All Good Now

I feel good (tereret-tereret) I know that I would. Hahaha. Well, I do feel good. I feel better, a whole LOT better. I dunno. I just had enough sleep the other night [ohayou na po!], I had enough protein to keep my head working straight [I'm a carnivora, grrr.. yum], I stopped myself from stress-eating again yesterday [mind over matter], I saw Shiawase-niichan before going to class and he even waved and smiled at me. ANG SAYA!!! Ahoho.. Wala lang. Don't mind me, I'm just being my usual addictive and obsessive self. Ahihi.. Then his friend added me on Friendster, I think his friend likes me. Hahaha. Okay, okay. Makapal ang mukha ko. Hahaha. 'Wag kayong KJ. I just feel like it today. Finally got to hangout with my Genshiken friends again today after class. Na-miss ko ang Tambay Committee. Got my grade for VB.net, konti na lang pasado na but I don't feel bad. I woke up happy today and I love how that soap I'm using feels on my face. Ang ganda! Lactomelli. Haha. That fish game, Fish Tycoon, that Madel sent me during Retreat's been keeping me busy. It's so hard to breed and keep them alive, darn fishes! Ahaha... Have you seen the moon tonight? It's so round, and full and pretty.. Like me? Ahahaha. Oh, well...

GAs tomorrow, CLA and CBA. Which one will I go to? Hmm... My friends, Mannequin, will be playing at CBA and so is Lakbay Lahi, which means Rak-en-Rol na naman. CBA tayo! Ahaha. I also heard Chicosci and Hilera will be at the CBA GA. Hmm.. Bakit lagi na lang bigtime ang CBA and CET? Bakit ang COS... Ehehe.. Betsuni, minnasan. Wala lang. Hahaha. Maybe I'm just not-so active. Hehe. Oh, well...

I am facing another situation where I have to choose between two different things that I both love but this time. There isn't much difficulty since I know what will benefit me more. You see, it's between a physical activity and creative agency or something like that. Hehe. I mean, if I choose that one which will help me boost my creativity and give me new ideas, and open up new windows of inspiration for my future work but I choose the other one, I will have what I have deprived my self of since I last had my last PE class, a proper, full exercise. I want both but since they will happen at the same day, I have no other choice but choose. I choose... EXERCISE/ Physical Training. Hehe. Yeah, I know the consequence: Sores and aches all over but I will need that for my future adventures and expeditions. Well, physical/ outdoor adventures and expeditions that is. They are both about adventures and expeditions but one is that of the mind, the other of the body. I don't need to go far if I wanted to let my mind wander, I do that everyday. You have no idea how far I can go; I reach places where time and space doesn't exist. I've been through a hell lot of larking, crossing one world after the other, ever since I learned to imagine, I learned to think, and that has been like... Forever. Hehe. And I can make my mind work even in the great outdoors. Oh, yeah. I'm feeling it. Feel na feel ko na ang pagiging outdoor person. Sana lang ma-carry ko talaga all the way at saka para din maiba naman. Woohoo! Oh, yeah!

I have overeaten again today. Oh no. Hehe, you know what happens next. Wahaha. Wala lang. It's like a disguised stress-eating. Oh no, talaga. You see, look at me today, I've always been a chubby, healthy person but not as big as I am today. I have been a stress-eater these past two or three years [mostly out of depression and frustration] that's why I can't wear the clothes I used to wear. You see me wearing almost the same thing every other Wash day Wednesday since they're the only ones that would fit me now. I still have lots in my closet but they're too small now but I have no plans of giving them away [though I gave some of those that I lost liking for to my cousins months ago] because I'm still hoping that there will come a time when I can wear them again, gain the sense of style that weight-gain [my cheeks, my belly, my flabs, oh.my.blubber] stole from me and I hope that I won't be too affected by things and other people anymore so I wouldn't have to stress-eat again [esp. my favorite anti-stressor Jollibee Chicken Joy flooding with gravy, *drools* hehe].

Yay, I saw Kong on my way home today. Haha. He's with a new girl [pa'no na ko? hehe] and he has short hair now though he's still that kawaii half-Korean, Vaness Wu look alike that I've known him to be. It's funny, we didn't recognize each other, our eyes met and only after a few microseconds when we realized. Hahaha. Nasabi ko na lang, "O, nagpagupit ka na ah?!", he replied, "O' nga eh". Haha. And we were talking while walking at opposite directions. I forgot the other things he said but I was just glad I saw him. Miss ko na 'yun eh. Aiyeeeh! Sayang he didn't make it to my birthday, reunion galore sana kami ng Veiled in Shadows except for Bryan kasi nga he's in Japan. I saw din na he's in school again, sayang lang 'di na kami schoolmates. Si *bitchy Anna Leah Javier look-alike ex-girlfriend nya* kasi!?! That *toot*!? Hahaha. Well, I'm just glad it's over na between them and he looks pretty fine now. Can't wait to see Veiled in Shadows [uyy, kami 'yon ah?!] get back together again, kahit jamming lang, hopefully after thesis. Good luck sa 'min.

Well? Dito na nagtatapos ang isa na namang madamdaming tagpo sa blog ni Levy Eiva. And now? Wala lang. Magsitulog na tayong lahat. Haha. Baka patay na ang fishes ko. Hehe. Yay, malapit na birthday ni Shiawase-niichan, gagawan ko sya ng birthday poster gaya nung ginawa ko for one of my friends. Aiyeeeh! Ang sayaaaaaaaah!!!

 Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality

DAISUKI, My Shiawase...

Could you possibly be aware that I am thinking of you? That I like you? Do you know from the beginning that I wrote those melodramatic things about you? I hope you don't mind me obsessing on you. Hehehe. I just like you a lot [daisuki! daisuki!] even from the first time my friend introduced me to you. You may not remember but that is something special to me. That's when I started loving that sweet smile of yours. Well, I'm not hoping to be your girlfriend or anything. I'm just glad we met and I can say we're friends though we're not close, though we hardly talk and see each other. I'm just happy you became part of my life and I hope I'm part of yours too. Wala lang. Kita-kits na lang sa school!

