Andres
11 - Kim Palanca
12 - Grace Gonzales
16 - Celine Angue
17 - Anna Cortes
17 - Lawrence Fesalbon
18 - Cathleen Belen
18 - Andrea Agahan
21 - Jan Michael Morales
26 - Ramon Serdoncillo
28 - Homer Morallo

October
3 - Audrey Francisco
4 - Francis Magalona
7 - Jonas Nepomuceno
7 - Rosario Dadula
10 - Lester Licudan
13 - Rosauro Veluz
15 - Sherwin Maestro
16 - MJ Lopez
17 - Dran Masangkay
23 - Karl Unay
30 - Charm

November
3 - Alain Billiones
4 - Anna Garduque
7 - Boris Melgarejo
10 - Joan Joya
19 - Albert Esguerra
24 - Julianne Juan
25 - Alvin Sarreal
26 - Hymn Legaspi

December
1 - Diane Lope
4 - Robinson Laxamana
6 - Krisna Benbinuto
8 - Johan Gomez
11 - Arnel Serrano
13 - Rende Sarne
18 - Shane Yumul
21 - Daniel Duque
23 - Scott Valencia
24 - Christian Reyes
25 - Renan Barco
26 - Archimedes Set
27 - Tonya Preza
29 - Anthony Toledo
30 - Ielee Tesorio
30 - Eugene Santos
30 - Marvin Legaspi

January
1 - Erick Calilan
5 - Rem Amarillas
8 - Placido Falsario
13 - Darwin Perillo
19 - Rizza Mendoza
27 - Bernard Macababat
29 - Jonas Terrado
31 - Norrie Casareo

February
8 - Patrick Quintos
14 - Gerard Atienza
20 - Michael Sandig
24 - Cherry Ramirez

Orayt. Okay na yan. The whole year's been covered. If I missed out on anyone, bahala na kayo. Hahahaha. Basta kung may balak kayong mag-invite, lagi naman akong available. Hahaha. Open for invitation. Partaaay! Hehehe. Happy birthday na lang sa inyo.

Pheromonal

Keep away...

Stay where your scent can't reach me...

The temptation of your closeness...

Intoxicating...

Go where I can't feel your presence...

Let there be spaces in between...

You and me...

Faces forgotten but memories...

Of touching skins are lingering...

Had reasons to fight...

But slowly giving in...

Keep him away, keep him away...

~Just something a friend and I were talking about few days ago. Had something pop in my head after that conversation and thought I'd write it. Tell me what you think. Thanks.

Preoccupation

I have been mindlessly gnawing on whatever I can get my hands on from the dining table or the fridge or even the store today. Wala. I just feel like eating and I'm not even hungry. Haha fixation.

Loving Nag-Iisa, Wala ka na, a song off Noel Cabangon's new album, Himig Nating Pag-Ibig. Been learning it since last night, and somehow, I'm getting the hang of it. And I will take a video of myself singing that song one of these days. Hehehe Levy's Lullaby #4. Yosh.

I need to buy new videos for my collection. Ugh, I've been watching my older movies; It's still good but I wanna see something new. I mean, I wanna buy those movies I loved watching before. I just need to wait till summer school starts and I can save money to buy them with. Sugoi.

I've decided, I'm finally selling my phone so I have money for our major climb and I'll be saving up this summer so, hopefully, I can buy a new one, a brand-new one. Hopefully. *sigh* I already got my first thousand bucks and I'm still another thousand and a few hundred bucks short. Hahahaha. Buh-bye, Vlad... Eight more days... Sana may sumobra para makabili ng souvenir at konting pasalubong. Bahala na. Oh, and I'll be writing about my climb and contributing it for HF 5's Literary section. Hehehe creative non fiction naman eh, kaya aantigin na lang natin sila sa ganda ng Pulag. Maaakyat din nila ang Pulag sa pamamagitan ng pagbasa ng kwneto paglalakbay na isasalaysay ng aking panulat. Ayos.

Joanne is organizing a vacation climb slash photoshoot. Yay! I told her I'm in and she made me Scribe. Hahaha. I'm so excited. Climb then beachineering. Sosyal ang summer ko. Good thing, I'm having summer classes and I'll be having the money I need in time for the trip since it's still at the end of the May. Hindi naman tatamaan ang Mangaholix. Buti kasi I'm planning to finally have my cosplay debut. I'm planning to do Ilya. Pag di ako nakapag-cosplay nito baka di na ko mag-attempt na mag-cosplay pa ng iba. Hehehe I'll be ready with my own props then, not the tent though. Now who wants to go with me and carry the tent? Hehehe. We'll be on vacation for 3 to 4 days but details are tentative. So, just let me know and I'll keep you posted. *wink*

I'm starting to think. Not that I never learned to think before but, I mean, see, it's my "last" semester this summer in school and before the second semester ended, I already had plans. But now, I'm having seconds thoughts about those plans. I don't wanna be like those people I know who let their work get in their way off having fun. Like,  have this friends who wants to attend conventions but can't because she doesn't want to skip work, I have another friend, who's a former bandmate who's also working but can't even do the things he loves to do, and usually does because his work is in the way, and another friend whom I always invite on outings who always turn me down because he [thinks] is always tied to someone or something, hahaha poor child. They are only a few from a lot of people that I know with the same sitch. I don't wanna be like them and one more thing I don't like: leaving the house wearing business attire. Hahaha. Maybe, hopefully, I find a work that will suit my lifestyle, my personality, and my own schedule. I don't wanna be like those other people who can't enjoy their lives because they're working for their living or just working on something. Sana pagtapos ko, may opening sa ITC. Masaya dun eh. Hehehe.

Responsibilities and rewards. See, I don't really care anymore. Forget about appreciation, foget about concern, and even friendship... I live for the life I want and not for the service my life is to you. Tah-tuh!

Can't feel the summer just staying stuck at home. I have to go somewhere. Waaah~ I don't think makakasama ako sa sidetrip sa Baguio or Bakun after the climb. Enrolment kasi. Waaah~ Makakasama ako sa Yearend. Teka, when is the yearend? Hehehe Wala pang updates but definitely kasama ako.

Magsusulat na ulit. Guguhit na ulit ako. Magpi-pinta na ulit ako. Aawit na ako ulit. Tama na ang pahinga. Tapos na ang pag-bwelo. Time to move.

Let's do this.

Naglalakbay

Kasalukuyan akong nakikinig sa bagong album ni Noel Cabangon na Himig Nating Pag-ibig at Alon ni Bayang Barrios hindi pa nanananghalian...

Sa maniwala ka't hindi, nagninilay ako. Nagre-reflect. Nag-iisip ng mga bagay-bagay...

Pina-plano ko na ang susunod kong destinasyon, like Mt. Pinatubo ng late April/ early May or kahit after na ng Summer sem. Di ko man marating lahat, baka kasi hindi ako makasama ng Galera kung matutuloy ang tropa dahil wala akong pera at hindi na ata tuloy ang Subic trip ni Nix, at least I have something to look forward to sa mga darating na panahon...

Ilang araw na lang, pasukan na naman. Summer classes, huli ko nang semestre sa La Salle. Ilang linggo para tapusin ang mga naiwang asignatura, para tapusin ang kursong kinuha, para tapusin ang parteng ito ng buhay ko, para magsimulang magpaalam sa paaralang naging tahanan ko ng mahigit limang taon, para simulan ang isa na namang yugto sa buhay ko. Hindi man kasing engrande ng pagtatapos ko gaya ng ilang taong dapat na naging kasabayan ko, well... ganun talaga. Naniniwala pa rin ako sa "greater plans".

