I'm trying to get over that stage of death where you want the ones left behind to mourn for your death. But you are not so much of a loss, so staying or going would not really change so much of anything. You just got to die and stay dead. Accept being forgotten, like they say: out of sight, out of mind. Let the dead bury themselves. You're dead, so bury yourself somewhere and stay there. Rest in peace, Levy-chan, she that lay on a nameless grave. Adieu.
I went back to this place from once upon a time. I wanted to see someone, I wanted to do something but it was not fated to happen, or at least not yet. I wanted to see him after these years. I wanted to know how he's doing, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to say goodbye. Nobody cared for like he did before. He did not deserve what I did to him. Well, we parted as friends but far, that we already were, as I was here and he was in his part of the world were we met, I pushed him further away. I forcibly, without him knowing it, took him permanently away from my life. I broke my promise of keeping friendship. I don't expect him to run after me just like he always did way back when [...], just want to see him, talk to him one last time. It's part of growing up, moving on stage. I want to set things straight. I wanted to make sure that he's happy now. I have no way of knowing that now. I tried my best to see him but I never found what I sought for. Loneliness seem to be my life. I'll try to see you again. I won't stop until I have finished what I have set out for to do. Till then. Wait for me.
I was anxious of getting started with what everyone think I should already be doing. I was up all night, stuck in thoughts of what I had to expect. At first, I was sure I wanted to do this. I was actually after the 'perks' of being a working girl. It was, in the beginning a happy trek but the burden gets heavier as you go along the way. My resume said I am willing to work on shifting schedule when actually I'm not. If I be given a choice, I'd cut working hours after lunchtime. I only placed that phrase to make it believable that I wanted the job so much. Well, I did want it but not that bad that I'd let sleepless nights pepper my face with some more pimples. Nah. And to make things worse, I was asked during my interview if I'm willing to work six days, meaning eating up my Saturday. No way, man. I will just try to find a good excuse so I take it back, reject the job offer. I was being stupid telling the HR Manager that I do when actually I don't. And the way she interviewed, or more like interrogated me, as if I was a psychiatric patient. Ugh~ Already done with my interview and my exams. I am under consideration for the job and their evaluating my application. She said she'd call me to let me know what happens. I think it's another call from her before I get the job, and I am not the only one. I hope she does not call me at all. I don't care anymore. I'll find another one. Something I could be comfortable with. No night shifts, no six working days. I would have taken that job offer that my friend recommends from where he's working but I think I'm under qualified. And I'm not really good with pressure. I tend to escape. If there's a will, there's a way and I'll find a way out of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being choosy. just know what I want and I will find something to help me get it.
I'll see if I can drop by the University tomorrow and check on the Human Resource Management Office. Hopefully there's a job opening within the campus. I wish I had the choice of not having to leave what has been my home for half a decade. Anywhere as long as it's within her, though there's no way I'm becoming a teacher. Good luck na lang sa akin.
I missed so much just because of job hunting. So much time it ate when I should be doing something else. I'm so sorry, I will make it up to everyone once I have dealt with everything. See you all when I see you.
Sarap ng Kani Fry sa Teriyaki Boy. Had it earlier after the gruelling nine-hour famine of a job examination and interview. I didn't get to enjoy because nalipasan ako ng gutom. Pero, anyway, sarap talaga. Next time ulit. Party later at Anna's.
***
I went back to this place from once upon a time. I wanted to see someone, I wanted to do something but it was not fated to happen, or at least not yet. I wanted to see him after these years. I wanted to know how he's doing, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to say goodbye. Nobody cared for like he did before. He did not deserve what I did to him. Well, we parted as friends but far, that we already were, as I was here and he was in his part of the world were we met, I pushed him further away. I forcibly, without him knowing it, took him permanently away from my life. I broke my promise of keeping friendship. I don't expect him to run after me just like he always did way back when [...], just want to see him, talk to him one last time. It's part of growing up, moving on stage. I want to set things straight. I wanted to make sure that he's happy now. I have no way of knowing that now. I tried my best to see him but I never found what I sought for. Loneliness seem to be my life. I'll try to see you again. I won't stop until I have finished what I have set out for to do. Till then. Wait for me.
***
I was anxious of getting started with what everyone think I should already be doing. I was up all night, stuck in thoughts of what I had to expect. At first, I was sure I wanted to do this. I was actually after the 'perks' of being a working girl. It was, in the beginning a happy trek but the burden gets heavier as you go along the way. My resume said I am willing to work on shifting schedule when actually I'm not. If I be given a choice, I'd cut working hours after lunchtime. I only placed that phrase to make it believable that I wanted the job so much. Well, I did want it but not that bad that I'd let sleepless nights pepper my face with some more pimples. Nah. And to make things worse, I was asked during my interview if I'm willing to work six days, meaning eating up my Saturday. No way, man. I will just try to find a good excuse so I take it back, reject the job offer. I was being stupid telling the HR Manager that I do when actually I don't. And the way she interviewed, or more like interrogated me, as if I was a psychiatric patient. Ugh~ Already done with my interview and my exams. I am under consideration for the job and their evaluating my application. She said she'd call me to let me know what happens. I think it's another call from her before I get the job, and I am not the only one. I hope she does not call me at all. I don't care anymore. I'll find another one. Something I could be comfortable with. No night shifts, no six working days. I would have taken that job offer that my friend recommends from where he's working but I think I'm under qualified. And I'm not really good with pressure. I tend to escape. If there's a will, there's a way and I'll find a way out of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being choosy. just know what I want and I will find something to help me get it.
***
I'll see if I can drop by the University tomorrow and check on the Human Resource Management Office. Hopefully there's a job opening within the campus. I wish I had the choice of not having to leave what has been my home for half a decade. Anywhere as long as it's within her, though there's no way I'm becoming a teacher. Good luck na lang sa akin.
***
I missed so much just because of job hunting. So much time it ate when I should be doing something else. I'm so sorry, I will make it up to everyone once I have dealt with everything. See you all when I see you.
***
Sarap ng Kani Fry sa Teriyaki Boy. Had it earlier after the gruelling nine-hour famine of a job examination and interview. I didn't get to enjoy because nalipasan ako ng gutom. Pero, anyway, sarap talaga. Next time ulit. Party later at Anna's.
Kainan na naman!!!
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