  Something is so attractive about him but at the same time something about him scares me. I imagined talking to him to be another kilig-of-a-lifetime moment but it became something like staring death in the eyes. His darkness, his mystery overwhelms me. He is nothing I've ever prepared myself for, out of my league. Fear of him strikes me but all the more I want to get close. I've always wanted to meet someone like him. I want to get to know him more. And I will, you know I have my ways.. [[--Dunkelheit von seiner Seele, leigs--]]

I knew I needed a break but I never thought I'd need it so soon. I intentionally and deliberately skipped school today. I was looking at my academic calendar, the scheduled events and activities in my date note, everything I have to get done, everything I have to pay for, everything that will keep me busy this semester. I'm getting too intense over things before they even happen [accdg. to Friendster Horoscope: your active subconscious jumps in and tries to hijack your mind]. Talk about being 'futuristic'. Preoccupation overload. Good thing I decided last night not to go to school today; With all the apprehension, frustration, stress, mental burnout... I would've been a mess. Add to that, I was thinking of... Yeah, him. Haha. It would've been a lot easier to go through all of these knowing the one you care for cares for you too, kahit imaginarily lang, neh? Oniisaaan! Hehehe.

Friendster Horoscope for July 30, 2007. Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22) Concentration is a skill that you're still trying to master when it comes to a certain challenging task, and the good news is that today you will get the opportunity to have one more lesson. It might sound contradictory, but if you can just be prepared for your mind to wander, you will be able to maintain all the focus that you will need. When you get too intense on just one thing, that's when your active subconscious jumps in and tries to hijack your mind. Relax, and you'll stay on point.

I feel better now but I'm hoping for better things tomorrow and the coming days. I dunno but I was so stressed this afternoon, I almost cried hearing Tonight, Tonigh, Tonight playing on TV. My stupid cellphone is one of the many things that gave me too much stress. I wouldn't wonder if someone will tell me I look like I'm 21 already. Well, I am 21 but I like it when people think I look younger than I really am, that's probably because of the way I handle stress but when things get out of hand, I go berserk, I become panicky, I get stressed, I look haggard. And who wants that, neh? And I don't really mind getting stuck at looking 18. Bleh!


Dry spell. That's why I'm always icky and sweaty and... Smelly? Hehehe...

  Sooner or later when the dust is clear... The sun comes out, you're still 
 here... Look at what you've found... It's all good now 
 [[all.good.now.sheila.mccarthy]]

Retreat '07

DLSU-D B. S. Information Technology (2004 - 2008)
4th Year, Section 3 [Pioneers]
Retreat @ Angels' Hills Tagaytay City
July 26 - 27, 2007

Photo Courtesy of Cherry Ramirez

Tadaima!!

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. -- Albert Einstein

Got back from Retreat  at 3pm. I stayed in the office and did some layouting for the first issue. Well, the Retreat was, for most part, enjoyable. Haha. Esp. the "party people". Woooh! Actually they call themselves "beggars". They are boys from our block who came raving into our room last night in search for food. Why "party people"? Well, their way of entry was like that of hardcore party animals. Haha. You shoulve seen them. They were throwing their hands up in the air, dancing, and marching in a straigh line. Haha. Laugh trip! Too late nga lang. They came after we finished our stock of Piattos and Pringles. Actually, I saved my other Pringles for home consumption. I love eating them while chilling, bumming the night away. Also, I had a fun night of girl talk and camwhoring. Could you imagine? Me? Girl talk? Hello?! I was stucked in a room full of kikays, sharing things about fashion and their lovelives. Haha. I was more of the listener than the talker last night. For one, there's nothing much about me to tell [eek.. too girly!] and second, I was reading my Phantom of the Opera, and finally finished it! Yay for me!!! I overpacked again; Like the other Recollection/Retreats I had, I brought more clothes than I should have. My back still hurts. Haha. Joke. Weeeh! I love that Mushroom soup that we had for lunch. Yum. But, Oh.. What a bummer! The "cold war" issue was never brought up. Hehe. Boring. No actual need for opening up the topic. The atmosphere was plain cold and being the "tropical person", I almost died of hypothermia. Haha. Despite the on-going cold war, they, unexpectedly wrote me a letter. I never wrote anybody a letter [sorry, too sleepy. the place is so cozy, I love it.] and I never expected to recieve any or atleast not from them. In the end, no closure was establish and I guess that's it and I don't really care. Not only because I'm being heartless to those vile creatures but also because it's not really my war. My involvement is only a part of a bigger picture and I have more important things to think about. We all have our dark sides, and I just happen to be in good touch with mine. Goodluck na lang sa kanila.

 Ako ang iyong konsensya!

Etchos about the photo: Ayos sa trip! I forgot what we were talking about but it was something about idols and look-alikes then he got this idea from a Safeguard TV ad. Haha. Laugh trip. (*Pau: "Ako ako iyong konsensya pero mas makapal ang buhok ko." Ken: Ah, ok.*) By the way, before we took this picture, I caught him "digging his brain through his nose* Haha.. Laugh trip na naman. XP

 Eclipse

man·da·la n. Any of various ritualistic geometric designs symbolic of the universe, used in Hinduism and Buddhism as an aid to meditation.

This is my mandala. Something we did during retreat. Wala lang. We were asked to make a symbol that will represent something about the realizations we had. I just thought of the Eclipse. I'm not sure if I made any sense but I said something about the moon, like us, have a dark side. And the mystery of the dark side of the moon is not yet unveiled but with the eclipse we learn to appreciate that dark side. Well, something like that. Haha.

 How would L eat Pringles? Me and Maric at the bus on the way to the Retreat House.

Something wretched happened while I was writing this post last night. I wrote this Friday night but had to stop and Saturday na ngayon. The keyboard and mouse just, so suddenly, stopped. I nearly lost my temper. And it's not a good thing when I lose my temper. I destroyed quite a number of things in our house, particularly my room, because I lost my temper. The heck!? I started hitting my hand on the wretched keyboard and slamming the wretched mouse but it won't work. I did every little thing I know to make the wretched hardwares to work. Thank heaven, after about 10 minutes of trying to overcome the wretchedness of things, I made the wretched keyboard work and found out what's wrong with that wretched mouse. So I solved the wretched problem. Now when I went to my room to charge my phone, the wretched charger won't work. I was like, what the heck on earth is happening? I started throwing the wretched charger against the wall. But the wretched things just won't work. My phone's battery is almost dead. I tried again this after but it still doesn't work. Man, mood killers! I wish I can rid the world of them. SHIMATTA!!!