Ayos, dinalhan ako ng empanadang ham and cheese at halo-halo. Sarap ng summer!

Ilang tulog na lang, Pulag here I come! Di pa ako nagi-impake. Kahit paano, nakapag-warm up na sa hiking sa Makiling. Ayos. Masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon ang katawan ko. Hahaha. Kondisyon na siguro ako. Pati nga mood ay bini-build up ko na. Saya ng mga pinakikinggan kong music ngayon. Yeah!

Grabe, ganda ng buwan kagabi. Ang liwanag, full moon na kasi.

Astig talaga si Garduch-sama, para akong nag-crash course sa Land Navigation at Survival in the Wild. Pramis, magkikita ulit tayo someday...

Blessed Holy Week! Happy Summer!!!

Let's sniff some sulfur...

Mudspring/ Flatrocks
Mt. Makiling Forest Park
Los Baños, Laguna
19-March-08

I tried and tried mom.. I reached the top!

Hahahaha

First of my series of summer trips.

Hahaha. Ang saya. Nakapunta rin. Ligo ng pawis, singhot ng sulfur (ayos, bumubula, kumukulo, umuusok, nakaka-adik), rock climbing ulit (naabot ko na yung tuktok, sa may falls), pahirapan bumaba (hehe pinakamalufet na part ng adventure na ito), bili souvenir (for myself only, wala budget eh), food trip, picture-picture (need i say more?), di malaman ang daan pauwi. Hahaha Ayos! I rocked the rocks. Got cuts and bruises but it's all worth it. I'd definitely do it all again. Ang daming di nakasama, di sumama, at kahit kelan di ko na isasama, haherz. Bleh!

PS: Can't stop free spirits from breaking free. Sugoi!

When and where will my next adventure be?

The day I met my Lourd again [wasak pa rin]

Kailan kaya mae-extinct ang lamok in the wild? Di naman pwedeng in captivity kasi sino namang magkaka-interest na mag-alaga ng lamok? Domesticated na ang lamok, feel at home pero wild pa rin sa pagfe-feeding frenzy sa akin. May dadaan sa harap ko, po-pompyangin ko, di ko naman nahuhuli. Sarap kaskasin ng balat ko. Hindi na nga ako maputi't makinis, ang dami pang pantal. Fotchang mga lamok yan, di pa mangamatay na lahat. Kailan ko kaya magigisnan ang isang mosquito-free world? Masyado bang utopian? Yung araw na di mo na kailangan gumamit ng Off Lotion sa loob ng bahay dahil gamit ko yun for outdoor activites at dahil ayoko ng feeling ng naglo-lotion? Di ko pa rin maunawaan ang kahalagahan ng eksistensya ng mga lamok sa mundo. Ayokong intindihin.

Anyway, ito na. March 14th 2008...

It was hard getting up at 11am when you've stayed up till 5am in the morning. I had to go to school for a few more stuffs before the concert [and that resolution still stuck in my head]. Got to school at exactly 1pm. Had a little chat with Lester who sat there at Rotonda before going to the office. There were only a few people when I got there but we had the meeting anyway. It was a memorable session. Kinda  sentimental, maybe because it's the end of the school year and some of us are already going their way to a bigger, brighter world outside school. Nothing much, just updates and progress of pending projects then sharing of memorable experiences in the pub, and then there. Later I found out that the Yearend Workshop will be postponed to a later date, giving me a chance to join them one last time. Hehehe Ayos. You have no idea how hard I've been praying for that. Hahahaha. I think they are still discussing where they want to hold the event. After the meeting, I stayed to hang our and discuss with them for a while and then went to meet with friends after and then went to the concert venue together. Ate Choy and some familiar faces were there too but hardly any seniors. Hehehe, they missed a lot!

You could tell me my work isn't nice and I wouldn't mind, but you didn't have to say I rushed it because I worked till morning on them for a few days. Just so you know, I don't need apologies, just telling you what i felt about what you said. Yun lang. Peace!

Anyway, so yeah. There I was sitting on the big red carpet laid on the floor below the stage where my Lourd will soon stand to share his craft. Waaah! Excited na ko. There we're peformances from talents within the school, raffles in between performances. I was there, sitting prettily on the floor. I screamed with Mannequin. Hahaha. Robert's performance always makes me wanna scream along with them. Hahaha. Ayos. There was this guy who would look at me smiling whenver I growled and scream with Mannequin. Mukha siguro kasi akong tanga. Hahaha. First up, Chilitees. I have heard of the name but it was my first time hearing and seeing them perform. It was pure chillout music. I was grooving and shaking and I was just sitting. Their performance was school. I remember that girl on stage. Saw her at the restroom earlier. She was doing her make up together with other girls and I remember just smiling at them. By the way, Alain, and Paul [who likes Chilitees] was there too, making fun of the performers and the audiences [who were dry as my skin during the performances prior to that of Sir Noel and RASP. Then Sir Noel Cabangon was next. As I've described him in one of my posts, his voice is cool-yet-so-warm. He sang every song heartily esp. that one song I was dying to hear. Told myself, " Just sing Kanlungan and I can die today." This was what I told my friend [oh, and he replied, adik ka hahaha] while we watched Sir Noel Cabangon's hearty performance. Then he strummed the guitar, and I went oh my gahawd. I was so happy, and touched that my heart sang with me. I so love that song. It brings back childhood memories, memories of love, my friends, my life, my dreams, my heartaches, my sentiments... Basta. That's how meaningful that song is to me. Well, not just me, I heard others talking about the song too, graduation song daw nila. Hehehe. Anyway, this is my favorite performance last night. And seriously, if I died after the concert, I would die happy.

A few more songs and there came the most awaited part of the night...

There I was, sitting at the frontmost part of the audience area. I could see RASP setting up as  Sir Noel was speaking before his last song. Lourd-sama would peep out from the dressing room every now and then. And I am psyched everytime I see him. Then they were ready and they came out. Whoa. Everyone went up front to get a good look at RASP, and take good pictures and videos, like myself. Then the party started. Ayos sa trip ang cellphone ko. Kung kailan lumabas ang RASP saka nag-empty battery. Good thing, Ate Choy has her phone and took videos with it and has a digicam. We decided to raid the dressing room after their performance. Panic. I had to look for something, anything in my bag for my Lourd to sign his autograph on. Then I saw my planner and scribbled on the March 14 cell: I met my Lourd again.

We were screaming and chanting with RASP. The Lourd I saw onstage was different from the Palad seminar. He gave off that charismatic, rebellious aura that makes you want to kneel down and worship him. It's not just enough to say that he rocked La Salle, it's better said as HE RULED LA SALLE. There I was, awestruck and starstruck all over again. Something about him, his talent, his angst, his beliefs, his advocacy, his personality makes him look so sexy. Waaah~ I remember staring at that mole on the right side of his nose. Hehe wala lang. And, oh, I love his beard and his goatee. He's so cool, nakaka-adik. Hahaha. To tell the truth, I'm not really a fan of RASP and I've never heard the name Lourd de Veyra before. I just know them collectively as Radioactive Sago Project but have never known the faces behind the music but meeting him at Palad, learning from him, he's now one of the very few people that I look up to. For some reason unfathomable, unreasonable and inexplicable by science, I am obsessing on my Lourd. Hahaha. Kept staring at the new autograph he signed for me. Ahaha. It says, in response to I met my Lourd again, Oh Yeah! Lourd plus his trademark smiley and some lines to some of the vacant calendar cells. Waaah! He's all I could speak of right now. Oh my Lourd, oh my Lourd~

Funny: I told my friend that Lourd and the guitarist looked a like, he said, they are brothers. Only got to confirm this when he introduced his bandmates and found out the guitarists name is Francis. Yeah. Also met him backstage and was to nice to allow me to take pictures with him. Awww...