He did it again. Who's he? He who? Who he? Haha.. I wrote about him and he read it again. This time I'm clueless. My theory is quite wrong. Ahihi.. Well, I don't really care about theories. I like him a lot and and I think it's good if he finds out. Kapalan na lang siguro ng mukha, hehe.. If he reads this again, well, Hi, Kuya! Thanks for reading! .^___^.

I think I missed an event today. The others told me yesterday that there is an event today and asked if I'm going,  they never told me right away, how should I know? Makes me think.. Hmm.. Wala lang. Hehe..

What now? Wala na 'kong maisip.

Your life is an island separated from all other islands and continents. Regardless of how many boats you send to other shores or how many ships arrive upon your shores, you yourself are an island separated by its own pains, secluded in its happiness -- Kahlil Gibran                                                         

Yuushin ::: Dashing Forward Bravely

Finally met Romi Garduce, got his autograph, got a photo with him. He was the only one there and not the whole Everest team. They fetched him during his lunch break. Thanks to Andrew, a HF Photo Staff, I have a hi-res photo with him and of him and I'll post it as soon as I get to copy it when he uploads it. I have a few here in my phone with which you'll have to settle for now. But wait, that's not all!!! Ahaha! Didn't I say today's gonna be a happy day? Of course, it's been. I never thought it would ever be possible but it was. I did it, it's the first time but I bet this won't be the last. Ahoho! I asked Shiawase-niichan if I could take his picture and he said yes and even smiled and joke about asking him his autograph. Hehe, why not?! Ahahaha! Again, thanks to Andrew for lending me his camera! Aiyeee! Happiness! Nanka shiawase! Matamata!

To the top.

Well, oh, well.. The news about my friend's sickness was exaggerated. Thank heavens! He just had a check up and found out that he had fats covering his heart that makes him tired easily and sometimes giving him hard time breathing. He was adviced to jog and exercise and go dieting, and he's not allowed to drink alcohol anymore. Haha. Wawang lasenggero! I was glad when I saw that he was well, I even joked about him being still alive. Haha. Well, that's how we are. Haha, laughtrip. It's been a while since I last went to hangout with my BCS friends, most of them are former BCS' now. We were together this afternoon and we went home together. My friend gave us a lift home, and I had a fine nap inside the car, thanks to the flow of traffic. I started my day being sleepy. I was thinking too much last night I didn't get to sleep much. My friends thought I was just sad when I came to school. Maybe I didn't look too fine but it's really nothing. I was just sleepy, REALLY sleepy. I'm almost done with reading my Phantom of the Opera. after then, I can finally start digging for another book to read in the school library. Man, I haven't been in the school library for a while. The last time I was there was... Well, I can't remember. Doesn't matter. I'll be back there anyway.

I've decided, I can never be as sure as I am now. Todo na, paninindigan ko na 'to. I'm gonna be a climber, a trekker, an outdoor person. Save up, save up. Work out, work out. Oh, yeah! It's just like what Garduch-sama said this afternoon... Well... I forgot what he exactly said but I'm going to give Mountaineering a GO [I'm a fighting dreamer]. Kung ka-career-in ko or not, well.. We'll see when I get there. It's about time anyway. I've been a homebody since birth and the world ahead, outside, is calling for me. I wanted to go to faraway places but I've never really done any traveling. Everything I heard from Garduch-sama gave me push on pursuing my exploration of unchartered territory and satisfy my wanderlust. I just one itsy-bit of problem, time management [And, oh, My finances. Hehe..]. I hardly manage to juggle my time between Genshiken and HF, now there'll be DMS. Aiyeeeh! I want them, I love them all or else I wouldn't waste my time and energy trying to be there, doing what I am supposed and asked to do.  I just hope hey won't make me choose. I know what I will choose, having to make a choice, I will stick with it. I am for Happiness. I believe happiness is for me. What do people really want? What do I want? I want what all people wants, to be happy and have happiness. Ahihi... Sa'n ka pa? Adik kay.. Si... Ahh... Waah.. Si..! Ahaha! Sabi nga ng friend ko kanina, "College has been the best five years of my life [Pareho kaming overstaying na sa college, malapit nang ma-deport. Hehe]", Sasabihin  ko naman sa inyo ngayon, "Having meet him *ehem* and you my friends have made my 5-year college overstay has been worth all the stay"... ECHOS!!! Five years... Uhm.. I'm reminded of that Sugar Hiccup song about someone having been waited for five years but never came back. How sad! But, hey, it's got nothing to do with how I'm feeling right now. I just thought of the five years I've been in studying. What if I'd have to stay another year. There are lots of reason to stay but it's not like my schooling will be paid for by those who's been paying for it for me since I started. What if I still want to stay? What if I meant to stay for another year? Or more than a year? What if I start working part time next sem? Or what if I start now? Hmm.. Makes me think.. If I don't graduate on March 2008, I will not get the title of IT Pioneer of DLSU-D. But who cares about titles? I mean, my other friends/people I know have been in school more than half a decade and they're enjoying their college life. What if I also want that kind life? Hakuna Matata. Some of them work for themselves, I can do that too. I can make another resolve like when I applied for HF, only this time it's about staying. Even if I don't make it to March 2008, I'll keep fighting. If they won't pay for me anymore, I will pay for myself. I will live my life to the fullest extent, like I always do. I will take every opportunity that comes my way and I will make the best of it. But if I do make it, I will never stop in my pursuit of pure happiness, satisfaction, comfort, full life and love. This is my resolve. O, 'di ba SOLVE?! Hehe..

I refuse to think about it but it feels like I'm losing this particular place in people's lives that I always thought would always be mine. I dunno. I'm not letting it get me since most of my anxiety starts in my head. I think too much. It's in the hypothalamus, I know but.. Well, I'm not in the mood for feeling left out and out-of-place because I'm too happy to feels sad right now. This is a happy day. These will be my happy days. I'm happy and I hope this idea won't get in the way of my being happy. Ureshii wa!!!

I forgot, madami nang nagrereklamo sa liit ng font ko. 'Sensya na. 'Di bale 'pag nagpalit na ko ng template. Hehe.. Ja!

The space for *fill-in-the-blank* will be empty for now. I will keep my feelings in a shoe box and bury it underground for the moment. If he realizes that what's inside that box is meant for him and digs it up for himself and I will very happy. But if he doesn't, I guess I will have to be happy for him.

I'll be gone for two days, Retreat mode. Would I come back reformed? Nyaaah! I doubt. Haha. See you all next week!

I want to see where the sirens sing
Hear how the wolves howl
Sail the dead calm waters of the Pacific

Dance in the fields of coral
Be blinded by the white
Discover the deepest jungle

I want to find The Secret Path
A bird delivered into my heart, so

It's not the end
Not the kingdom come
It is the journey that matters, the distant wanderer
Call of the wild
In me forever and ever and ever forever
Wanderlust

I want to love by the Blue Lagoon
Kiss under the waning moon
Straying, claiming my place in this mortal coil

Riding the dolphins
Asking the mountains
Dreaming Alaska
The Earth can have but Earth

Look into my eyes and see the wanderer
See the mirrors of a wolf behold the pathfinder
[[wanderlust.nightwish]]

Kashin ::: Happy Day

Yay! Romi Garduce and the Everest Team will be in DLSU-D tomorrow afternoon for an orientation seminar. I'll be there to see him and hopefully get to take a picture with him. AYOS! I'll definitely not miss that chance. Banzai!!!

I am really worried. I heard my friend Wilbert was sent to the hospital yesterday because of something involving his heart. I have no idea. I've never known him to have any kind of sickness esp. something coronary. God forbid that something bad happens to him. I don't mean to think negatively but anything could happen. I already texted him but got no reply yet. Not sure yet what happened to him but it's really scary. I mean, he's just my age and I remember my cousin telling me the news of our neighbors in Lucena, who is younger than I am and my friend 'cause he's my age, who died just last year because of a heart ailment, heart attack, I think. I don't think I can bear just the thought of losing a friend, esp. when he's one of those friends closer to me than my real brothers. We've been through an aweful lot all these four, almost five years that I've known him. God forbid it. Keep him safe. Get well soon, dude!!!

Cute kami? We know.

Today is a happy day. Weeeh! Why? Well, a lot of things made me happy today. I saw my Happiness, I got to talk to him. Plus Erick gave me a copy of their, Ugong, recording. I asked why he wasn't there during Suvasa, wawa, he said he went for a check up. Dami atang nagkakasakit ngayon. Today ia one of my hyperactive days. Ang saya! Aiyeeh! Hahaha.

Ahihi.. Retreat on Thursday.. I bet this is gonna be fun.

Well, a lot of great and happy things are waiting for me tomorrow. Haaay, sige..

    OYASUMINASAI   

Night of the Dreamy-Eyed Child

You should have seen what my eyes have seen; I could imagine him smiling that smile he smiled, he smiled for me. The child within him smiled, his eyes glittered with the brightest star in the sky that night. Oh, no. He is the night, the night is his and his eyes were the stars. I could still remember the weight of his hands when he tapped my shoulder to greet me. They were heavy but gentle. The palm of his hand.. Well.. I'm not sure if they were rough or soft but I loved how they felt. I'd love to have those hands in mine. But then again, asa pa 'ko?!

Dreamy-eyed child staring into night on a journey to a storyteller's mind. Whispers a wish, speaks with the stars, The words are silent in him. A distant sigh from a lonely heart, "I'll be with you soon, my Shalafi. Grey Havens, my destiny.".

Is it just me or did his eyes really smiled at me? He has smiling eyes, they are that of an innocent child. It's been written in the stars that we meet this way, cross each other's path at this moment, at this time.. Betsuni.. I'm just delighted when his eyes meet mine. He's got beautiful eyes. I love those eyes esp. when those eyes caught me drowning into it. I was googly-eyeing at him and he literally caught me staring at him. Haha. Kahiya pero masaya. I'm liking oniisan more and more. Awww... Daisuki. I wonder, why can't I just feel like that for *fill-in-the-blank*? I mean, I like Shiawase a lot, so much, but nothing more than that, nothing near love [or maybe so too, XP] but just the thought of him relieves me of the brokenness, the sadness, the emptiness and all the other negativities that this world gives me. Happiness/Shiawase is my pure source of pure happiness. My heart hurts when I think of the other guy that I like but with him, it doesn't seem to matter whether I have a chance with him or not. Maybe because I know, like the night and stars, he's just there. Always there. When you take a nap in the afternoon and oversleep till the next morning and you didn't get to see, even if you don't get to see the evening sky, you know it's always there. There's not a day without it. And the stars, when the skies are like eyes darkened by tears, covered by clouds, cannot be seen, when they come back the other day, they may change places in the heavens but they're always there. They never leave the sky unless they fall and become shooting stars for me to wish to. C'mon. Naging lyric poem na ang entry na 'to. AHLAVET!! Well, that's how much I like Shiawase-niichan and *fill-in-the-blank*. Oh, well...

                        ... there is something in his eyes that made me fall so hard...
                                            ... from then I knew I loved him but so it seems...
                                    ... my voice is from the shadows, in his heart he cannot hear...
                        ... his eyes are closed for the sight of me...
            ... far too much blind to see...
... he looks straight into my eyes, only in my dreams...
            ... trace a finger 'round my lipss, only as I sleep...
                        ... he had me in his arms for the longest time, as far as I can remember...
                                    ... I see things clearly, all, only as I slumber...
                                    ... but when the night is over, have to wake up and carry on...
                                    ... with things that cannot be, and days I can be with him...
                        ... my illusions now are through, for nothing can make it true...
            ... and nothing else I have to do, than sit on this corner...
... and think of you...                                                            [[the.daydreamer...leigs]] 

Theosophical Semantic

This post has nothing to do with religion but this freaky online program is, well, freaking me out. Haha. It's called Peter Answers. You enter a petition and a question and it send back an answer. It's annoying because I've been trying it for a while and it just won't give me a good answer. Out of annoyance, I asked it, "What the f***?", And it said, "The theosophical semantic of that *something* is not valid.". I was like, Eh? Another question and it said something like it absorbs some sort of anxiety in me and I should change my attitude so that it'll answer me. Then I asked, why it aren't answering me at all, it said some spectral disturbance is stopping it from answering.  The freakiest answer I got was, my soul will rest under your bed tonight. Kowai! Nyaaah! Stupid A.I.! Well, I don't think I'll say anything more about it. Go check it here yourself and tell me what you think.