So we raided the dressing room after the show took pictures withthe band and with my Lourd and Ate Gang. Chilitees already left so never mind, but, oh... I don't remember seeing Sir Noel there *sigh* I believe I have a lot of pictures because we borrowed ate Choy's digicam and then asked Kuya Dustin to take our pictures. I'm still waiting for them to post the pictures so you won't see any of it till then. Ahahaha. I was bouncy and giddy, because I was all excited and starstruck and to think that I don't even know them. Hahaha. Had this little talk with Ate Gand and invited us to the creative writing workshop she will conduct in prison every Wednesday this summer with inmates. And I am pretty excited because, if ever, it will be the first time that I will visit a prison and I love attending writing workshops, oh, and RockEd people are so cool.

It was already 11pm when we got out of the dressing room and went our way home. I had fun with friends. We were joking and teasing about what we would miss when it's time to [some are graduating, some are going away somewhere]. It was fun but kind of sad. This day was full of goodbyes. At some point, I felt like I have to say goodbye soon too. I know I have to, too, one day. We all have to move on from one phase of our life to another. At the end of every road, there's always a turning point. We all have to leave what we have now to become something else. We can only delay but can never avoid that time when we have to go, so we could grow, and to do that we have to, for the mean time, say goodbye.

Aww, senti... Pero I still have a few months, and making the most of the very little time I have left is one of those things that I do best. So, people...

WHEN'S OUR NEXT ADVENTURE? Hehehehe

Lourd de Veyra @ Palad [Part 3]

Lourd Ernest H. De Veyra
September 15, 2007
Palad Creative Writing Seminar - Workshop
CEAT AVR1

~Yay, last part. Sensya na talaga putul-putol. Sorry din kung uber late post hehe. Hindi naman ako sobrang labit kay panginoon, ano hah? Hehe. Coolness. Sayang. Sana pala sumama ako sa paghatid sa kanya nun pauwi. First time ko syang nakita nun at hindi ko talaga sya kilala pero sobrang starstruck at awestruck at naastigan talaga ako. Ayos. Hanggang sa muli...

Lourd de Veyra @ Palad [Part 2]

Lourd Ernest H. De Veyra
September 15, 2007
Palad Creative Writing Seminar - Workshop
CEAT AVR1

~Isa sa mga pinaka-astig na taong nakilala ko. hehe feeling close. nga pala, pasensya na putul-putol.

Lourd de Veyra @ Palad [Part 1]

Lourd Ernest H. De Veyra
September 15, 2007
Palad Creative Writing Seminar - Workshop
CEAT AVR1

~I am currently transcribing this but if you also want to do transcriptions, go ahead, basta give me a copy ah. thanks. nga pala, pasensya na putul-putol.

Wasak na Wasak

Let's look back on the last week of classes for academic year 2007 - 2008.

For most part of the week, I was just hanging around doing nothing [[because I am over the acceptance stage where I have admitted to myself that I won't be marching this March, there's nothing in this batch for me, THEY are just my classmates and can never be my friends, and we all have to move on after this. I have failed again and have to try again. After this, who knows what happens next? Brooding on the fucking stupid series of events is what I've been doing for the past few weeks or even months, I grew tired of it, and it's not doing me any good, as a matter of fact, it's not doing me really anything. Period.

Anyway, moving on...

       10th March 08

Been yielding to that self-induced pining since that day. Honesty is such a sin and intoxication is always a very good excuse. Quits lang. Yes, I mean it.

We just made tambay at the office today and went food tripping with friends before we went home. Hahaha. Ayos.

11th March 08

Saw Globe Telecom booths everywhere. They're giving out our La Salle SIMs today. Haha. I have my registration form with me today so I claimed mine right away. Weee, there was P20 free load. Nyahaha. Had a list of dates and activities for this week. Have finished most of what I need to do and still waiting for some more instructions. Surfed through the university's portal and saw the activity scheduled for Friday, SenioRock Mania. I have attended a few before this one so it was nothing new but there was something about it that excited, or perhaps the right word would be, psyched me: Radioactive Sago Project. I will meet my Lourd again. Ahahaha. Now, I have something good, other than my first major climb, to look forward to. I can't wait.

I can still feel that dull and steady pain in that muscle that pumps blood to my whole circulatory system. That sinking feeling, caused by my hypothalamus, has rendered me sleepless for a few night now. A feeling that, I thought, has long been put to sleep is now awakening and opening my eyes again. Tama ba: Isang damdaming inakala kong matagal nang nahimlay ay muli na namang gumigising at minulat ang aking mga mata? Pasensya na, baduy lang. Confounded, I could not pacify that silent shattering echoes from somewhere deep inside me. I inflicted the pain on myself and it's just right that I should be the one to take it away from myself, kill it or if not hide it somewhere on the back of our heads. Just like those bad memories, negative thoughts, bad experiences, we temporarily forget about them but they're being hidden somewhere within our brain, in gray matter, lurking in our subconscious and is brought back to us through our dreams... or something like that? Hehehe. Nevermind. I was trying to recall my General Psychology but can barely remember. I just wanted to make lovesickness sound weird. Hahaha. Anyway, that was it. I am still feeling weird due to some things of my own doing. Not that I feel bad, I was just confused. Ugh, nevermind.

12th March 08

Am getting more paranoid. I felt invisible and it was as if I am being judge for what I did. I have to give it to them that nobody spoke of it but hardly anybody spoke to me either. Now, it wasn't just a wall that's been keeping me away, it's like I am already inexistent. Feeling out place is one thing, but invisibility is another story. Oh, well...

Went with Chopsuey friends to claim their SIMs and then went to the pre-climb meeting. Before we got to the place, we, literally, stopped at every food stand we passed by, bought food and ate them. Malawakang foodtrip. It was only when we got there that one of us realized that her phone was missing together with her registration form, exam permit and new SIM card. It took some time before she came with the idea of where she lost them. So we had our meeting, there were slight changes due to some unexpected turnout of events. It's unbelievable how things change and how it changes us all. Anyway, so yeah, we have to regroup and talk of the changes, finalize plans, and went our own ways.

Two more nights and I will meet my Lourd again. Waaaaahh~

13th March 08

Still obsessing. But I finally came up with a solution that will permanently anaesthetize me from the sickness I've been suffering from for days. I know what is causing it, I know now what I fear and I know now how to stop it. This is not going to be for long. This will end soon. I know.

Saw this sci-fi anime with friends. May love story na naman. Fotcha. Salamat sa anime! Lalo akong na-lovesick. Tae.

Isang tulog na lang, then the big day. Woooh.

Okay mahaba na ang post na to. Sa next post naman yung continuation. Hahaha. Nyt!

One Last Time

I'll be walking down the memory lanes of loserdom one last time.