My dad already left. Bon Voyage! Well, see you when you get back! Pasalubong ko!

Now let me tell you how my day went last Friday. Here goes. I woke up at seven in the morning and I have an exam at 8am. So, what do you expect to happen next? I went about my usual morning ritual at hyperspeed. So fast, I skipped breakfast. My mind wouldn't work well so I ran back and forth for about five minutes putting two dragon fruits, a spoon and a knife into my bag. Thank God for the traffic ran smoothly. The real problem starts when I got to school. I went down at Gate 3 and because I had to try and force my short legs to stride. Strider Levy? Just imagine the pain I had to go through.  The gravity is just too strong in that part of the school, it pulls you down so hard it takes less than five steps to get tired. My legs were sore after that 'hike'. The heck! Then I had to climb down to BBA with sore legs. Ouchie-meowchie! The exam is a lot better than I expected. He didn't make us decode circuits, or at least I don't remember seeing that on the exam. After that I went to hang out in the HF office till afternoon. I did some layouting, I ate my dragon fruit for breakfast, more layout, joking around with co-workers/friends [yucky pick-up lines], read a few lines off my book, yadda-yadda... That went on till 6pm until only I, Julianne, Shaira [We shared horror stories that aren't really scary], the Lit Ed and staffs [having a meeting at the EB room] and Kuya Sherwin [working on his proposal]. Ate Heidi, the legendary former Lit Ed, dropped by the office. We, ate Grace and Ate Heidi, talked about a lot of things including the Human Security Act. Then I met up with the Genshis at our official hangout, kubo. Some of them went with me to watch Suvasa but since the show started late, they left right after the first performers. I met a new friend, Ate Ly from Performing Arts Group. We all wanted to buy something before the show but we're all broke, the prices in the bar's menu is what Ian called 'presyong kaibigan'. Hehe. Good thing we ate before we went there. Then I was left alone but it didn't stop me from staying till the end of the show. I could see kuya PJ running around to entertain the guests, check on the sound system and stuff [he's the founder of DMS and the organizer of the show], with his bright aura. He shone that night. He gave away this sweet smile that seem to have been pulled from within the purest heart. Aww.. Suki desu. .^__^. The performances rocked my night [even though some of them gave me a headache, hehe]. Stan growled again. Growl, Stan, growl! Crucio rocked. I saw a few familiar faces and met a few new people one of them is kuya.. uh.. I forgot his name but I recognize him being part of FDC. He's really nice and cute, instant prospect. C'mon! Haha. My favorite performace for the night is that of Lakbay Lahi [and Nyabinghi, of course]. The mood was very festive especially there were dancers and someone handed out instrument so  the audiences can join them. I took photos and videos! Yay for me! Though I my phone died after the last videos. Well, they're already online, ready for viewing. Just click here. We were the last one to perform and I'm not sure how I did. Darwin said something about me sounding like, not sure if he said sylph or silk. He's kinda drunk but drunk or not there isn't much difference. I found out a lot of things about DMS and when I saw the pictures, all the more I wanted to be part of it. And they'll be having this 10 simultaneous climb on 10 different mountain peaks. Huwaaah! Gusto kong sumama! Sana member na ko by then. I got home sick and very tired. Sick because I was very hungry when I got home, so hungry that I became dizzy. A friend even told me I look like 'malapit nang bumigay'. I was sleepy and tired because I didn't really get to sleep that much the night before my exam and I was so tired to even wash my face before I dozed off. All the dust and sweat and oil of the day stuck with me all night till morning. I had a good night's sleep and totally rejuvinated the morning after. Ayos na. One word to describe that celebration: AYOS! Kuya, thank you po for inviting me, I had a LOT of fun pwera bola, and congratulations on your 1st decade and, more to come!

The choices I had to make this week came between my friends or my friends. Should I go to my friend's farewell with my friends or play music with my other friends. It's not so easy to make a choice but somehow  made one. Now it's Cosplay or Climb. I want to experience climbing at least once in my life and if I wanna climb I have to save up so I can buy my equipments but I want to Cosplay too. If I want to Cosplay, I should save up for my costume and props too. But how on earth am I going to save up when I have to stay in school after class and get hungry, buy this and that for school, pay for this and that. Why can't money just grown on trees? With all the stuffs that I have to finish, I don't think I can work for extra money and they won't allow me. What the HECK am I supposed to do?

Yay, retreat on Friday! What's there to be excited about? Something. Hehe. Something's going on inside the classroom and it sums kinda fun. You know, word war and stuff. I'm being evil again and I love it. It started last year and it goes on until today and if they can't give it closure during Retreat, well... Who cares? Blahahaha!! Why should I care, it's not like they're my friends, they're only friends with themselves and each other, right? I have reasons that nobosy has the right to question my hatred. That's right, I hate them. I despise them. I loathe them. Need I say more?

I appreciate how my friends appreciate me being there for them but I just wish they'd stop wishing or praying [or whatever it is they do] that I don't graduate yet so I can stay longer. What on earth? I have shamed myself long enough and to prolong my suffering will be cruelty. It's not like I'll leave you guys forever when I graduate, right? I stand by my word that even if I die, I'll never leave you. I'll haunt you wherever you go, Awoooh! Ahaha. But seriously, why would I leave you, I love my friend, and you are my friends, therefore, I love you. Just, please, stop that kind of wishing that you do, okay? It's not so.. inspiring. Hehe..

By the way, sinong may balita about Cogie Domingo? After he left for the States after Bakekang, got no more news about him. Aww.. I miss that guy

"Do not die alone; When we die, we disintegrate and become spiritons but where do our hearts go? You pass your heart onto others. As long as you pass it onto your comrades, your heart will always live on with them. So no matter what, don't die alone. Thanks to you, I can leave my heart here." ~ Kaien Shiba [BLEACH 268]                       .

The Not-So True Story

Hi. Levy desu. Ako ang kwentista ngayong araw or gabi.. Or.. Whatever!.

Pseudo-Death Note, HF Version. Wag kayong magagalit sa 'kin trip lang po ito. World Peace!!

1. Hi. Levy desu. Ako ang kwentista ngayong araw or gabi.. Or.. Whatever!.

2. Ito naman ang mga tauhan ng istorya nating trip-trip lang.
--> Kevin/Kenchan: Hmp?!
Shane: *pacute-pacute*
Jheerick/Rikichan: Cheese!
Paul/Pau-ji: Kunwari ako si Ulqiuorra! Bwahaha! Matakot kayo!!

3. Sige, ituloy na natin. 'O nga pala ito si Kuya Mike, pero di sya kasali sa kwento natin.

4. 'Yun naman si Darwin at 'di rin sya kasali, Hehehe..

5. Paul: Ako si Pot-pot pero kunwari ako si Near. *nilaro ang buhok na paikot-ikot, tinaas ang tuhod, kumuba at nagpa-cute sa camera* Weeeh! Justice will prevail!!! Oh yeah, alright! Uh-uh, I like! La-la-la..

6. [Cameo ni Kuya JP at Karl.] Nagsawa si Pot-pot sa pagpapanggap na Near kaya na naglaro muna sila nila Karl at Kuya JP ng Magic the Gathering.

7. Storyteller: Ah.. Eh.. Kung gusto nyo pwedeng di na natin ituloy 'to..

8. Ito si Kenchan. Nagpapanggap na Light Yagami.
--> Kenchan: May pa-justice-justice will prevail ka pa jan! Di naman bagay. Poser! Lagot ka sa 'kin, isusulat kita sa Death Iskrats peyper [papel na pinunit galing sa Death Note replica, as seen on TV, hehehe..] ko.
*Sabi sa HF bulletin board: Ang pilipino ng scratch paper ay burador! ^___^\/

9: Akala nya walang nakakita ng kanyang krimen. Pero hinde. Akala nya lang wala, pero meron! Meron! Meron! Si Rikichan ang eyewitness kaya mata lang ang kita.

10. Seriously, we can stop now if you want. Sige na, please make me stop! Have mercy! Oh, hindeee!!!

11. Haaay, sige na nga. Wala naman akong choice. well, ano pa nga bang supposed na mangyari pag sinulat ang pangalan ng isang tao sa papel na pinunit mula sa Death Note replica as seen on TV? Namatay ang Near-poser. Ayan na sya. Mukhang zombie, malamang kasi patay na 'di ba? Hello?!

12. Oh, yes! Konti na lang. Wooo! *walang kabuhay-buhay*

13. Now he's back from the grave to seek revenge against his transgressor. English, c'mon. Haha!

14. Sa wakas..

15. The end. Wooh! Buti naman!

'Yoko ng BLUE!!!

'Nuf said.

DLSU-DMS, 10 years

July 20, 2007
@ Souk Kafe, Teraza Dasma
DLSU-DMS 10th Year Anniversary

AYOS! ang event, successful! It started late pero worth the wait. Astig ng performances. Sayang, I didn't get to take pictures of the last 3 performers esp. Nyabinghi kasi empty battery na ko after ng performance ng Lakbay Lahi but I was able to take videos. Hehe..

Omedetou gozaimasu, DLSU-DMS! I wish you more years of Responsible and Committed Climbing! Banzai!!!

~Parang sobrang fun, maging DMS. Parang ang dami ko nang na-miss sa buhay ko. They're planning simultaneous climb on October; 10 mountains, 10 teams, One goal. Astig! I wanna be part of this. Sana lang makasali na 'ko.

Video:
http://levyeiva.multiply.com/video/item/19

Lakbay Lahi @ Suvasa

July 20, 2007
@ Souk Kafe, Teraza Dasma
DLSU-DMS 10th Year Anniversary

More videos:
1. http://sharkle.com/video/133429/
2. http://sharkle.com/video/133430/
3. http://sharkle.com/video/133431/
4. http://sharkle.com/video/133434/

Sore wa futatsu no kataomoi

These were two unrequited loves. [Or atleast I want to think it that way]

I don't know how I feel. I know I've lost and I admit defeat but I don't want to give up. I know you're lost but when you get back I want to be here. I will be here when you get back from being lost. Here's hoping the demise of this woe, and I hope, too, to see you on the other side. [Blah! As if one of us is dying, wahaha!!!]

WHEN YOU COME BACK I'D STILL BE HERE, IN MY DREAMS YOU ARE STILL HERE LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN.

Oh.the.shame. I like it but it's embarrasing. The picture: you wrote something about someone you never expected to read what you wrote only to find out that he was the first one to view that post. Oh.no. According to my observations, he wouldn't read any of my post unless the title is catchy. Is Listen to the Rain [refer to my last post] catchy? Oh.my. Not sure if he really read the post but he was the first one to view it and he didn't reply. Oh.hinde. Gyaaah! Ah.men. Nakakahiya talaga. And if he gets to read this post too.. Huli! Hi, kuya! Hehehe

Alright, this time I'll pass. I wanted to compete in that logo-making contest but I can't. I wasn't able to work on my design. Too many distractions. I mean, exams, the layouting, juggling with HF and my friends, working on designs, reading my book, doing this and that... Blah-blah. Quite impossible. And then I'll be having busy weeks ahead of me. I can't even finish my edits as fast as I used to.

July 19, 2007

Friday night *sigh* I don't know. It's good that my friends aren't having that sleepover this Friday but my other friends are planning to go swimming Friday night till Saturday. Oh my. I lied. If I don't see my friend, who called for the outing, on Friday and Saturday, I won't be seeing him in a couple of years or worse more than that but I wanted to perform on Friday night and I'm broke [Actually, I always am] and even if I didn't have that commitment, I still wouldn't be able to join them. It's true that when I told them that my dad's leaving for Germany on Saturday but I didn't tell them about that Friday gig. I hope they don't find out or if they do, I hope they'd understand. I wanted to join them, I've been wanting to go swimming since Summer but right I had to chose. I made my choice and.. Sorry...