THEY are having their baccalaureate mass tomorrow, and I'll be going to school tomorrow. Not to see them but to drift on my bitterness, indulge on my own failure and pain one last time. Maybe after tomorrow, I can forget the bad memories, stop the negative feelings, and keep the good vibes flowing. After that one last time, maybe I can also move on. Tomorrow, more change is coming our way and we all just have to keep on moving on.

No matter what you've gone through, you can pick up the pieces move on with your life
'Cause we have to accept the wrongs and try to make them right
It may be hard to look at yourself and see the truth
You've got to realize it takes time to become you
So just get to moving on, moving on

Now, let's move on to my Wasak na Wasak post.                                                  .V..V.

Sagong nakaka-adik...

Alaala ng una naming pagkikita [15-Sep-07]

At nang siya'y nagbalik [14-Mar-08]

~ ang saya ng buhay, sana maulit muli hehe

BIG Letters

Nakita lang namin sa gilig ng MTH. San kaya ito ikakabit?

SenioRock Mania :: Kanlungan - Noel Cabangon

"Just sing Kanlungan and I can die today."

This was what I told my friend [oh, and he replied, adik ka hahaha] while we watched Sir Noel Cabangon's hearty performance. Then he strummed the guitar, and I went oh my gahawd. I was so happy, and touched that my heart sang with me.

I so love this song. It brings back childhood memories, memories of love, my friends, my life, my dreams, my heartaches, my sentiments... Basta. That's how meaningful this song is to me. Well, not just me, I heard others talking about the song too, graduation song daw nila. Hehehe. Anyway, this is my favorite performance last night. And seriously, if I died after the concert, I would die happy.

Pasesnsya na, that was me singing in the background. Sana nandoon kayo, sobrang maiinlove kayo sa kanta at mao-overwhelm sa response ng audience kahit konti lang kami. Sa mga di nakapunta, ang laki ng na-miss nyo. Hehe sorry na lang. Malay nyo may next time pa. Peace.

Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

Basagan ng Mukha :: Prequel to Wasak na Wasak

The most memorable last week of school...

Kinda senti ang staff meeting...

Borrowed a friend's backpack and I'll start packing for our first major climb...

I met my Lourd again...

Heard and seen the cool-yet-so-warm voice that is Noel Cabangon's *Yay, I took videos*...

Grooved with the chill-out party music of Chilitees...

Rocked and took pictures with Radioactive Sago Project and Ate Gang of Rock Ed, and had my Lourd sign me an autograph again *Waaah~ umalis ata agad si Sir Noel, sayang*...

Decided to lay a part of my heart to sleep, senti 'toh...

Laughtrip, foodtrip para walang badtrip, at kung anu-anopang memories...

A time to go and the time to grow...

Hehe, spoilers? Hahaha. Mamaya na tayo mag-kwentuhan pagkagising ko. Highlight lang yan ng next entry ko about the last week of school, March 10 - 14, 2008. I had to wait for my turn on the PC before I could use it kaya I ran out of time. It's already 3:30 in the morning and I don't want to stay up till 5am dahil when I wake up baka yung isa ko namang kapatid ang gumagamit. Hahaha.

Kangaetsuku... YOU!

Wala akong magawa. Wala akong maisip... IKAW lang. Kaya ang baduy ko na naman.

Sarap ng hapunan, ang bigat sa tyan. Hahaha.
Rakenrol bukas sa ULS.
Nanood ako ng Beyond the Clouds kasama si Paul at Rikichan.

Nakita KITA pero di ako tumingin.
Di ko kaya, baduy na naman ako.

Laughtrip kanina kasama ang mga Chopsuey.

Bakit IKAW, bihira ko nang makasama?

Humihirap ang mga bagay-bagay pag kinukumpleka.
Nagpraktis na ng graduation ang mga IT Pioneer, hindi ako kasama.
Huling araw na ng pasukan bukas.

Miss na kita.

Para talaga akong tanga.
WASAK! na ang balanse ng mundo ko.
Magulung-magulo.

Tapos na ang ibang problema pero
ginugulo MO ang isip ko.

Hindi ko mapapanood ang ending ng Marimar.
Eh, ang istoryang ito, ito na ba ang ending?

Iniintay kitang mag-online o
baka naman invisible KA lang?

Nakakaloko makatingin yung isa kong crush na ang buhok ay kasing haba ng akin.
Hahaha.

Kelan ko kaya makikita ulit nang harapan ang maamo mong mukha?

For some reason, parang nakita ko si Kawaii Boy kanina pero nung nilapitan ko.
Ang layo ng itsura, ibang tao pala.
Baka di makasama si Oniichan sa 28th.
Sayang naman.

Kelan kaya ako ulit makakalapit sa'yo na di MO sya kasama?

Holy week na next week.
Ano kaya ang trip namin?
Ang astig talaga ng The Legend.
Wala pa rin akong pera for Benguet; Ang saya, sweet sacrifice na talaga si Vlad.
Hehehe for the love of Pulag.
Mag-iipon na lang ulit ako at bibili ng bagong Vladymir.
Yung mas high-tech at mas maganda ang camera.
Paalam, Vlad ko.

May naisip na akong code name para SA'YO
pero di ko sasabihin kasi madaling mabuko.

Hahahaha.
O, sya. Ayoko na, tama na muna.

 ~ Paalam, patutulugin ko muna ang puso ko.

Losing now

I am more invisible today than I have ever been.

The silence speak for itself. Must be, maybe, I'm just paranoid. But things are better off this way. It's my fault anyway. I should try looking at it from another's point of view. But then again, pretending that something never existed won't kill it. It would only kill you the more you avoid it. It's there, I hid it, I set it aside but it's still there. Can't have them passing me judgement, I'll make the move, myself. I actually think, it's time to go. Should I say goodbye for now?

Is it a sin wanting to take back what would have been yours if you only had enough courage to take it for yourself when it was still free [for anyone] for the taking? Do we always get second chances? Can things you did be reverted? Can things you never did be undone? It's sickening how you have to go through the same thing over and over again at differents point in time but the story's all the same.

I'm hurting inside, dying within. You are killing me. I had all the pain I could endure, I can't pretend anymore. I don't know how I can face you now. I've had it with having to fake a smile. I've had it with feigning happiness for both of you, I've had it with losing what I love, giving way to someone else. I hate how I was so scared to lose you but was so much of a coward to take you in.

Ewan. I don't know what to think anymore. What to think of myself, what to think of what's happening, what to think of the people around. Baka gutom lang 'to? Ewan. Ewan. Ewan.

One thing I know, I want you so.

Kapit nang mahigpit.

Bago ang lahat, kunin nyo na ang mga DLSU-D SIMs nyo tapos text-text tayo, YEAH!!!

Pre-climb meeting tomorrow 5pm at Cantimbuhan residence.

SenioRock Mania on Thursday 5pm @ ULS. Performers include RadioActive Sago Project, Peryodiko, Chilitees, and Sinosikat. Waaah~ Si panginoong Lourd. Kailangan kong manood. Waaah! Press perks: free sa school events, backstage pass, interview at pa-picture sa performers. Oye!

HF Grand staff meeting at 1pm and then party later at Kuya Ros' place and SineMusiKalye at Mag:net Katipunan on Friday. Yeah!

Saturday.. Uhh, di pa sure pero alam ko may event nito. Hehe

Hindi naman ata tayo busy, ano hah?