I went to watch Harry Potter with some friends. Before that, we went to BioResearch and I saw silly little turtles. Haha. I pointed my finger at them and they would try to bite my finger from the aquarium. Haha. Kulit. Well, HP is good though it's.. uhh.. I dunno.. It was fast. It's like, it skipped a lot of scenes. Jump.. Jump.. Well, the effects are as magical as usual but I was really disappointed about Sirius' death. It's not as dramatic as it's been written in the book and not as heart-wrenching as the death of Cedric Diggory in the fourth movie. Well, I enjoyed that Daniel-Katie smooching, Haha. La-la-la... The ending is not so satisfying. I guess I'd have to wait for the last two movies. Then after the movie we went to National Bookstore and Toy Kingdom. Man, I was drooling at the books I saw at NBS. Book of the Stars by L'homme. Man, I've only read the first book, Quadehar the Sorcerer, since it's the only one available in school when there's actually three. Kainis, the titles they have there.. Sh*t, if only I had a lot of money, I would buy all of them right away, then and there. Sucks man. Then we went camwhoring at Toy Kingdom. I saw toys that I wanted to buy but then again, I don't have any money. Oh, well. It was a school holiday so the everybody had their own plans for that day. I went to watch HP with Scott and Jerome, Alain and Ian went to Festival Mall, Maki and the Bratatat boys went to play Call of Duty [And I'll be joining them soon. Hehe] and the other.. I dunno. Hehehe.

Another folk of my fantasy has been brought to life, Raoul and Erik from Phantom of the Opera. Aww.. Suki desu!

I did something I've never done before yesterday, make a wish in a well. I wish for this certain someone to find his way because, as I said, he's lost. I wanted to be there for him but all I can be is a friend. I've said it before [Yeah, I did. I said it in German in my last post] and I'll say it again, I know you're lost but when you find you're way back, and as long as I feel this way, I'll be waiting here for you.

I wish I may, I wish I might be that certain someone you wish for every night
[[if.you.knew.what.i.knew.BSB]]

Bruce Bit Minnie

Fishes are friends not food, but mice are. Hehehe

Listen to the Rain

    Dear You-Know-Who-You-Are,
               
                Thanks for sharing the rain today. It felt good not having to walk in the rain alone.

    Sayang. I didn't cry. It would've been a good time to cry with the heavens. I'm not sure if

    I've been of good help to you but I hope you feel better soon. The spirits are with you, worry

    not. Bwahaha.  All hail, Kano'nji. Hehe.  We were drenched [wet look, nyeeeh!], esp. my

    socks hehe, but having someone there makes it a lot better. I hope the rain somehow

    washed away, even a little, the confusion, and doubts, and hurt [if there is] that you have

   because you're not so cute with it. Mukha kang haggard, 'di bagay. I hope the rain stops for

    you soon. It was kinda Emo but it was fun, sana lang 'di tayo magkasakit. Hehe. Smile.

Cheer up. Maaayos din ang lahat. Ingat palagi. Apir!

                                                                                                                         .v..v.

Last Friday, after four years, I finally got my yearbook thanks to Carlo but I forgot to thank him because I was already late for my class.  The heck, that yearbook was disappointing. For something that took four years to finish, I expected a lot. The layout was pretty simple and the  pictures were of very poor quality. In short, mediocre. I know they worked hard for it [I have friends who worked on it], or atleast I want to assume, but it was really disappointing. I suddenly remembered those idiots that were 'nagmamarunong' back in highschool. It makes me feel proud. Haha. Yabang n'yo kasi. Buti nga sa inyo! Haha.. Bitter? So what if I am? Bleh!

Jetzt verstehe ich. Meine Gefühle haben mich wieder verraten. Ich bin nicht das ein das Sie wollen aber ich still wird hier für Sie sein. Wenn ich mich selbst immer wieder nur verletzen muss, durch Ihre Seite zu bleiben, dann werde ich. Vielleicht eines Tages werden Sie erkennen, dass Sie mich auch wollen. Ich wollte Ihnen erzählen, dass ich weil Sie verletzen verletzt bin, aber vielleicht es ist besser, dass ich nur Sie mache, fühlen, was ich statt Spruch es sagen will. Ich habe schon Sie gemocht, bevor ich sogar Sie aber traurig getroffen habe, fühlen Sie meine Gefühle aber nicht für mich. Ich bin sicher mein Herz ändert nicht bald, und während ich diese Gefühle für Sie fühle, werde ich behalten, auf Sie zu warten.

Change of plans, I'm watching Harry Potter with my friends on Wednesday. Been brooding and reflecting on my feelings for some time now, I need a break. Can't wait. I hear people saying the movie's good and I really have to see it. It's a tradition that I will never break. Harry Potter, I'm coming for you. Wait for me. Hehehe... Yay, Suvasa on Friday night but the Genshi's are planning another sleepover at Pau-pau's on the same day. Waaah! Please don't make me choose, please don't. You know why I've been waiting for this day; My heart's been aching for *fill-in-the-blank* but since I can't have him [sana for now lang], my imaginary love-affair with Shiawase fill the blank space that *fill-in-the-blank* leaves vacant >__< even if it's imaginary.

Exams na naman, and first up.. VB.net. Tasukete, Kami-sama! Onegaishimasu!

I have to work on a concept soon. The deadline for CSPC's logomaking contest is this Friday and I still haven't worked on anything. Wish me luck, people! Our Lit Ed liked the poster I made for Palad though they haven't chosen which one [mine or Gio's] to use yet. We have another project, this time it's for Alipato though the Photo Coordinator hasn't given the specifications yet. Yay, Graphika Manila. Woohoo! August 12, c'mon. Hahaha.

Listen, listen..Listen to each drop of rain whispering secrets in vain,  Frantically searching for someone to hear their story be more than it hides..Please don't let go, can't we stay for a while? It's just too hard to say goodbye..Listen to the rain, weeping.. I stand alone in the storm, suddenly, sweet words take hold, "Hurry", they say, "for you haven't much time. Open your eyes to the love around you. You may feel you're alone but I'm here still with you. You can do what you dreamJust remember to listen to the rain". Listen.. [[.listen.to.the.rain.evanescence.]]

Paraskavedekatriaphobia

I learned a new word today. Hehe.. Thanks to my weird friend being weird just like me, that's why we're friends. Haha. Actually, he isn't a real person, he's one of my alteregos. Yay for Vlad!  I wouldn't have used it for a title if it wasn't for you. I was working on something else last night but I changed my mind. I was too busy. Oniichan [Shiawase da wa!] asked me to do a little tweaking something-something to his photo. Not sure if it's the way he wants it but I hope he likes it. Kuyaaaah! Hehe...