Aww, gusto ko talagang sumama sa Yearend pero kailangan mamili kung Yearend o Induction. Sana talaga may milagrong mangyari kahit last minute tapos ma-move ang Yearend ng kahit mas maaga or later ng konti para makasama ako. I'm going up to Benguet and they're going to a resort somewhere down South either in Batangas or Laguna. Huhu, gusto ko talagang sumama. Aww kaya lang sabi nga, kung di talaga para sa'yo di talaga pwede. A-attend na rin ako ng staff meeting baka sakaling magkaron ng twist of fate. Nakakaiyak. First and last yearend workshop/party ko sa HF tapos di pa ako makakasama. O, hinde. Bakeeeeet!?

Hindi natin gigisingin ang natutulog.
Lulunurin natin sya sa lalim ng kanyang pagkakahimbing.
Aawitan ng oyayi, iduduyan sa saliw ng malamyos na hangin.
Ituturing ang bawat pangitain bilang panaginip
Hindi na muling magigising.
Hindi na muli...

Okay. Hindi ako okay. May mali, hindi ko maitama. May kulang, di ko mapunan. Naiwanan, maiiwan na naman ako. Lagi na lang ganito. Mabagal, mahina kahit alam mong tama at totoo. Kulang pa rin kahit umaapaw na pero wala pa rin akong magawa. Laging may nauuna, nauunahan ka, naiiwan. Di naman pwedeng naagaw sayo ang di naman naging iyo. Di naman pwedeng angkinin ang meron nang nagmamay-ari. Ang bagal mo kasi! Di pa patay, natutulog lang, pero kailangan nga bang gisingin? Nagugulo lang ang buhay nating lahat. Lahat nga ba tayo ay nagugulo o ako lang ang nanggugulo at nagugulo. Tae. Wala akong maintindihan sa sinasabi ko. Ano nga ba yung tinutukoy kong magulo? Ang mga pangyayari kamakailan lang? Mali. Hindi lang yun kundi ilan pang mga mga pagkakataon sa nakaraan na gumugulo sa akin ngayon. Sala-salabat, konektado, magkakaugnay. Truths and consequences, chain reactions, domino effect, if-else condition. Wala akong magawa kundi maguluhan. Pwede kong idamay ang mundo sa gulo ng isip at puso ko pero baka wala nang matirang maayos sa mundo. Ayoko na. Tama na muna. Gulo sa utak, sakit sa puso, sikip sa dibdib. Hahaha. Baduy.

Nakita ko na ang website ng Las Haciendas. Waaah~ One of my dream summer destinations. Yay, Pugadlawin Adventure Camp! Aaayain ko ang tropa dun one of these days. Yeeehah! Sayang baka hindi na talaga ako makasama sa Puerto Galera. Sayang talaga ang Convergys. Awwness. Hahaha makakapunta naman ako Subic. Yeah! Tapos siguro gala trips ako minsan sa Ocean Park. Hopefully, makapag-cosplay na ako sa Mangaholix since baka di ako makasama ng Ozine at kahit makasama ako baka hindi rin ako  maka-cosplay kasi ilang araw lang yun pagkababa. Enroll ng summer classes, aral ever. Aww, hindi pa pala ako nakakapagpakita sa Guidance. Hahaha. Iniisip ko pa kasi kung anung sasabihin ko in case na tanungin nya ako ng mga tanong na biglaan. Hindi ko pa rin nakukuha yung pina-recopy kong picture. Siyeeeht! Ang napakaganda ko ng picture.

Hindi na ito bago. One of my closest friends have been in this part of life where I am now. Ang sarap na mahirap. Kung pwede lang talaga, tatawagin ko ang Itchyworms at kakantahan ka namin ng *insert cute, famous and catchy song by the said band here* Hahaha. Thanks Sephi for talking with me about you-know-what, magulo ako eh.

Ang astig ng The Legend, yeah!

  Wenn Sie sich nochmal überlegen, damit ich bin... Ich denke, dass ich mich in Sie verliebe, wieder? Ich wünsche, dass ich Sie erzählen kann, aber ich bin auch erschrocken...Ich bin wirklich.

Akala ko naman naintindihan mo, pero just the same, ^THAT^ is about you.

SenioRock Mania

Start:	Mar 14, '08 5:00p
Location:	Ugnayang La Salle

Senior Mania Concert

Performances by: RadioActive Sago Project, Peryodiko, Chilitees, and Sinosikat.

Text-text! Nood tayo!

De La Salle University - Dasmariñas Mountaineering Society -- Major / Induction Climb

Start:	Mar 28, '08 6:00p
End:	Apr 1, '08
Location:	Benguet

~ Hopefully, this is, finally, it. 3 months in the making, 17 tulog na lang, tapos apat na araw na walang liguan. Yeah! Hahahaha

Mt. Pulag Traverse (via Babadac - Akiki Trail)

for more info, check out Erick's calendar.

Languish.

Magulo nga ba ang mundo o tayo lang ang gumugulo sa mga buhay natin?

Ang alak ay pwede nating tawaging veritaserum; Nasasabi natin ang mga bagay na di kayang mamutawi sa labi, nagagawa ang di kayang sadyaing gawin at [in my case] nagagawa ang di kayang sabihin. Maganda sigurong excuse ang pagkalasing para maging honest. Hindi man ako talagang nalasing, naisip kong iisipin lang ng mga tao na lasing ako kaya ko ginawa yun. Wala naman akong ginawang masama kundi ang maging tapat. Wala akong intensyong manakit o manloko. Nagkataon lang na yun ang pinakamagandang pagkakataon para maging totoo. Kung magkakaron ng pagkakataon, gagawin ko ulit yun dahil masaya ako at yun ang tunay kong nararamdaman. Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang ginawa ko pero naguguluhan lang ako ngayon. Bakit yun lang ginawa ko, nakahiram ako ng konting lakas na loob pero kulang pa rin. Pero there's so much more, I wanted to show.

I held him but not as tight as I would've have wanted.
I wanted to embrace him tight but I never has enough strength to do so.
I wanted to kiss him but never tried to break that wall that keeps him away from me.

Siguro, improvement na rin yung nakakilos ako para hawakan sya kahit hinyaan ko pa rin ang presenya ng mga tao na pigilan ako sa pagpapakatotoo. Wala na ang alak sa utak ko, bawi na rin ang puyat ko, siguro gutom lang ako. Ayokong tuluyang mag-give in sa pakiramdam na 'to dahil madalas na nangyayari ay nasasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko.

Ako naman talaga nauna kaya lang di ko sya inangkin. Hindi ako madaling maniwala sa mga tao, mga pakiramdam at mga nakikita ko kaya kahit nandyan na sya sa harap ko hindi ako naging agresibo. Hindi ako ganun.

Paningit: Ang mga taong may Blood Type O ay di bagay maging vegetarian dahil madami silang protein sa katawan at ang diet ay dapat composed of 80% Protein at 20% vegetable lang. Hahaha. Ayos. More excuse parang lumamon ng karne!

Unrequited love na naman ang drama ko ang masama nyan hindi ito isang isolated case. Madalas tong nangyayari sa akin at karaniwan, gaya ngayon, hindi lang sa isang tao. Hindi yun dahil salawahan ako o playgirl o malandi, pero ayoko lang talagang ma-stuck sa iisang sitwasyon at dun lang paikutin ang mundo ko. Saka malawak ang kakayahan kong magmahal. Sabi nga SPREAD THE LOVE. Hahaha.

Yay. Punta kaming Subic sa May. Libre ni Nikko. Hahahaha. Ayos!

Ang sarap ng KFC mushroom Soup sa almusal. Hahahaha.

Hindi ko alam ang mangyayari pagkatapos ng mga ginawa ko. Kung magkakagulo, ibig sabihin nanggulo ako ng buhay ng mgay buhay at ginulo ko ang buhay ko bilang resulta ng mga pangyayari. Kung magbabago ang ikot ng mundo, siguro magiging mas masaya ako kahit paano, kahit ngayon lang.

Panandaliang nawaglit ang isang taong hinahanap-hanap ko sa isip ko. Hindi kita buburahin sa isip ko kahit anung mangyayari. Hindi kita bibitawan, hindi ako bibitaw hanggang magkita tayo ulit. May iba man sa harap ko, naghihintay pa rin ako sa'yo...

♪♫♫♫♪

A good day to lose your lust for life; You live but merely exist.

It wasn't just grains of sand that I was letting slip but something bigger. I had the choice but I'll let it pass. I may never get the chance again but, maybe, I'll just think of it as something that wasn't meant for me. See, they called me again. This time, I did not answer the phone intentionally. Never even attempted to try and attend the appointment set for me. I was thinking of calling back but thinking of the right words to say is giving me headaches. Today is just like one of those days when I suddenly crave for something and then lose the appetite for it so suddenly too. Imagine how I survive with this unstable state of mind. My moods change with phases of the moon, affecting my focus and enthusiasm. How rational. You just find the drive to strive one day and lose it the other. You find this set of circumstances where you can grow, you seek approval without having to ask, get very little to none of it, ... Blah-blah. It's like fighting against the very thing you cry out for. Loving something without giving you heart. Parang ganun. Ewan.

I could use some divine intervention. Well, not that I don't believe that everyday's a miracle but, see, the force is just not with me today. I dunno where they are. Like, the light that followed me around, lately nowhere to be found. Weird.

We had plans for today but, as usual, some plans fail. At least these are the plans you can always reschedule and do again some other day. Wala. Nakakatamad ang araw na ito. Walang buhay. Walang sigla. Parang not enough vitamins.

Well, I have nothing much to write again today. Just thought I'd finish this post. I'm meeting some people to pass the work I've done today and go somehere right after. I'm a bit panicky actually. So much to do at the same time, too many people to meet after the other and their needs to attend to, I'm so late for my endeavors. Tinatawagan na nila ako sa cellphone. Tapusin na natin to. Hahaha

I guess I'd go now.

Ang ganda ng umaga...

loose connections [[of thoughts and feelings]]

Hurray for me. I am missing what may be the biggest stint of my life. I got this call from Convergys a few hours ago. I was briefly interviewed over the phone and was told that I have to meet them tomorrow for profiling. If I understand it right, it means I am already employed and they just have to document essential information about me before I could start. Nice. I really, really want to go there and take the job but, see, 1) I have to take summer classes, as my parents insist so, 2) I do not know how to get there. They told me where the I have to go, how to get there, markers to find the place but... It's just in Makati but I've never been to Makati alone, by myself before. I am geographically challenged, hahaha. That's why I like going to different places and bring other people with me because I  can't go  anywhere  farther than  Bacoor and Dasmariñas without company. Hehehe. I guess, I'll just call them and tell them about my little setbacks. I hope I get another chance. So what happens next?

HINDI KO ALAM!!! WAG NYO AKONG TANUNING! Fotcha.

Had this short chitty-chat on YM with Romerico, a highschool friend just a few minutes ago, I told him about my Convergys stint and he was joking and bragging about people "like us" just like good ol' days. Hahaha. Me, him and Ron and other people like us. Hehehe. What about those people? Wag na baka di kayanin ng powers nyo at di kayo maniwala. Hehehe. Basta. I miss those days, I miss those guys. My Modest people and Sir Greg. Highschool life, oh, my highschool life. Hahaha.

Something cool for everyone: Tips on wrting the perfect suicide letter. Hahaha. Check it here.

Oh, wait! another one. The actual suicide. Hahahaha.

The big day is coming. Wala pa rin akong pera for the climb tapos ang dami pa naming balak before that. Anu ba yan!? Excited ako na ewan. Tapos na finally ang "reconditioning". Pre-climb na lang, Land Nav, review tapos akyatan na. Hahaha, ewan ko ba.

YM status ko ngayon: Convergys... Waah~ at ilang tao na ang nag-react.
    1) Rosauro Veluz: kol senter ka?
    2) Gene Ramin Val: huwaw angas
        Gene Ramin Val: convergys
    3) Brat Prince: magwowork ka sa convergys?
    4) Romerico Verzonilla: meh.. for people like us.. its a walk in the park.. lol
    5) mac: convergys ka?
$___$ My friends have been telling me good things about Convergys and I'm kind of tempted to take the opportunity but even if I would hate to admit but I'm not really sure if I can work and study at the same time. But just think about the money I can earn, the trips I can fund, the techies I could buy with the moolah. Argh!  @___@

Yay, tapos na ang broadsheet! Almost done with my LS layout asignments and I'm starting with Palad and Alipato. I wasn't given assignments for Just Play so I'll just wait for further instructions. Waaah~ Naalala ko tuloy, hindi ako kasama sa Yearend. Di bale a-attend pa rin ako ng "Grand" staff meeting. Hahaha. Grand to kasi last na for this school year and last sem ko na with HF? Hehehe.

Sana nga matapos na ako this summer. Sayang ang mga opportunities.

Nga pala, I need your support. May sasalihan akong art competition kaya lang di pa ako nakakagawa ng entry. Don't worry moral support lang at di financial ang kailangan ko. Hahaha.

Usapang kiligan muna tayo. I'm eyeing on someone. I like him but at the same time I don't like him. First time that we met, I already thought he's cute but there are things about him that I like and things that I don't like. Just that. Nothing serious. I was with him today and I'm getting dreamy again; Stealing glances, imagining things. Weird because he's not the only one who makes me do that. Just my imagination. Weird.

Banda. Banda. Band. Band. Band.  YEAH!

Yay. March 15, CSO Org's night! I'm going with my Genshi-ningens. It's been a while since I last attended an event with them. Grabe. I remember those pre-HF and pre-DMS days, the Genshi-kubo/office/HQ was my sanctuary. Tamabay lang sa kubo, sa CSO, foodtrip sa 7-11,  sa Momo's, laro sa MB, attend ng events at conventions. Ang simple ng buhay. Napapabayaan ko na sila. Babawi ako, promise. Rabuuuh!

Ang dami ko na namang nakain. Grabe, lamon machine talaga ako lalo na pag pagod. Hahaha. At least tapos na. Packing mode na ulit. Yay! Oras na para magparinig. Hahaha.

Kailangan ko ng PEEERRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

Gunita

Isang tanong, isang sagot: Peak season ba ngayon ng mga lamok? At home sila sa dito ngayon. Eat all you can. Fotcha. Kung laman lang kinakain nila baka lasuk-lasok na ang laman ko ngayon. Gusto ko sila hulihin ng mano-mano. Hahaha. Gaya ng ginagawa ko pag naliligo ako. Pabubulain ko yung kamay ko tapos saka ko sila huhulihin ng kamay ko. Hahaha. Ayos. Tepok naman. Langya talaga.