Contrary to common belief, Friday the 13th isn't as bad as people put it to be at least not in my case 'cause we went to parteeeh! Before that, I was busy trying to figure out how to layout. We're currently working on the broadsheet. Then I edited some "kinky" photos. Haha. You should have seen, it would have made you go, "Sh*t! What on earth is that?". Hehe.. While we were chilling somebody unexpected dropped by the office. Heehee. Well, he wasn't looking for me, he was even surprised that I was there and asked me if I'm in HF too and I nodded. Aww.. Ang saya. [Oniichan, i had the veggies cooked for you during my birthday but you weren't able to come. ] I also saw him last Wednesday, c'mon. I'm playing with them in Suvasa again. Yay. Oniichaaan! *sings Suvasa repeatedly to the tune of Alones* --Suvasa.. suvasa..suvasa..-- Then we went our way. We went to meet the others in SM Dasma [It's been a while since I last went there.]. It was.. one word.. FUN. Yay! It made me forget about the things that worry me for a while. Not that I'm really worried. Hehe.. Loved the food and the drinks [haven't drunk wine in years, hehe..] and.. TWISTER! Everybody played twister and we took funny pictures. We went camwhoring all over the place, watched a few episodes of Nodame Cantabile [Made me want to play the piano again, and want to play the violin even more], played Spin-the-bottle, drinking and eating --again... I didn't get to sleep. I was laughing all night, till morning. Bernie and I were making fun of Marc. He's funny when he sleeps; he talks, he stands up, he walks when he's asleep. It was pretty disturbing because one moment he's quiet then he moans, then he talks then snores and then.. Basta, it's disturbing but funny. We would talk to him while he's sleeping and he would answer back. When we told him about it when he woke up, he doesn't remember anything. It must be some sleeping disorder that he has. I dunno. Hehe. Also had this laughtrip with Des and Shai. Haha. Marinella and Pot-pot. What the..?! Hehe.. Also with kuya JP, kuya Mike and.. Charm [She recognized me from my past performances. It's my first time to meet her but.. Yay for Charm!] and Darwin [He thinks I'm talking sh*t when I tell him that I don't know that much about music. I really don't, Dada. Bleh!]. And how can I forget, the "Karisma" moments. Hehehe. ^^ Sayang. The others had to leave early. Imagine what you've missed. Belat! Didn't I already say, I didn't sleep? Yes, I was awake all night. My.. my.. My panda eyes. Haha. We were joking about it being an "asset" on the way home. Man, I was very sleepy,  and I can't tolerate sunlight. I am a vampire [speaking of which, my kindred is calling me back. I'm thinking about it, brethren. I'll see you soon, when darkness comes. Hehe..] once again. Haha. I am always like that during sleepovers and overnight trips. Haha. Memories. By the way, nice meeting you, Trish!

I was told that Bogz was sent to the hospital yesterday because of asthma and fever. Aww.. I haven't seen her for a long time. I was supposed to go with the guys to visit her today but I have things to finish, but I told them to tell her to GET WELL SOON for me. Get well soon, Bogz! DotA tayo pag galing mo. Hehehe..

I still haven't seen Harry Potter. Gyaaah! My friends are planning to see it together but I plan to see it alone because I might cry because I know Sirius is going to die and I cried when Cedric died. Hehe. I wanna see it in iMax but i dunno how to go to MoA alone and I'm afraid to get lost. And it's lonely out there. Hehe.

I made a record. It's the longest time I took to read a book.  I'm still not done with my Phantom of the Opera. Too many unnecessary distractions. hehe. Never mind. I have all the time in the world to read. I own the book. Weh?!

Exam week na and then on Friday... SUVASA! Sugoi!!! Ahoho! Ahlavet! I'll save the emoting for some other day. I have deadlines to meet [Palad poster design, logo-making entry], Exams to study for [nosebleed! nosebleed!] and performance to prepare for [Oniichan!].

Kindred, I'll be joining you soon and I'll be writing poems and songs again. Please try to write some music for it. You still haven't for the first ones I made. You're ignoring me, you IDIOTS! Haha.

@_@ i @_@ need @_@ some @_@ distraction @_@

Coming of Age

Pau-pau/Pot-pot's 18th Birthday
July 13, 2007
Salonga Residence








Photos from Moi, Marc and Trish

Halo-halo na. Enjoy! Ang hirap mag-isip ng caption, dami kasi. Hehehe... Twister game: THE BEST! Ahlavet! Fun-fun-fun! SUGOI!!!

What kind of Goth are you?

Dunno where my brother got this but it's really cool so I posted it.

Me, I fall under Perky Goths. Hehehe...

Enjoy!

Moki-Moki

Shameless unedited post-depression photos.

Hahaha.

Mac, thanks for lending me Mokona.

We were there

Genshiken @ Freshmania

Photos by and grabbed from Jackner

ENJOY!

Video: Manequin - Anak [Cover] @ Freshmania : http://sharkle.com/video/132274/

REiGUSU @ 21

Born on the 5th of July

Photos courtesy of Nikko

Thank you all for coming and celebrating with me. RABU! This must be my best birthday ever. Hope to see you in my next birthday too. Ang saya ko, sana sumaya din kayo. BIG HUG!

SUGOI!

Videos:
My Birthday Song : http://sharkle.com/video/132270/
Slicing my Birthday Cake : http://sharkle.com/video/132271/

Friday the 13th

.V..V.

Worth Your While

I got this through email from a highschool classmate that she got from her friend's blog.  I've been keeping this in my inbos for quite some time now and only now that I found time to share it. I liked it a lot so I'll be keeping it in my inbox, I hope you do too. Enjoy!

The One that God has Prepared For Me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are 
wondering what is taking us so long to find each other.  Many times I thought I 
finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet 
ended.

I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.I am thinking of 
how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? 
Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that
we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because 
you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the 
answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will 
never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have
not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be 
in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep
me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or
maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you 
when the right  time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in 
the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just 
wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the

beautiful life ahead of  me --- the life I shall spend with you.

In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.
After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are 
slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its 
truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU!

  
I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been 
hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give
up because I am right here...patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we
finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love. At night, I 
would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow 
you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send 
all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you.

And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your 
way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall 
asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems
that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to
tell you how much I love you.

In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. 
And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead 
with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and

once again I am assured that you are worth the wait.

And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had 
imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! 
By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in 
spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very 
thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't 
even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no 
matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow 
the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it

that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

KAWAII!!!