Last day na ulit bukas ng training. Buti naman. Sakit na ng muscles ko lalo na kanina. Parang mapupunit, nag-aya pa sila ng sprint. Buti sana kung ganun yung kundisyon ko gaya ng nung first at second day na baka uber hyper pa ako. Hehe. Anyway, para din naman samin yun at buti nga wala nang time limit at twelve rounds na lang. Buti naman talaga. Yay, ilang tulog na lang, Pulag, here I come!

Kung nakita nyo lang ang nakita ko kanina, baka nawindang kayo. Hahaha. Medyo matagal ko rin di nakita si Kuya JP pero madalas ko syang ka-chat sa YM. Pambihira. Sobrang daldal nya gaya ng una ko syang nakilala pero ang mas malupit? Nakita ko syang nagsayaw ng Souljah Boy. Yung may "wammy" sa lyrics. Push your luck! Hahaha. Dinemo nya talaga at performance level. Hahaha. Ayos. 

Yay! Panahon na para balikan ang Makiling at oras na rin para makita na ang pinakaaasam naming Mudspring. Hahaha. Ayos. Tapos Flat Rocks ulit tapos kung susuwertihin baka makabisita sa Wildlife Rescue Center. Waaah! Excited na ako ulit. Ahoy. Tapos pagkatapos nun Talamitam naman. Hahaha. Sana lang may pera pa ako nun. Kamown.

Sayang, tumawag na yung mga in-apply-an kong call center kaya lang kailangan mag-Summer para "matapos" na. One last try tapos pag hindi pa rin, bahala na. Langya. Ganito nila ako kamahal, ayaw nila akong paalisin. Hahaha. LOL.

Suweeto. Nakaka... Uhh.. Gulat. Muntik na ako i-kiss ng isang tao kanina. Sweeter than usual nga sya lately. Hahaha. Swerte nya dahil hindi ako mahilig mag-take advantage sa mga ganyang sitwasyon kundi baka hindi lang kissu makuha nya... Pati hugs. Hahaha. Di ko sasabihin kung sino sya. Hula-hula na lang.

Ang saklap. Di ako makakasama sa Yearend Workshop ng HF. Last na pa naman ito. Hay, kapalaran. Bakit naman kasi natapat pa sa petsa ng akyatan. Ang saklap talaga. Sana may mangyaring milagro at mabasa ito ng mga kinauukulan at maawa sila sa akin tapos i-move nila yung date ng mas maaga o kaya later para makasama ako. WAAAH~ PARANG AWA NYO NA. LAST NA TO DAHIL MALAMANG NYAN WALA NA AKO NEXT SEM Unless... Isasama nyo pa rin ako sa Midyear Workshop next year. Hehehe.

Okay kailangan na ulit mag-impake. Sa wakas, tuluy na tuloy na ang Induction Climb na two months in the making. Miss ko na si Kuya! Shiawase-niichaaan! Hahaha. Well, wala pa rin akong pera para dun at kaya rin baka di na ako makasama sa Galera trips ng aking DotA Boys kasi wala talaga akong pagkukunan ng funding maliban na lang kung may mag-sponsor sa akin. Hahaha. Ang tanging bagay na kaya ko lang i-sacrifice ngayon na mejo may halaga pa ay ang cellphone ko at para sa Pulag ko lang sya kayang gawin. Di yun dahil sa mas mahal ko ang bundok kaysa sa mga kaibigan ko pero mas madali kasing makapunta ng Puerto Galera kahit mag-isa kaysa umakyat ng isang major climb na bundok nang mag-isa. Maiintindihan naman nila ako at pag hindi ako nakasama ngayon baka di na ako makaakyat dun kahit kailan o kaya matagalan pa. Sobrang gusto ko talagang umakyat, ika nga Passion ko na sya, kaya mas pipipiliin ko sya kaysa sa Yearend Workshop at Beach trips pero lahat sila ay gusto ko. Promise. 

Kaya sana talaga, mabago pa ang date ng Yearend. Onegaishimaaaasu!!

Yeah, summer. Hopefully, my last Summer in La Salle. Sana makaipon ako para madaming climbing trips at beach trips at camping trips, nature trip, food trip, trip to Jerusalem at kung anu-ano pang trips, wag lang badtrip ang ma-enjoy ko. Sana rin, kung matapos na rin ako sa wakas, ay makahiling ng bagong mga techies gaya ng cellphone at iPod? Hehehe. malay nyo naman?! A college degree na 5 and a half years in the making, hindi ba worthy yun ng reward? Dun na lang sa effort ng pananatiling buhay at matino ang pag-iisip, di ba? Ang hirap kaya nun. Hahaha.

Hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin sya. Parang dahan-dahang nawawala yung mukha nya sa isip ko pero di pa rin ako bumibitaw lalo na ngayong madalas ko makita yung mga tropa nya. Nabibigyan ako ng kahit konting pag-asa kahit minsan naiisip kong malabo na. Nabibigyan ako ng rason para kumanta ng mga awiting nagpapahayag ng lungkot, pangungulila, paghihintay, paghahanap at pag-asa dahil sa kanya. Kelan nga kaya kami ulti magkikita. Wala naman sa akin kung gaano katagal ako kailangang maghintay dahil gagawin ko yun hanggang ganito ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya pero minsan naghahanap ako ng tangible na symbol of hope na magkikita kamit ulit. Haaay... *sabay kanta ng Maghihintay Ako na theme song ng Atlantika*

Tulong! Ido-document ko ang Pulag climb namin. Gusto ko sana Feature form. Hehe kaya lang di talaga ako marunong ng ganung estilo sa pagsusulat. Di bale, pag-aaralan ko rin yan pero mas maganda kung may tulong, di ba? Hehehe.

Onga pala, magkakaron na ulit ako ng banda.

Okay, just a few microseconds ago, 2:26am na ngayon parang nag-shake ang computer table. Was it just me or lumindol talaga. Mejo natakot ako. Hehehe. Kala ko may kung anung entity na na gumagalaw sa ilalim ng PC. Hahaha. Que horror! Hehehe. Madalas kasi pag nakakaramdam ako ng lindol, nahihilo ako. Pag nangyayari yun, akala ko lagi gutom lang ako kaya ako nahihilo yun pala umuuga na ang mundo. Hahaha. Ang pinakanakakatakot pa nyan, nung HS ako, nasa chapel kami tapos nun pa lumindol, habang nagdadasala kami. Feeling ragnarok, armageddon, end of the world na. Hahaha. Mailigtas sana tayong lahat.

Maikwento ko lang, ang weird ng panaginip ko kaninang umaga. Sobra sigurong kale-layout pati sa panaginip nagle-layout ako tapos yung panaginip ko pa ay may kakaibang storyline. Weird. Basta. Di ko ma-explain kasi di ko masyadong maalala pero ang alam ko lang weird talaga sya. Ayos na naman kasi tapos na yung volume 4 ng broadsheet for this year tapos isa na lang tapos malapit na rin matapos ang magazine. Hay, buti naman. Hehehe. I wanted to stay longer [chos!] pero ganun talaga. Last project ko na to sa pub at sobrang thankful ako at nabigyan ako ng gantong pagkakataon sa huling taon ko sa kolehiyo kahit di ako makakasabay sa marcha ngayong March. Di bale, sasabay ako next year tapos magma-marcha ako ng bongang-bonga. Hahahaha.

Okay, puyat na naman ako at malamang-lamang mahaba-haba ang tulog ko kasi mejo masakit pa ang katawan ko tapos takbuhan ulit mamaya. One last time. Yey!

Bago ko kayo tulugan, mag-iiwan lang ako ng mensahe para sa lahat: Lahat kayo, pati yung mga etchoserang frogs kong mga classmate ay nagkaron ng malaking bahagi sa buhay ko kaya ako ganito ngayon at bakit nandito pa rin ako. Gusto ko lang malaman nyo na hindi ko kayo makakalimutan lalo na yung mga nagpasama ng loob ko [magtago na kayo dahil babalikan ko kayo, mga taran--tula. ulul!] Dadalin ko lahat ng naitulong at naituro nyo sa akin [lalo na ang mga kasalanan nyo sa 'kin] saan man ako magpunta. Babaunin ko ang mga alaala sa pagtulog ko ngayong gabi. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang mag-drama. Mahal ko kayo lalo na yung mga friends ko sa BCS110307, Genshiken, Heraldo Filipino, DLSU-DMS pati sa ibang organisasyon peti yung mga friends kong karaniwang tao. Hahaha lalo na yung mga kumalimot sa akin at mga kinalimutan ko. Hahaha. Salamat sa lahat, for the good and [mostly] the bad. Salamat sa lahat. Thank you at good night ot good morning kasi umaga na.

YOSH!

Infested

Siyeeeht.

Ang daming lamok!

Kamot. Kamot.

Somnio. Somnium.

Ipikit ang mga mata
Paliparin ang diwa

Gising magdamag
Wag lang didilat
Di ka mapupuyat
 
Iwanan ang katawan
Kamalayan lang ang kailangan
Tayo'y maglalakbay
Sa hangin sasabay

Lumilipad
Dito sa isang sulok
Nilalamok

Buksan ang isipan
Paghinga'y pigilan
Magpumiglas
Bumitiw, kumalas

Pumikit. Umidlip.
Umaga'y sisilip.
Bumangon, humulagpos
Panaginip ay matatapos.

hari nawa'y makabalik na ako sa pagguhit at pagpinta. patuloy akong gagawa ng mga awit at tula. pero sa ngayon, tulog muna. hehe

p.s. walang nakawan ng tula ah. ang magkamali tigok.

Kahit Paano...

Tapos na ang gulo.










Now, I need a haircut.










Weee~ Gupit-gupit-gupit!









Mga problema mo'y mawawaglit.









Siyeeeht. Ang lufet.

Chibi-fied.

Had Norman draw this for me on-the spot and I colored it right away. Hehehehe.

Honto ni arigato, Norms!

A Life of Drive and Purpose

Got this message a few nights ago, while I was staring at my ceiling deep in thought:

So much for sanity, happiness and even peace of mind. You don't deserve it, at least, not while you're still with me. You don't always have a choice but be with me. I'm the only one you have have. Your dreams and fantasies can only distract you for a while and lighten the blows but cannot save you. I will never leave you. I'll be with you before you go to sleep and whenever you wake up. I am the only one who will stay with you when all else is gone. I am wherever you are. You cannot escape.

Yours forever,
Reality

One disappointment after the other. They just keep on coming. I've cried all I could and ran out of it. My body has become numb but my brain is still wrecking with the blows. No more turf that I could claim as my own. I've been stripped of pride, left with so little dignity, and confidence died out, killed the very liitle faith I have left, long time ago. I'm as good as dead. Where do you go, what happens when you've exceeded the quota of defeat? 

I've been asking, "What do you want me to do? Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko?" Pointing the question to nobody in particular. I got no answers yet. No signs, no distant voices calling, no nothing. We always say that when [our] plans fail, there's always a bigger plan, bigger things coming for us. But, look, I don't see any of it. I've fallen, I've been lost, I've been out of direction, and I can't see any light. I don't hear answers. We speak of purposes without knowing them exactly, just believing our purposes exist. I could've choses a different path, I could be somewhere else right now, doing something else but I still chose to be here because I believed I was called here for something. Five years in school, twenty-one years alive, I've done so much, so much happened to me, changed me through the years, kept me up a few hundred months, kept me alive for a few thousand days but still doesn't give light to that shadow that clouds our existence. Purpose. Fate. Destiny. Doom? You choose what you want to call it.

We say we write our own destiny, but the end ofthe day, we realize that we only follow where our lives take us. Parang computer simulation ang buhay, governed by a thousand Nested If-Else Statements, whatever we do, whatever choice we make, meron nang default or meron nang simulated na results. IF we do this THEN this happens, ELSE IF if ganito naman THEN ito ang mangyayari, ELSE wala kang choice, this is where you end up END-ing the loop. Am I making sense? Bahala ka nang umintindi.

I said I wanted to stay, but didn't imagine it to be like this. If it was just me, I don't really mind but I still have others to think about, and what they think to think about. It wouldn't really make any difference to think about what they think but, well, yeah, I have to think of them too. Now, who truly has a choice? No one. I have a lot of time but do not own it. I do not really have anything at hand. How do  break the news? Break it down. I just wish I could keep my calm. Sana sapat na ang naisip kong paraan. Heavens, help me.

Maybe, I've reached turning point. Things will [should] start to change here. Sabi nga sa quote that I've read, Graduation is just a concept. Everyday is a graduation. Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan, we grow with every difficulty, with every difficult people we meet on the way. If this is a way of growth, siguro full grown na ako. We just get to, keep on moving on. Paano? Ganito. Yun na yun. Sabi ng Spice Girls, caught in a craze, it's just a phase. Sabi ni Yoh Asakura, maaayos din ang lahat. Gusto mo ng gulo? Pasukin mo ang isip ko. Hahaha, oo, Bamboo, nakinig ako sa'yo. Sabi ni JP-sama, don't think you have it bad when others have it worse. Sabi ni Shiawase-niichan, it's all about the dash. Sabi ko naman, sige, ako'y makikinig na lang. Kamown.

Let your mind wander. Isip bitaw. Sa sobrang gulo, isip ko'y mistulang kaluluwang ligaw. Malay nyo naman, may isa ngang malaking role ako na dapat gampanan kaya nandito pa rin ako. Malay nyo. Malay ko. Malay natin. Malaysia. LOL. Bading. Naalala ko tuloy yung kinanta ng DLSU-D Choral na Sino ang Bading. Wala lang.

Sige, isa pa. One last time, pag hindi talaga umobra. Hindi ko na itutuloy. Tatapusin ko na to. I will move on with or without graduation. Bahala na. Madami namang nagtatagumpay kahit di graduate eh. Tapang noh? Bluff lang yan. Bahala na talaga. Come what may and then we just move on.

Astrally disturbed ako ngayon pero kahit anong mangyayari, tutuloy ako sa Pulag. Sasama ako. Bagyo lang ang pwedeng pumigil sa akin. Takbuhan na ulit bukas. 

Bukas na ang Manila Ocean Park. Tara, samahan nyo ako! Dali.

O, ayos ba? Wala naman nalinawan. Walang tanung na nasagot sa entry na to. Kelangan ko lang ng outlet. Shine-share ko lang ang gulo ko para pare-pareho tayong maguluhan. Gulong taglish. Ayos. Balitaan na lang tayo kayo kung anung mangyayari. Sa akin, sa buhay ko, sa isip kong gulung-gulo at sa kugn anu-anong ano at kuwan. Hahahaha. Paalam.

In pieces

Wake me up when it's over

After the ending

When the damage has all been done

I don't wanna be somewhere

Where you can watch me 

As I bleed

Just leave me here



In pieces